no name :)

by lshryock2
  • November 27, 2008
  • Lyrics
  • poetry
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It's been a while, I'm so nervous
So many people i don't know surround me, staring at me like I'm freak.
"i get this enough at home" i think.
But there you are. More beautiful then ever.
Your brown hair shines and your floating like a flower.
Your leaving your date, he seems happy, but his smile is fake.
But it doesn't matter anymore.
All my fears have literally walked out the door.
Your too good to even know my name, you said things just haven't been the same.
I made mix tape to help your remember my name.
Everyone seems to disappear. But i can't care.
Your truly the only one here.
I'm in the corner staring at my feet, your making everyone laugh,the party is complete.
you were the missing piece.
Oh, how you shine in this crowded room.
But now your leaving your party scene, just to come dance with me?
Their eyes are filled with jealously but your blue eyes are telling me...
you the happiest when your with me?

Comments & reviews · 3
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sudz_amigo
Review
sudz_amigo wrote a review · Sat Feb 21, 2009 10:57 am

Hey! A few mistakes I could point out.

lshryock2 wrote:It's been a while, I'm so nervous
So many people i don't know surround me, staring at me like I'm a freak.
"i get this enough at home" i think.
The I always has to be a capital.
But there you are. More beautiful then ever.
Your brown hair shines and your floating like a flower.

You seem to be confusing your and you're Here it should be Your brown hair shines and YOURE floating like a flower.

Youre leaving your date, he seems happy, but his smile is fake.
But it doesn't matter anymore.
All my fears have literally walked out the door.
Youre too good to even know my name, you said things just haven't been the same.
I made mix tape to help your remember my name.
Everyone seems to disappear. But i can't care.
Youre truly the only one here.
I'm in the corner staring at my feet, your making everyone laugh,the party is complete.
you were the missing piece.
Oh, how you shine in this crowded room. I think you can use an exclamation mark at the end of the sentence here.
But now youre your party scene, just to come dance with me?
Their eyes are filled with jealously but your blue eyes are telling me...
you the happiest when your with me?


I think the idea of the poem is pretty good and so were some of the lines. Just polish it a bit, work on punctuation and sentence structuring and you'll be great! :) Also I'd like to know, what's a mix tape? Anyway, keep writing! Hope to see some of your works around. Btw, I tried to check out your photogaphy section, it says invalid. :?:

Random avatar
1993vlad@gmail.com
Review
1993vlad@gmail.com wrote a review · Thu Nov 27, 2008 2:42 am

seems like u care for this guy a little too much- but thats good because i have a girlfriend and she is exactly the same-----------------since your my friend on this i just went to the feedbacks or something and clicked on this so i dont really know if this is the poetry from what is seems like or if this is lyrics- but if this is poetry then good job girl

User avatar
lshryock2
Comment
lshryock2 commented · Thu Nov 27, 2008 1:59 am

i put myself in my best guy friends position,.
I'm not a boy and I'm not interested in girls
hahah
but anywho..
he moved away a year ago and he came back for homecoming...
i pretended i was him and i made his thoughts about everyone and about me come to life
:D hope you like it



Beware of advice—even this.
— Carl Sandburg