** I am no longer using YWS but I'd like to say thank you to everyone who commented on my work and helped me to improve it - you guys are seriously amazing and I love you all. Thank you!! 
xx **
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140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
I've now seen first hand about the advice you gave me. I understand more about the things you said.
I lov ethe emotion you've got into the piece and how each line leaves you wanting more.
I do get the feeling that the rest of it is going to explain what's happened to get them to thay point. I love the mixture of fate into it, it gives it a more magical feel.
Even though the despcription of his eyes isn't long it feels like I'm looking into them to.
I do think in the second parargraph you could have a least one more work which shows the feelings of the MC.
Overall, Its wonderful.
x
Ok, the nit-picking has pretty much been covered.
I love this!
This has me completly hooked! Nice work!
If you were looking for a chapter title you could always use "My only love."
Just a thought.
Anywho. . .Well done!
Hi Lucy! I'm Firman, and this is my first review. I'm sorry if it's not too helpful, but I'll try my best.
The storyline flowed just fine, and I love the plot of the story. Unrequited love, is it ?
But, maybe you can add a little more description to the scenery. Where are they talking or at what time of the day.
Maybe like "...dragging my suitcase behind me, and as the sun sets far into the horizon, I heard the dominant..." ahaha too dramatic? That's the only thing I could think of, 'cause the others had done a thorough observation of the preface.
I also love your choice of vocabulary. It really gives depth and edge to the story. Keep on it
That's all from me and I hope it's helpful.
Firman
Nice!
Thank you so much, MySunshine for reading and reviewing this; I appreciate it soooo much!!
Also, thank you for your tips, they will come in extra useful, so thank you. And as for holiday-makers, it's just people going on holiday, as this is set in an airport, which I really must put in... Ooh!! Thank you for pointing that out, I can now go back and make it a bit more obvious that they're in an airport!!
Thank again, Sunshine (:
--Lucyy xx
Hey, lucyy
I just wanted to tell you what I thought about the preface of your story - I really liked it!
It really was a little short, and I think there are some parts that you can expand so it's a little longer. But I definitely liked your plot and am looking forward to reading more
Here's a little bit more (I didn't read the previous posts, so I might just repeat stuff ...)
My first suggestion for this would be to make that "I looked into his emeral green eyes that were sparkling with defiance" or something like that. To me, it seems like that means she is somehow sparkling with defiance, which doesn't make much sense, right?
Also, you can expand this thought a lot more. Maybe not go really overboard, but you could tell us where they are, describe the atmosphere and/or tension between them (at least I assume there's a lot of tension).
Loved this part! I think it really conveys her desperation and her wish to be with him, although they somehow can't. Good job
What you could add to this, though, is maybe some more information about who or what exactly is "meddling" with their past, as you put it. Just so we know if it's their "doing" or someone else's. Or do you plan to reveal that in the following chapter(s)?
A little question non-related to the review: what exactly do you mean by holiday-makers? Shame on my unfamiliarity with a lot of English terms/words, haha ...
Saying "my true love. My soul mate. My only love" sounds like a repetition. I think I'd sound a little better if you'd say something like "my one and only love. My soul mate".
Overall - again, this was really good and you got me hooked
I absolutely adore twisted love stories with fate and whatelsenot tearing apart the couple ^^
As far as I can tell (and I'm totally no expert on this), your writing style and sentences are pretty awesome and I really like how you write
Keep it up
MySunshine
Thank you so much for taking your time to read this Writersblock, I appreciate it very much!!
And I'm so glad you liked it!! =D
--Lucyy xx
After meeting you in one of the forums I wanted to read some of your work and for this piece I would just like to say WOW! It has captured my attention and my head is buzzing with ideas of what might happen next.Although, I think a little more detail would have grabbed every inch of my attention and not let go! Your descriptions were lovely and the idea of forbidden love is brilliant.I will enjoy reading more. Keep writing!
