How We're Spending Friday Night...

hi, listeningforthemuse, ummmmmmm i quite think that was a good one. as you said i won't judge too harshy. you wrote the poem by 2:oo that was quite fine.

i would have loved you to go further to explain who the word "they" stands for since i've got no idea.

i appreciate the way in which the poem was written.

it was well arranged

nicely edited and all that. nice poem for short.

I like it.

i don't know why, but i actually enjoyed the on again, off again rhyming scheme. the message wasn't too clear, but i got the gist of it. i mean, i know you so of course i know exactly what you're talking about, but others might not get it quite so easily.

for me, it lacked emotion. it was nice and i had no trouble understanding what you were talking about (maybe, i mean, unless i'm wrong... which i very rarely am ), but it seemed to be lacking something, like there was this big hole of missing feeling. the words make sense, the meaning behind them can be figured out, but where's the emotion i so love your poetry for?

So here we all sit. (opens the poem up nicely and gives a setting)



The television dancing in colored lights before our eyes. (i really liked this line it gives the television a nice little action)

A headache slowly pulses into my mind, (hmm i would change pulses maybe to seethes?)

But I can't stop.



I look at them; all far away. (whos them?)

Yet somehow close enough to see them fade;

Into the moment. (very very nice this line)



People we'll never know and never meet,

Living life the way that we should be.

But noone cares; it’s just too easy to sit and stare. (a good paragraph needs some better wording though)



How much time have we spent?

How much of this time will we regret?

When all is over and life is done; was it all worth a second’s fun?



Death is knocking at the door,

And everything we didn’t do before, (really didnt understand this line)

Wow, that was very good. It could be more clear, like on who they are. 2:00 am poems rock. I have written a whole bunch between 1-3:00am.

I like this. The message is simple yet so true for society today. There is one thing that's bothering me though, and that is the rhyming scheme. Or lack there of. Sort of. [=P]

It seems that in several places you started to try to rhyme the thing, but in the next few lines you completely blow that idea. Then you start rhyming again, then you stop. It seems to put pauses in the poem where there isn't supposed to be while I'm trying to figure out if the lines are supposed to rhyme or not. You need to either rhyme sompletely or not at all.

Good job, otherwise. =]

I loved this!!! I really liked what you were saying, because it is so true. People waste so much time (me included) infront of the TV and stuff, wishing amazing things happened to them, instead of getting out there and really living. I loved the line about what it is really worth. You are right, in the end it won't matter what we watched. It is all pleasure and that's it. Anyway I thought this was good. There are so many other things we could be doing.

"They" are my friends.
Because this is how we were spending Friday night.
Sorry I didn't make that clear enough.

Thanks for all the reviews, guys!

This was much appreciated as a piece....it really speaks to me.

A bit simplistic in nature, but the message is strong enough to make up for the simplicity. That's great, because this really is a good piece. I really liked it; it reminds me of why I used to write poetry...back when I was good at it.

I look forward to more of these in the future.

i really enjoyed your poem. you really gave a solid feeling of constant question and doubt that we all feel at some point in our lives, "are we living it out to the fullest? or are we wishing we were some one else?" sure it wasnt that specific but thats what, for me, created all the emotion and thought.

really well written!!!
<3 bLACK STAR

This could be a good piece but as I agree with the above review, I have no clue who "they" are. Your idea of "they" switches on and off. The fact is that there are many many many different kinds of people on tv. I felt you had to be more specific rather than so general.
By the way, you asked for no harsh judgements, but why post it for reviews if that's what you don't want? If you want some old, closet, poetry to sit in a box that you're never going to read again, by all means as for not "harsh" reviews. However, if you want to succeed as a written you must learn to deal with the critism thrown at you because that's how you learn. Also, with most critism, it isn't all bad. In fact, there are even some compliments thrown in there. Anyways, enough of my droning on. Here is my opinion.

This isn't bad, but it's nothing special.
I disliked this line:
Living life the way that we should be.
I felt it made no sense.
If you were talking about celebrities and all, that means you want a life so public? You want to be stalked by cameras and have no personal life?

Death is knocking at the door,
Very cliche line and also the ryhme here was very forced.

Nothing more to add really.
There are a lot of improvements you could make here, but you already know that.
Maybe you wrote this in a rush or just for the heck of it but you should've worked on it more before posting.
I feel a lot of length could be added here to make the poem seem to have more depth and soul, importance if you will, to it.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

Umm... this could be good, but I never understood who these "they" were. Since the television was on, I'm guessing they were like celebrities/actors and the poem was about not following a dream to do something like that??? It was very abstract. If you added more explanation into these people's identities, it would help.
P.S. no one is two words.