Sense of ‘never fitting in’, an alienation from society
Reluctance to talk of romantic partners or history of relationships; being single for a long time; having never been in a relationship
Being in a relationship but seeming unhappy or disinterested in it
Alienation from others of the same sex
Stronger sense of alienation from the opposite sex
Intense need for secrecy; even to the point of paranoia
Inability to form close friendships because of these symptoms
Conflicted or distant relationship from parents or close family
Conflicted relationship with religion; agnosticism; existential dread; sudden inexplicable abandonment of faith
Apparently inexplicable admiration for individual that is often mistaken for desire for friendship or for a role model
Revulsion of romance and possibly convention in general, especially in regard for gender that is often mistaken for disinterest
Absolute denial if any of these symptoms are brought into question
We’re desperate for them. All of us. If you look closely you can see the fibres of the paper, or the red blue and green lights, the static on the screen, but we stay back so it’s all real to us. Until it isn’t.
We find the ones. Before we know why. It rarely ever differs. Always the bridesmaid. Always in pain. It’s never you- it’s always the other people. What do you do when nothing is like you? Nothing at all. It’s getting stuffy. It’s lonely. Boring. That’s it, isn’t it? We’re bored.
I was told to expect agony, like every cell in your body burning up at once. Imminent death. But it wasn’t like that. It was just: Ok, okay.
Oh. Of course.