My name is Matthew Lewis Rosen. I was four and a half years old on September 11th, 2001; the day that’s known as the worst attack on American soil. The death toll was 2,753. One tower was hit at 8:46 a.m., the second tower at 9:02 a.m. Each tower took only 12 seconds to fall but one burned for 56 minutes and the other for 102. The fall of the first tower claimed 1,402 lives and the other took 614. For every woman that died three men suffered the same fate. 1,717 families never received remains of their loved ones. Only 291 bodies were found “intact”. 1,609 people lost a partner or spouse. One out of every five Americans knew someone who was injured or lost their life. 3,051 children lost a parent. 1.8 million tons of debris was removed. 600 million dollars was spent on cleanup. 150 songs were deemed “inappropriate” to play on the radio. Applications for the Peace Corp increased by 40%. Applications for the CIA increased by 90%. 26 days after the towers fell the United States began bombing Afghanistan. We all shouted terrorist. We all hated them.
I am now 18 years old. I’ve joined the United States Armed Forces so that I can keep these terrorists off of my soil. I will bring the fight to them; make no mistake. I will defend the weak. I will defend our freedom. I will bring the fight to their home so that I may keep them out of mine. I will pursue to my last dying breath all who threaten my people. I will sacrifice so that others may live. I am an American. I am a warrior. I am a soldier. If you strike me or those like me you will lay upon the earth until you are buried in it.
******
My name is Muhammed Hussein Annam. I was four and a half years old on October 7th, 2001; it was the first day of the bombings in my homeland. I woke up. I faced Mecca. I prayed. I did what I could to help my family which really just meant that I went to play with the other children and stayed out of my parents’ way.
The dogs grew antsy. The horses skittered. The rats ran away. Then I heard the drone that would haunt my dreams to this day. “Look! The skies!” I heard the shouts that broke the silence. Then the ground shook and I was thrown off of my feet. I heard cries of pain and shock and prayers of mercy. “Run! Flee!” I heard the command from some unknown direction but my brain could not process what was being said. The ground would not relent in its trembles, the clouds would not lift the ground. Only a short distance away something fell but before I could see it I was again thrown to my feet and everything turned to black.
I woke up to black. I thought I was dead. I smelled what I now can only call Lucifer’s Barbecue. One part flesh- burnt and not burnt- one part blood- burnt and not burnt- and a smell that I cannot describe but can only know it as death. I lifted myself off of my back and all around was a scene that haunt’s me to this day…my hometown was nothing. The market…gone. The stables…gone. The mosque…gone. My home…gone. I did what any young boy would do and ran home in hopes of finding my parents but the only thing I saw was a crater. “Mama! Papa!” I cried out again and again and again. There, in the bottom, I saw my mother’s hand sticking out of the rubble. I ran to her, bent myself over ready to pull her from the heap…I removed a stump of my mother that was cut off at her lower arm.
In weeks the lives of thousands of my countrymen were affected. Children were orphaned. Homes were destroyed. Businesses boomed but not in an economical way of thinking. We all shouted terrorist. We all hated them.
I am now 18 years old. I’m enrolled in college in the capital. After my town was destroyed I was sent to live with my uncle. After the bombings we survivors were not the same; some of us lost faith, some of us joined radical sects and brought shame to our god Allah, some of us acted like nothing happened. I was changed, but not for the bad. I do not want another child to suffer as I did. I do not want to see my brothers and sisters raped, killed, or worse. I want to travel to America and change the way they look at me and those of my faith. Not all Muslims are terrorist and not all terrorists are Muslims. When I travel to America I will wear my faith boldly and I will educate them in our ways and I will speak with peace and hope on my lips. I will apologize. I will make amends. I want to end the hostilities that are still ravaging my homeland.
******
September 11th, 2001 is the day that’s known as the worst attack on American soil.
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hi, Mathew Mazer! Congratulations on being featured, you entirely deserve it. I was entirely blown away by this piece, it's length; perfect. Facts were good, I could absolutely picture me there, I was feeling what the narrators were feeling and all in all it was a strangely relatable piece.
Quick question though, have you ever watched 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' 'cause the fact that they were little reminded me of that, besides I could actually picture the child growing into a soldier.......
OK, so great on grammar, I have nothing much more to add, keep up the good work, OK?
Every time I get back on YWS, there is some amazing writer that appears, you fit that spot.
Blaming any religion for any blot formed out of human greed and rudeness is shameful. neither allah nor christ say that hurting innocent beings is good. These inhuman acts are done by inhumans
" Not all Muslims are terrorist and not all terrorists are Muslims."
