z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

My Life in a Bizarre Town: Chapter 4

by kman134


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Western section; Cafeteria; 11:20PM...

Lunchtime had started and everyone, at this time, was already in the cafeteria. I was sitting at a lunch table, as well, eating the special they were serving, today: “Roastbeef with Chicken & Dumplings!” now, it wasn't really my decision to eat in the cafeteria, but my voice didn't matter in this situation. Sitting beside me with both her arms around mine was Keiko, having a cute smirk as she rubbed her cheeks against my shoulders, which, for me, was a little uncomfortable, as well as attracting a lot of attention from everyone around me, in the cafeteria.

“Oh, Haru, isn't it nice to have lunch with you?” Keiko said with enthusiasm; she took the fork out of my hand, scooped up some of the Chicken & Dumplings, and told me to “say ah!” wanting to feed me like a baby. I, on the other hand, felt embarrassed because of people staring at me; however, as reluctant as I am about doing this, I couldn't refuse out of not hurting Keiko’s feelings, or make her angry, so I opened my mouth and took a bite.

“Ahem!” I turned my attention to the front when, sitting in front of me, Elizabeth was, also, eating. “Haru, you seem to be getting along well with our new classmate? Aren't you going to introduce me to her?!” she intensely inquired, smiling with a wide grin. Oh, don't be fooled, her smile did not match her dark glare, and threatening aura.

I was a little scared of Elizabeth's expression as I had a half-grin formed while a large droplet of sweat appeared on my temple. Choosing my words wisely, I, nervously, scratched my head and answered Elizabeth, “Well, you see, Lizzy...”

“...I'm Keiko Yamaguchi, Haru's childhood friend and lover!” right there, Keiko cut me off and introduced herself before I could. She was always blunt and would usually say something that, even in elementary school and middle school, and I had gotten use to it, but I would still feel awkward from what she would do.

Shocked, I snapped my head to her and shouted, ecstatically, “Wait, who said I was your lover?!” Elizabeth's dark aura started growing bigger after hearing that.

“Okay, I'm not your lover, but I still want to be,” Keiko corrected herself, still being as flirtatious as I remembered her.

Just then, Elizabeth's dark aura, quickly, faded as she asked Keiko, “Wait a minute; how can you be Haru's childhood friend when I'm, also, his, as well?!” she yelled as Elizabeth pointed her finger at Keiko, then back to her, at the end of the sentence. Putting her hand down, she then turned her attention to me. “Haru, explain the meaning of all this!”

Now, sweating profoundly, I decided to answer what the both of them wanted to know. “Elizabeth, you are my first childhood friend, and Keiko is my second childhood friend,” I explained, being as straightforward as possible. “It was right after I came back to Japan that I met Keiko in elementary school and after spending some time together, we quickly became close friends.”

“Well, we're not close enough!” Keiko retorted in a flirtatious tone.

“Never mine that! Keiko, why are you here anyway?!” demanded answers from my “Second” childhood friend.

Her expression didn't change and still had the same smiling face; she explained, “Oh, that was easy, when I heard you were transferring to the United states, I asked my mother to transfer me to the exact same school as you; that way, I could be with you even more, Haru-kun!” This time, her face became even cuter than before; biting my bottom lip, I could feel my body quivering from anxiety.

Crossing her arms, Elizabeth irritatedly said, “Could you, please, refrain your senseless flirting! We are at school; have some manners!”

“Yeah, well, who are you to tell me how to act?! You flat-chested prima-donna?!” Letting go of my arms and standing up from her seat, Keiko sneered, spitefully, while having both hands on her hips.

Suddenly, their bickering started catching the attention of the other classmates around us; I could hear them whispering to one another:

“Look at that guy!”

“I'm so jealous!”

“What's so special about him?!”

“Two hot girls fighting over some loser; what gives?!”

I was panicking; standing up, I whispered, anxiously, to my two childhood friends: “Ladies, calm down, your arguing is starting to draw attention. Can we just finish our lunch without causing a ruckus?!” After hearing what I said, they noticed the gazes they were receiving, Elizabeth and Keiko's faces became red as they sat back down and began to be quiet until lunchtime had ended where we got up and then headed straight to 4th period; unfortunately, Elizabeth and Keiko were, also, taking the same class as I was. I was sitting in the same 3-foot-long, rectangular-shaped table, in the third row; the smell of dry paint filled the room as I listened to the current lecture brought to the class by our elderly teacher, Mrs. Enderson, on the history of Baroque Works art of the Renaissance; however, I was having difficulty paying attention on the account of Elizabeth and Keiko sitting on both sides of my table; two them sharing the same threatening glare with one another with me in the middle of it all...