Writersblock101.
Thank you for taking your time to read and review this, I appreciate it loads, so thank you
And no, I don't have a title for this as of yet, but I'm open to suggestions!! 
Thank you for reading this,
--Lucyy xx
hello lucyy..
i'm still new here at yws, and i was just checking things out..
may i ask: is "A Titleless Story" really your chosen title..?perhaps you still want to change it..? **it's just a suggestion, you know..**
the preface..it was not bad..actually it was nice, because many young people can relate, especially girls..those who just had bitter breakups..
**oh, how can i do that?!**
god bless..
Thank you both on taking your time to read and review this, I can't tell you how much it means to me =D
hehe, so thank you =D
Angel of Death - You are too sweet, your review's going to make me smile all day (: hehe, and thank you for reading this. And thanks for your title suggestion - I really love it, I will definitely have that written down for when I start deciding on the title
Squall
Thank you for reading this, and I have used this as a preface, because 6this scene happens on much later in the story, and I just love writing prefaces to start a story =P hehe. And the reason this is so vague, is because I show their love for each other etc as I start the story. I think that's all your questions answered (: and thank you for taking your time to read this and give me your opinions on it - it's always good to know what people think of my work =D
Again, thank you both,
--Lucyy xx
Hey lucyy.
I don't think you need a preface. All this can be shown in the first chapter of your novel. Why would need to introduce to us prior to the start of the narrative that the narrator is in love? That's what a romance novel is all about.
Just getting dead tired with all the eye cliches that I read in people's works. It is a common idea that by looking at someone's eye, it portrays their soul, what they are feeling and who they are as a person. Come on, I think we all know that.
All this is physical description, but it doesn't give us a reason as to why we should care tha the narrator is in love. Does a person fall in love with someone just because of their looks...or is there more to it?
Andy.
This was beautifully written and I kinda envy you. I could never write something so short and sweet and flowing like this. It takes me pages and pages to write a prologue and even then I don't think its good. There wasn't much to complain about, but I guess I can help you out with the title or at least give you some suggestions. I don't know whats going to happen in this story, but I saw on your profile that you liked Sarah Dessen and she's one of my favorite authors too. Anyways, the thing I like about her books is that her title comes from her book and I love love love when authors do that. When I started reading this, the first sentence really pulled me in.
With Love sounds like a cool name for a book but I couldn't say because I haven't read the rest. So all I can say is I hope you don't give up on this.
Thanks for the read,
~Angie
Heyy Jazz, nice to meet you (:
Thank you for reading this, and I'll reword the sentence you pointed out!!
Thank you for your review and I'm glad you liked it
Lucyy xx
Hello Lucyy, I'm Jazz! =)
This sentence was the only one that bothered me. It didnt flow very well. Maybe take out 'Just' and reword a bit.
Okay, your excelent writing has me hooked.
On to part one.
--Jazz
All the possibilities...
There is so much that could happen with this and you have my mind on overload, which is such a good thing!
But I must comment on the length...too short for me. I guess prologues are meant to capture the reader and you have captured me, but I still can't help but want more with this. I don't know...it just seems like more of a flash back than a prologue.
But that's just me...
Can't wait to read more!
Thank you, I'm going to edit those mistakes today & I'll add in a bit more scenery & descriptions. Thank you all for your tips & for reading this!!
Lucyy xx
I don't think this is a Prologue - it seems more like a Preface. And it's fine. It's attention-grabbing, and intriguing.
My advice to you would to add some insight of the guy's, to make it better. What was he thinking as he looked at her? Was he angry? But if it's only from her point of view, then forget it
This is a good start. But you need to keep writing.
This was very well written. It's got me wanting to know what happened, and what will happen....
It is very short though, and you could probably lengthen it a bit by describing them both a little bit more, and describing the setting. I couldn't figure out where they were at all!
I liked this little scene, but isn't "heart" supposed to be "heard?"