A more accurate way would be with the first part omitted, because terrorism and Islam do not correspond, so you can't call yourself a Muslim if you're a terrorist. Remove it (especially as a Muslim character would not say 'Not all Muslims are terrorist"), just the radical/extreme ones who do not stand for Islam.
also, (just a nitpick maybe)
"some of us joined radical sects and brought shame to our god Allah,"
Use of tautology there when you wrote "to our god Allah", the "our god" does not need to be stated there since 'Allah' is the same as 'God'. Or, it could have been said as "...brought shame to God..."
Thanks for the input. As far as the "Our God Allah" and "Not all Muslims" line I used them mainly because a lot of people see muslims and terrorists as the same thing and I'm trying to show that they aren't with a simple word choice and common cliche. Again, thanks for the input.
Wow. This was amazing. Incredible. I really liked how at the end Muhammed decided he wished for peace while Matthew wished for, essentially, revenge. One thing I noticed was that you said the Muslims shouted aloud and said 'terrorist. We hated them.' I think in my personal opinion that they phrase you used sounded more Western than a phrase that came from the Middle East. But simultaneously, it works for the 'two sides of every coin' metaphor you have on here. I really like this work. Bravo, man. Well done.
Ciao,
J.
Thanks for the input. As far as the "we all shouted..." line I'm aware that it does sound kinda western but I tried to do as much as possible to connect the boys' reality. I tried to use it as empathy, thought provoker, double meaning kind of thing.
Heart-halting. I highly appreciate the dramatic irony of the story. The way you brought out two corresponding accounts of the worst attack ( not only on American soil ) is inspiring. I have a soft-corner for stories with backdrop of war and I hope some day I would be able to write one as excellent as yours
Thanks for input and opinion
Hi, Matthew!
I have to say... this is a beautiful, well structured story. The phrase, "We all shouted Terrorist. We all hated them." has great cadence.
All in all, your story was great! I just wanted to go through a couple things.
The way that you formatted "worst" is powerful, but I worry that it comes off as a bit... sarcastic and apathetic. I know, because I read the whole piece, that you not only have sympathy, you have an innate empathy for those affected by the 9/11 and October 7th attacks. But this is in the first couple of sentences, and the reader doesn't know that yet.
You need a comma before "but" ("one burned for 56 minutes" is an independent clause).
Everything up to here has been very powerful. What if you tried, instead of "those like me", something that would more deeply resonate with the reader, like "those I love" or "those I fight for", etc.
The story would flow a bit better if you took out the "it was".
I like how you helped the reader to empathize with Muhammed here. You want to communicate that this wasn't some barbaric slave, this was a kid who wanted the best for his family and enjoyed playing with the other kids. But you might want to experiment with some slightly different punctuation. Omitting a few phrases, like "which really just meant", the narrator's connection with the reader could strengthen infinitely.
Just for formatting's sake/clarity, I'd advise putting a space after your ellipses.
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Overall, great job. I look forward to reading your other work!
IronSpark
To begin I want to thank you a ton for the grammatical input,especially on commas. The word choice too I want to thank you for and as I've noted in other comments I will edit this in a few days (hopefully). Again, thank you.
I really respect the fact that you wrote this. Being my first review, I'm not completely sure what to say other than the words written here need to be heard elsewhere. You have such a strong message, one that I share with you. I like the repetition that you use (I use that as well) when you say "I do not want..." For me, the story was entirely heartfelt and somewhat uncensored. I think that adds to the beauty, and also the cruelty that you are trying to convey. Thank you for sharing.
Just wanted to say thank you for the review and input. As far as reviewing goes there's a forum on this site that can help you out with input, I don't know what it's called though.
I LOVE THIS!
You have really captured the essence of a rivalry that has lasted many years. I love it how you have also looked at the situation(bombing) from two points of view. Since I live in America, I have known September 11 to be a terrible day for our country only. How inconsiderate I was to only think of myself. Your story opened the idea that many lives all around the world were changed. Isn't that what writing is supposed to do? Open the eyes of our hearts? Not many short stories make me stop and think... I'm glad yours did.
Please keep writing! You have a amazing gift!
~Elephant
Thank you for the input, and I actually didn't think too much about the other side until recently myself. Thanks for motivational comment too.
