This is temporary, he said.
(He said that last time and the time before.)
This is temporary. Which means it’s not forever. Which means it’s
going to end someday. Of course it will, we die. Eventually. Or not. After all,
I can see all my bones and feel myself disappearing. There’s something missing
when I look in the mirror. Girls like me don’t die. We disappear.
This is temporary, he says.
(He’s trying to make me feel better.)
Don’t you want to fight back? Next time they start creeping after me, I’ll turn
around. I’ll kick when they grab hold. Scream the world down using only my hands
and feet. All I need it a match and hairspray, and that’s it for you. Don’t you
want to hurt them? After all they did. Yes you do. Lying is the lesser evil.
The virtuous act is such only to yourself.
This is temporary, he will say.
(It doesn’t specify anything, that’s why he likes the word.)
Fine. Say you don’t want to. Let them go away in a puff of smoke instead. Clean
conscience- sorry, cleaner
conscience. What then? Don’t say go home, like some little kid. I wouldn’t know
where to start. Sometimes I wonder if you’re a person. I say: one day you’ll
get drunk/have a laugh/make a friend/fall in love/die. You say: be realistic.
Sometimes I want to spit your noble sacrifice back in your face.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hello,
This is temporary, he said. - Striking first sentence.
I enjoy the interjecting nature of the thoughts in parenthesis, and the way the rest of the narrative moves on as if the MC hasn't spoken at all. It lends to a one-sided nature of conversation which illustrates much about the relationship. The issue is not only that "he" keeps saying it's temporary, but also that she can't/won't voice her thoughts to him.
Lying is the lesser evil - interesting perspective. He's telling her the truth, laying it all bare. She doesn't like that he doesn't lie to her. Truth is the greater crime. Sometimes a lie is the best thing.
that's why he likes the word - This is temporary. This can mean anything. This can mean I can use you.
Fine. Say you don't want to. Let them go away in a puff of smoke instead. - she walks away and hopes he/them will disappear. He condescends to her. She wants to spit his noble sacrifice (the truth) back in his face.
It's complex, it runs off on interesting tangents, leaps from one thought to another. I appreciate this piece for what it is - projected inward. Confused and angry and frustrated and young.
Thank you for sharing...
-Dream
Thank you so much for the review!
Wow! I don't know what to say.... I'm not sure if it was just so heart-felt, or if it was just confusing. But this was really good. It was kinda strange to read at first because I had no idea what was going on at the time. But then I started realizing that maybe this girl is going through something. Maybe she is getting bullied, or maybe she's anorexic? Either way, this made me think in the perspective of others' shoes. It's not all black and white, it's a variety of colors. A rainbow. I was thinking about how she said, "Don't you want to fight back?" And I said to myself, "Yeah, I do. But I don't know how..." And I continued reading, realizing that maybe there was a way to win even though some of us don't have a place in this world. I digress, this story was really good, I suggest you make more of these because it makes you think in a different way than before. Keep up the good work!:)
Thank you! I'm glad it had an effect on you
Thank you! I'm glad it had an effect on you
Thank you! I'm glad it had an effect on you