30-minutes-later; at the end of the school day...

I walking down the hallway, as usual, about to head out of the school building; down at the entrance, Elizabeth was waiting for me. She thought it would be nice to walk home, together, again; however, it seemed that Keiko had the same idea, as well. Looking out the window, as the girls, both at the front entrance, staring down at one another with powerful glares; so powerful, you could actually see bolts of electricity firing out of their eyes and at each other.

I knew I had to go down there, so eventually, so I started heading to the staircase; suddenly, I heard a voice—a girl's voice-- coming from across the hallway. It was a song, the most beautiful melody, almost like it was being sung by an angel; I began following, wanting to know where it was coming from and who was singing it, and the more I ran, the louder it became until it took me to the staircase leading to the rooftop. At first I was hesitant of going up there, but then I remembered that Alexandra wasn't doing her “Afternoon-evening jogs” today, or else, I would be dead. Opening the door, I set right onto the roof; right there, on the edge, was a girl with long, pure white hair that stretch down to her waist and a yellow bow at the end, leaning her stomach against the railings, clasping her hands together as her mellifluous voice illuminated the vicinity.

Can you here me? Can you see me? My voice falls deep within the dark! I wish to find my way out, but I can't find hope that it will come to an end! Under every distant wish, the stars become a piece of eternity. The solitude pains the heart. It will grant you, the loneliness of a caged life. Light or darkness, where are you now? Do not fear, the moment that you dread will never come. Under every distant wish, the star becomes a piece of eternity. The loneliness, ever so painful, in my heart is screaming to find you! But alas, my voice cannot reach you; my existence is still incomplete. Which is why that someday, no matter how long it takes; I will wait for you. And when we at last meet, I’ll hold you, and never let you go.

When the song was over, the girl deeply sighed and took a step back from the rails. I started clapping my hands while having a smile on my face; I had never heard anything as beautiful as that song. Startled; the girl turned around, looking around eclectically, shouting in a frightened tone, “Is anyone there?!” as I got closer, I got a better look at her. I was surprised when I saw her gray eyes. Oh my god, she’s blind! I gasped; her eyes soon closed when I finally said to her, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Suddenly, the girl began leaning backward, slipping and was about to fall off the rail. At that moment, my instincts kicked in. “Hold on!” I shouted while hearing her scream; with lightning speed, I dashed as fast as I could and right before she fell, I grabbed her by the foot, preventing her from actually falling…only to come face-to-face with the young girl’s yellow panties, cringing in fear as my nostrils began to bleed. I pulled her back up as I placed her back on the ground; I bowed my head and apologized: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to see your panties!” her face began to turn a little red when she heard what I said.

Walking towards me, she reached her hands up and started to feel my face, I guess to know what I look like; then, she replied, shyly, “O-oh, that’s okay; I-I was just on the rooftop working on the new lyrics to my song, thinking that nobody would come up here!” I examined more of her. She had pale skin with a hint of peach, and a bust size of about 32C, wearing a white one-piece dress with no sleeves while the skirt reached down to her ankles, a pair of black sandals with white straps, and a white sunhat with a yellow bond with a blue rose on the left side of her hat. A beautiful girl that comes with a beautiful voice, what’s the chance of meeting someone like her? (Well, apart from Liz who might have a gorgeous voice, but I never heard it before) “I’m Hikari Setsuna, by the way,” she greeted, smiling, as she shook my hand.

“My name is Haru Takishima; you have a beautiful voice, I heard while I was in the school,” I commented, scratching the back of my head with my free hand and flashed a gleeful grin.

“Oh! You heard that? I didn’t expect anyone to hear my voice,” she remarked; with her eyes closed, she formed a sincere smile on her face as if to like my comment.

I frowned from seeing her eyes and had to ask her, “Excuse me, Hikari, but if I may ask, are you blind?” I knew it was impolite to ask her that and knew that it was personal, but I just wanted to be sure.