With simple description, you have captured the complications of war and violence. I love the symmetry. It is the unfortunate tangle of our world, caught in the knots of tragedy and violence. As an Arab-American, I understand the American view on serving the homeland as, first and foremost, I am dedicated to this nation of freedom and justice, and I understand the Arab side, as I look to spread the warmth and beautiful aspects of the Arab ways, and can (for now) only hope that my land of the brave will someday embrace the place of my ancestry. Lovely piece of work, and I thank you for your service.
Thank you for the input, and I love hearing from other cultures.
I opened this and groaned as I thought it was an Americocentric patriotic piece. I was (pleasantly?) surprised. Powerful and insightful
Couple of nitpicks - I know Lucifer is a Christian concept and don't think that that name at any rate would be used by your second character. Or the word barbecue for that matter. Also in the line "not all Muslims are terrorist" - should be terrorists, right?
The stats at the beginning dragged a little for me. I'd try to make them more gripping.
Just a quick comment!
-Stella x
Thank you for pointing out the spelling error, I didn't notice that when I proof read this work. Thanks for stopping by and giving me your input.
*salutes* Greetings, soldier! Wolfie here to review your work.
First, I know that it is important not to include your full name on a YWS work, or on any online piece for that matter. Just your first name is fine, but having the whole kit and kaboodle isn't recommended. For all I know, you made up that name, but if it is, indeed, your real name please edit it out.
The use of "everything turned to black" is rather cliche, and I think you can do better than that. Anyway, you use plain old "black" to describe the scene twice in two sentences, so it clearly deserves some fixing up. What do I mean when I say, "plain old 'black?'" That color description is so simple and bland. When it comes to darkness, I like to replace "black" with a word like "ebony." On the other hand, when the boy wakes up, I'm sure all he sees is not just blak or ebony. Maybe he sees a soot-colored sky with charcoal clouds that won't let even a single star shine through.
This sentence is rather confusing. This is how I would write it: "One part was the smell of burnt flesh, another the smell of blood, and mingled within a smell that I can only describe as death."
No need for the apostrophe in "haunts."
I must say that I really liked this.
Let's talk about the first paragaph. Normally an information dump of statistics slows down the passage, but the way you presented them was very effective. All of them were shocking in their enormity, serving perfectly to describe the horrors of 9/11. As for the important sentences in this work that are italicized and in bold, I would normally advise against using bold text because it is unprofessional, but this work is a special case and I think it's fine.
You managed to show both sides of the war without offending either countries or putting one above the other, which was impressive. We saw the Middle East bombing—something most people, myself included, were unaware of before readibg this—from the viewpoint of a God-loving and innocent boy. We saw the horrors of 9/11 again through your own eyes. We finish the narrative with a better understanding of the people we've deemed terrorists. That is the goal of every writer: to leave the reader with something new and important to think over. Nice job!
Keep writing, Matthew!
Thanks for the review. As for the apostrophe in "haunts" I never realized that was there but I will try to edit this work soon as that isn't the only error, thanks for pointing that out. And when I do edit I may make use of some of your word choice if that's okay. The "burnt and not burnt" line is actually inspired by the character Vardaman in Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying" and I have made more than allusion in this writing so I thought I'd try another one out with those phrases. Again, thanks for the review.
Hellloooo!!!!!!! Ashkitten here for a review. I loved the way this was narrated into two different points of view. I think you did a great job describing the horror that struck both sides, and how it affected both as well.
I will say that a muslim boy probably would not use the term Lucifer's Barbecue to describe it though, being as he probably has never been exposed to Christianity, and Lucifer is the devil/Satan in Christianity. In the muslim faith, there is no Lucifer. However they have used the term devil before. I hope that helps some. I did enjoying reading this though, and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
I just wanna give a really quick thank you for the review. As for the use of Lucifer I am no expert on the Islamic faith but I do know that Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all have connections to each other. I'll edit this in a few days when I have more time on my hands. Again, thanks
This is a very interesting narrative. I feel like what really draws me in is the fact that as an American, I never really look at how this event affected the people of the Middle East that weren't involved. It also interests me because it shows the effect our retaliation had on the innocents, if you will, in the Middle East. My only recommendation is to try using more feeling punctuation, such as exclamation points, or something of the sort.
*DISCLAIMER* I will say now I have joined the Navy but it has nothing to do with the events of 9/11. Also, I do not know a lot of the middle east or the religion of Islam so there probably are some errors in my view of them. Also, I've never been good at scenes of violence or combat so please be as brutal as possible when it comes to the little boy's point of view. Lastly, there is a poetry video on youtube called "When God Happens" by Mike Rosen that I listened to and that video kinda got me inspired to write this.