This is what I would say if I could speak. But I can’t, and that’s all your fault.
Was any of it my fault? That’s all they talk about. Just like his father, one day. Don’t you dare say that, the next. It’s not that they can’t make their mind up, they just live in denial. Who doesn’t. The town is built on denial, it’s in our very cells. It’s what a soul is made of. You and I have that in common. We don’t believe.
It wasn’t my fault. Responsibility means free will, after all. I never got the chance. I was just lucky in that I managed to wash the blood off my hands before it dried. Stop clawing at your skin (not to get it off just to hide it behind the scars) because I’ll always be there. Always.
I’ll be there when you close your eyes. You’re scared to even blink. I never leave the room. Always out of sight. You’re looking for me. God, you’re obsessed. Anyone would think you’re in love. You don’t feel though, do you? That’s what you want me to say. Heartless. Incapable of emotion. You function on routine.
None of that’s true. That’s the tragedy, isn’t it? You want to be such a good person but you can never be one now. It doesn’t matter what you do now. A life down the drain. You don’t believe in God, you always say. You just don’t want to. Don’t want to believe in Hell.
I’m waiting. I’ve got a lot to say to you. Of course, I want to know why. I wasn’t dangerous. You and I once had that in common. You’ll never do it again? I don’t believe you. I DON’T BELIEVE YOU.
You don’t really know what ‘gone’ means. You can’t think about it. It’ll be alright one day. Come to your senses, idiot. Do you think I’m going away? Never. Do I need to explain what that means too?
Do I still look like me? I don’t have eyes any more, I need to you describe it. Is it the drunk frenzy? The anger? Or the nothingness? Do you know nobody came for me? One upon a time people like me had dignity. I turn to dust in the darkness. Do you think about how I fall away to dust? Is it easier to imagine my bones, because I’m not human? Or not, because you made me this way?