The girl responded truthfully, saying in a sad tone, “Yes, I am,” while she retained her smile. You could hardly tell whether, or not, she was sad. I sighed; I should’ve just avoided asking her, but it was already too late and a silence of awkwardness filled the air. Suddenly, I realized that my friends were waiting for me and, in a hectic tone of voice, I said to Hikari, “Sorry, but I gotta get going; my friends are waiting for me!” I ran down the stairs, from the second to the first floor, and headed out of the front entrance; unfortunately, hen I got there, Liz and Keiko were already gone; I guess they couldn’t wait anymore, so they went home without me.

30-minutes-later…

Opening the front door to my house, I shouted out throughout the inside, “I’m home!” taking off my shoes, placing them against the wall, and closing the front door behind me. That’s when I heard a voice greeting me from the kitchen: “Welcome home, darling; would you like to have dinner, take a bath, or…” walking out of the kitchen, Keiko came to see me; my eyes widened when I saw that the only thing she was wearing was a short white apron, wrapped, tightly, around her large breasts, and a soup ladle in her right hand. “…Would you like to have me?” damn it, if I kept losing more blood, I’m going to need a blood transfusion if I’m going to survive this.

“I’ll have dinner…” I passed out about 5 seconds from blood loss with the last thing to hear was Keiko screaming, “D-darling!” next thing I know it, everything went dark.

1-hour-later; after dinner…

I was lying in the bathtub, soaking as I drifted away. While I descending into the water, I started thinking about Hikari; like a song on a record player, I just couldn’t get her song out of my head, it was like there was some sort of spell within those lyrics. Unbeknownst to me, the bathroom door opened, causing me snap my head to the sounds’ direction.

“Darling! Want me to help wash your body?!” walking through the steam was Keiko, now wearing nothing but a towel. Is she trying to kill me?!

Thankfully, I was able to held in what little blood I had left; standing halfway out of the tub with my lower torso still in the water, I refused Keiko’s offer, waving my hands and panicking, “No, no, I’m okay! I’ve already got everything washed; so, there’s no need for you to help me!”

“Hmm…nope, I don’t believe you!” smiling, deviously, she took off her towel, revealing all of her well formed curves and mounds as I gasped unnervingly, jumping into the tub and proceeded to wash every part of my body with a lecherous grin on her face. “Hah, Keiko!” I screamed, becoming hysterical as I resisted every one of her attempts. This is becoming too much to handle! I Jumped out of the tub, grabbed a towel, and made a break for it out the bathroom.

10-minutes-later; after my bath…

I was lying on my bed, taking in a deep sigh as I tried to put that whole ordeal behind me, wearing a red shirt and a pair of sweat pants; thank god tomorrow is Friday. Scheming through my IPhone, I looked back at my door, feeling relieved that it was still locked.

Turning to my alarm clock, I saw that it was already 10:30PM, so I went to bed right away. I turned off the lights, tucked myself under my sheets, and closed my eyes as I drifted away into sleep. Right before I fell completely asleep, I felt something heavy pressing on my stomach. I fluttered my eyes as I woke up, seeing a dark silhouette on top of me; its appearance resembled that of a young woman’s and when my vision became clearer, I was shocked to see who I was. Keiko! What’s she doing here?! I thought I locked the door; how’d she get in my room?! I was dumbfounded to find my secondary childhood friend in my room, but something was different bout her. I might’ve been dreaming, but I thought I saw wings—bat wings—on her back, a pair of ram horns on her temples, and a long tail with a heart-shape at the end. She was dressed in purple-laced lingerie, consisting of a gartered cami and thong, underwire cups, and fishnet stockings. She started to crawl forwards, just enough for our faces to meet. I was now fully aware of my situation; I nervously quailed as I shrieked, “Keiko, what are you doing in my room!” she realized I was awake and was taken aback by it.

“Wow, I didn’t expect you to wake up, yet!” she remarked, having a astonished look on her face. Her expression changed as a grin formed on her face. “Doesn’t matter; I’ll continue what was about to do before you opened your eyes.” She started caressing my cheeks at the end.

“I refuse to let you have your way with me and what’s with those wings?!” I snapped, pointing at the extra appendages and features on Keiko’s body.

She looked puzzled, but once she looked at her wings, she realized and explained, “Oh! These things; the reason why I have them is because I’m a succubus—a demon of love!” I was a bit flabbergasted, but that went away moments later; it started to make a lot of sense of why she was always flirty and would be open with her feelings; still, that was no excuse: “Would you just go back to your room and sleep! We got school tomorrow!” I then comically kicked Keiko out of my room and shut it behind her while hearing her shout, “But, darling!” as she pleaded and pressed against the door. To make sure she doesn’t sneak in, again, I made sure that the door and all the windows were locked, and then placed a chair right under the doorknob.

