Ugggggg! My computer just deleted the whole entire review I was finished with to give you and now it's gone. GONE!!
Oh well. I can't rant forever. Now, let's finish this reivew once and for all
Rosaline smiled at Jase, trying to take it in that she was seeing her brother again for the first time in ten – ten – years.
I don't think the dashes you use really emphasis anything. I think you should use italics or something. Maybe even try this: ...seeing her brother again for the first time in ten - has it really been that long? - years.
“Oh I missed you, you silly cow,” Jase said.
Silly cow? lol I wish people in America talked like that
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
“Now you have no reason to be angry,” Jase said sternly, “it’s not Jared’s fault that you weren’t here and that happened.”
How does Rosaline feel when Jase says this? Angry? Sad? Regretful? Elaborate more here on her emotions and thoughts.
Rosaline smiled at Cynthia, who smiled back a dazzling smile.
Too much smiling going on here. Make one a "grin" or a "beam"
![Wink :wink:](./images/smilies/icon_wink.gif)
“She’s a sad girl, Cynthia, a very sad, lonely woman.” Jase kissed Cynthia’s forehead, vowing that he would change that; vowing he would make his little sister happy again.
Cute Ending
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
~ ~ ~ ~
Allrighty, I think you did mighty well, lucy lu! I loved all the conversations and you created a very believable atmosphere for your readers. The only thing I would work on is clarifying the things I pointed out above ^^^ and making the conversation between the two sisters flow easier at the beginning.
Otherwise, I loved it!
*clicks gold star button with a flourish*
Points: 1075
Reviews: 842
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