First off, I thought it was very good. In that short amount you wrote, it made me want to cry. That's very good.
is it suppose to be I heard?Next, I saw one mistake.
I love this part! it is so beautifully written.
PM me when you get more.
Good luck and keep writeing.
Thank you all for your tips & comments. I'm so glad you all liked it & want to read more!! hehe ... unbeleivable (:
& thank you daytripper for all your tips .. there's some seriously good bits that you've written there that I think I'm going to use & abuse
Haha thank you all & I shall get to editing this piece & completing the first chapter to it
Lucyy xx
You had me hooked from the very first sentence. EXCELLENT! I cannot wait to devour the first chapter.
I love it.
If I were you, I would polish it, but remember: less is more.
When I have stuff thats short like this, I build off of it into chapters and stuff.
Like, I started with a five-sentnce prologue and it morphed into a notebook full of writing.
Now that prologue is the back leaf.
Just a couple tips
Keep it coming!
This is a good introduction to a story. It left me wanting to read more
. If you wanted to make it longer, you could add in more about the characters' appearances, and the setting, to give the reader a clearer picture. Can't wait for more!
xoxo,
Shannon
Lucyy-
It is short, as I noticed and it's brief also. Names could help but it's just the prologue. The phrases to describes the man was great and description could be worked on. Like more in depth MC thoughts about her true love and the setting. Like is it midnight? Daylight? Dawn? Is there a sunrise or sunset? Where are they? Little things like that could help. Very romantic and a tinsy, little bit of chessiness. Which could help in some sort of way. {I don't know}. Otherwise I like it and I would like to see more, please.
-Merry
Well, I'm confused. This is a prologue, so will the chapters explain what got them to
that point, or will they explain what happens after this point.
Making me have that question is excellent: you have me hooked.
Now, let's just make things a little longer(:
I looked into his emerald green eyes, sparkling with defiance. With love.
Since this is your opening sentence, it should give more detail and explanation.
Try something with a name, or something with:
I looked into Dude's Name hurt face, waiting impatiently. His eyebrows burrowed, his lips straight, and those emerald green eyes sparkling with defiance.
No, sparkling with love... for me.
Good? You don't have to use that exactly but it was an example.
I love you too, I wanted to shout back. I wanted so desperately to throw my arms around his neck, to twist my fingers in his long, dark hair and press my lips firmly against his. But I just couldn't be with him. We both knew that our fates had been meddled with too much and we just could never be together.
Here was good, but lets add some things to make this baby kick!(;
I love you too should be in ' ' since she's thinking it. Alright so from the desperation
I see he has long dark hair.
How about:
I wanted ever so much to mingle my arms around his neck, press my limp body against
his (strong, tall, etc) statue, weave my fingers into his thick, long dark hair, and finally press my lips against his. But I couldn't - I wouldn't. We both knew that are fates have been messed around with for far too long and we just couldn't ever be together.
Hmm? How's that sound?
I looked into his beautiful eyes one last time, turned wordlessly on my heel and walked away, tears streaming down my face.
I liked this. I can't really find anything wrong. Good job!
As I walked away from him, I heart the dominant sound of my heart breaking in two, pulling me apart from the inside as I walked away from my true love. My soul mate. My only love.
...I've written something like this. It was called Bandages. Here's how my ending sounded: “Okay.” It took a lot of strength, but I said it. I was choking on my own feelings, so upset. “But I want you to know that no matter how many days come and go; my feelings will never change for you.” And with that I opened the door and got out, lightly closing it and walking away from him, my heart’s bandages reopening, my pain filling my lungs, and finally, a tear trickled down my face.
The End.
So basically, I can 'relate'.
OH and by the way, it should be heard, not 'heart the sound'.
I think here you have to just add some more scenery detail or something. I can't
exactly pin point it but some thing's not right here!
Well! I'll be looking for the next part, most definitely!