Finally, I could sleep, closing my eyes and drifting into dreamland; unfortunately, the ordeal wasn’t over as I could hear Keiko heavily breathing against the door. This was going to be a long night.

The next morning; 8:35AM…

I was flabbergasted; I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Standing in front of the school’s bulletin board, in the center section of the school, I saw a poster of the current events that went on the school, yesterday, and on the front cover was a picture of me in the awkward position I was with Hikari when I saved her life. “Shameless pervert hanging school’s angel on the roof!” is what the headline said, and from that day I was receiving threatening glares from students around me.

“There he is!” turning around, there was a ground of about, I guess, 40 people in front of me, holding banners and wearing teachers with Hikari’s face on them. “Can I help you?” I casually asked while arching an eyebrow.

“You’re the guy who violated Hikari; you’re going to pay for that!” said the glasses-wearing guy in the middle who may have been the leader. “We’re from the Hikari fan club and we’re here for your head, Haru Takishima!”

Holding my hands up, I panicked and retorted the leader’s claim, saying, “No, you got it all wrong, I was only trying to save her…” but they didn’t want to hear it; instead, they were so blinded by rage that they prepared to attack. I backed away from the angry mob, only to realize that they were moving forward; without hesitation, I turned round and ran like hell! Unfortunately, that didn’t stop them as they began chasing after me. I take back what I say last night; THIS was going to be a long day.


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Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:28 am
Holysocks wrote a review...



Hello! Care for a review?- I haven't read previous parts, so please bare with me.

This is a cool idea! I personally have never been a huge fan of anime, but I realize many people love it, so I think you've got something here in that respect.

I, on the other hand, felt embarrassed; however, as reluctant as I am about doing this, I couldn't refuse, so I opened my mouth and took a bite.


Why couldn't Haru refuse? He is in control of his own body, isn't he? Maybe explain why he feels he doesn't have a choice but to let her spoon feed him, whether it's because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings, he's afraid of her, or maybe he has some kind of psychological force keeping him from refusing. It doesn't matter what it is, it's just good to know because otherwise it seems silly that he'd feel like he couldn't say no- like it's an excuse more than anything.

“...I'm Keiko Yamaguchi, Haru's childhood friend and lover!”


This seems like an odd thing to say, even if it's about a very close friend. I realize now that Keiko is a "love demon" but it still doesn't feel like something someone would say, demon or not. Also the fact that Haru has been putting up with her love-demon tendencies for however long, and only just now finds out about it and is like "huh, that makes sense". This guy to me feels a bit unconscious. And by that I mean he doesn't seem to absorb what's happening around him, or really react to it. This makes him sort of hard to relate to, because (I'm not trying to be mean) he doesn't have a whole lot of substance- or at least from what I've seen.

“Haru, explain the meaning of all this; aren't I your childhood friend!”


This again feels odd because... why would she have to ask? If you were someone's "childhood friend" and really their friend, I think you'd know. Also, "childhood friend" seems like a very silly thing to be fighting over- if you have been their friend that long, great! If not, you haven't been! Unless there is something more to this that I'm not aware of.

The other thing I wanted to quickly note about that sentence is the exclamation mark; it should be a question mark. We'll pick up from how she says it, that she's surprised, so it's not needed to use an exclamation mark. I've done that too - replaced question marks with exclamation marks - but it makes it takes something away from it.

Just then, Elizabeth's dark aura, quickly, faded as she asked Keiko,


So your use of all those commas and semicolons makes this a bit tiring to read. Commas are amazing, semicolons are amazing... but they have their place, and there's also a point where there are far too many. And this piece has far too many. My advice: use more periods. Some of your sentences are paragraphs, both size-wise and grammar-wise. If you don't give us a chance to take a breath while reading, we'll give it to ourselves, which is very bad because we might not start reading it again.

Here's some resources that may help with some of the things I've mentioned:

How to Use a Semicolon- even if you do know how to use a semicolon, it's still entertaining because it's done by The Oatmeal. c:
5 Tips for Realistic Characters
Writing Good Dialogue

Keep it up! ^_^

-Socks




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Thu Feb 18, 2016 1:18 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm back for a quick review on this part.

First off, I see that it's rated 16+ already, but only for language. I'd recommend changing that to "mature content," since there's not actually a lot of swearing in this but there is a lot of mature content. Actually, make that 18+ since Keiko's advances are borderline rape.

So, I'm not going to lie - this part left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth for a couple of reasons, mostly centering around plausibility and the girls in the story.

The dialogue during the scene at lunch didn't feel realistic to me. I don't think people would logically argue about being someone's "childhood friend" unless they were really shallow. It should be obvious that people are likely to have more than one friend at any point in their life or during their childhood, especially if, as is the case here, they've moved around a fair bit.

That's only a symptom of a larger problem, however - the girls here aren't realistic at all, to the point where it's actually rather offensive and very distasteful. While there are some girls who are obsessed with guys like that, it usually some "perfect," unobtainable celebrity, not a normal person, and they'd never go that far anyway.

Having girls fight over your main character like this is a very excellent sign that your character is a Gary-Stue, an overly perfect character who has no flaws, and is generally considered boring to read about. And in general, having every single girl in your story be boy-crazy is really annoying and offensive.

But above all that, none of this is remotely plausible. Normal people don't have fan clubs, normal people don't go around being part of fan clubs for other normal people. How on earth is Keiko in Haru's house in the first place, and why can't he call the police to have her removed? Her advances can definitely be considered sexual assault at this point. The school should be able to stop Hikari's fan club from beating Haru up. The whole situation with the girls' advances is warped and distasteful. Not everything in life centers around romance, and the people in this story shouldn't either.

Also, the nosebleed, though this is a minor concern compared to the others. Unless there's something seriously wrong, nosebleeds should stop after 10-15 minutes, at most a half hour, assuming you're pinching your nose and such. (Believe me, I've had lots of them.) Also, it's hard to be mobile with a nosebleed - you're kind of confined to a bathroom with lots of tissues until it stops. And there's no way you'd faint of blood loss from a normal nosebleed - I had a friend who had a nosebleed for 2 solid hours and she was perfectly fine afterwards.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.




kman134 says...


You do realize that this story is a animesque story with anime references. even though there are some realism within the story, much of the story is based on harem manga, not romance novels or any western garbage.



kman134 says...


In Japanese schools, they do have fan clubs for the most popular students and the nosebleeding scene is based on a Japanese urban legend that states that if you are sexually arouse, your nose would start bleeding.



Mea says...


Yes, I do realize that, but the way this was written does not in any way make me engage with the characters because of the stilted dialogue and...strange...actions, and the way the girls act is still rather offensive and off-putting. Regardless of what tradition you're trying to follow, it's not going to win a lot of readers. Also, I'd say calling all western novels "garbage" is a pretty big stretch.



Mea says...


Oh, and thanks for explaining about the nosebleed thing - that makes more sense now.



kman134 says...


I didn't mean western as in all western novel; just the recent ones, which I hate



kman134 says...


If you read the previous chapters, you would know that all the girls featured in the series are all monsters and the dialogue isn't stilted; I just have my own unique form of writing.



Mea says...


I have read your previous chapters - I even reviewed one of them. I'm sorry if I came off as harsh - this just provoked a bit of a strong reaction with me. I guess the thing that bothered me the most was how nonchalantly your main character took everything - it felt like you were playing it all for comedy when really it was just disturbing to me.

Also, I'm sorry, but stilted dialogue is not an "unique form of writing." People talk a certain way based on where they grew up (and other things) and if your writing doesn't reflect that accurately it makes it hard to relate to the characters and throws the reader out of the story. Getting dialogue right is one of the harder aspects of fiction.

Anyway, I don't want to get into an argument, so let's just say we have differences in taste and leave it at that.



kman134 says...


sorry about that; i didn't mean to come off as hostile. When you have asperger's, you tend to not take criticism well. I know that everyone has different taste in literature and other forms of subjects and they all have different viewpoints, but i didn't mean to want to start an argument.



Mea says...


It's not a problem - I was being more defensive than I should have been too. :)



kman134 says...


thanks for understanding; I didn't want you to think differently about me or my work and just wanted t reassure on curtain things.

also, since this is first volume and i've only posted six chapters, the character development on the characters is coming slowly and, also, i now have an editor who's helping me with my dialogue.



Mea says...


That's good to hear - I hope it goes well.




Change isn't inherently good, but you can't stop it, so let's just enjoy the ride. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— TheSilverFox