z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

My Life in a Bizarre Town: Chapter 2

by kman134


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

I stood still, like a stone statue. All the expressions were erased on my face, and I couldn't say a single word.

A vampire?! She told me she was a vampire!

"Haru?" Elizabeth asked with a concerned voice. Tears formed at the corner of her eyes and her cheeks burned red.

Taking a deep breath, I finally replied, "R-right, you are a v-vampire! I don't see anything wrong with that!" I managed to muster a grin, but my body was trembling and beads of sweat fell from my forehead.

Elizabeth revealed a smile of relief, appearing as she did before. But in that smile, I could still see her fangs stick out.

"Oh, you really think so?! Thanks, Haru! I thought you wouldn't like me anymore if I told what I really am!"

15-minutes-later…

For the rest of lunch, I sat on the rooftop to eat. The reason why I didn't want to eat in the cafeteria was because I didn't like what they were serving. I mean, who wants to eat spinach casserole with sausages and chili fries? Although I wouldn't mind the chili fries, I'm very cautious of what the meat was made out of.

Instead, I was going to eat the bento I prepared yesterday. Its contents: Two pickled plum-filled onigiri, two shrimp tempura, a salad with grape tomatoes, and three hot dogs cut in the shape of an octopus. Everything was prepared and placed in the fridge properly, so it was all fresh and delicious.

Elizabeth was sitting right beside me, with her umbrella opened above her to shield her from the sun's rays. Even she had her own lunch box in her hands; I guess she didn't like the food in the cafeteria either.

"So, tell me, Elizabeth. You really are a vampire, right? Then why are you eating from a lunch box? Don't vampires normally drink blood?" I asked curiously.

"We do, but we are still capable of eating human food. However, consuming blood is still a must. At least once in a while, to rejuvenate ourselves," she explained with a straightforward expression. "I know it seems a little gross to you, but when you're a vampire, it's considered normal."

"I see." My eyebrows rose while I nodded my head. "So, what do you have in your lunch box?"

Elizabeth revealed all of its contents while announcing: "Five sandwiches, sliced apples and pears, and four carrot sticks." She made a proud grin. "Hey, a girl's got to watch her figure."

Deadpanned, I only shrugged my shoulders and began eating, taking a bite of the onigiri first. While I was eating, something poked my cheek while I was eating. I stopped chewing and turned my attention to see Elizabeth holding one of her sandwiches in front of me.

"Want to try it?" she pleaded. I couldn't say no to her, especially when her eyes glistened with warmth. So I resigned and took a bite of her sandwich.

Immediately, my taste buds exploded in a tempest of flavor.

"So…what do you think? Is it any good?"

"It's delicious!" I shouted after swallowing another mouthful. "Much better than what I make for lunch!"

Elizabeth smiled brightly as her cheeks flushed, and I found myself doing the same. Then she avoided my eyes while twirling one of her bangs.

"T-Thanks, Haru," she said timidly. "Not many people in my family eat food, so it's hard to get a second opinion on my cooking."

"It's really amazing! Here, try mine to compare!" I grabbed an onigiri from my bento and handed it to Liz. She took one bite and her eyes widened in astonishment.

"Haru, this tastes amazing! It's even better than mine!"

I thought her cooking was better, but I was happy she praised mine nonetheless.

As we ate, I asked Elizabeth another question.

"Are there any other monsters…"

"…Don't call us monsters!" Elizabeth cut me off mid-sentence.

That was the first time I've ever seen Liz snapped. I was taken aback, stunned by that outburst. She saw my surprise, and calmed herself with a deep breath.

"Sorry. I hate it when people call us that. But you're right; there are other 'demi-humans' in Archangel. In fact, our school is full of them!"

"Really?!" I asked while arching my eyebrow.

This was new information to me. Then again, some of my classmates did look a little bizarre. Those I remembered, like the girl with the long bangs covering her eyes, the boy with the earmuffs, and the guy with the strange cloth on his forehead.

"Yep. But we can't reveal ourselves to each other. That's the number one rule in the school," Elizabeth pointed out, extending her index finger in a serious gesture. "The purpose is to hide our identities from other demi-humans and prevent tension from rising. Most of us demi-humans are bitter rivals. We're only allowed to show our true form outside of school, away from prying eyes."

"But, what about the humans in town?" I asked, puzzled. "Wouldn't they all freak out if they saw 'demi-humans' running and prowling through their neighborhood?" The thought made me sick with worry.

"Oh, don't worry. Everyone in town knows that we're monsters…I mean, demi-humans!" she answered, quickly correcting herself.

So everyone knew that monsters existed and lived in this town. I was a little flabbergasted to learn about that.

Right before we could continue, Elizabeth and I heard the bell, signaling lunch to end. Packing our empty boxes into our backpacks, we headed back to class.

3:00PM…

School had finally ended for the day and everyone was heading home. Elizabeth and I decided to walk home together. While strolling down the sidewalk, we continued our conversation from earlier.

"Elizabeth, I've been thinking. How come there are so many demi-humans in this town? I mean, why did you guys decide to live here?" I inquired with an analytical expression.

Liz placed a finger on her chin, pondering in thought. Then she stopped walking and turned around to face at a large mountain, outside of town. Her finger pointed straight to that mountain.

"That's the reason why we're all coming to this town. The 'Mountain of St. Edward'."

She began to explain everything to me.

"You see, about 300 years ago when this town was founded, a shooting star fell from the heavens and struck the mountain right through its center. Many of the townsfolk gathered and hiked up the mountain together, hoping to find out what the shooting star was. One man—a friar—named Edward, ventured into the mountain, journeying through the catacombs until he reached the end.

"Unfortunately, he was never seen again. After, the others entered to try to find the missing friar. When they made it halfway down, they found Edward, stuck in a catatonic state. He had to have seen something so horrific or amazing that his mind couldn't handle it, and he just shut down. In his diary, it said that he made it into the center of the mountain, and found the shooting star. It said that the shooting star was actually a fallen angel, casted out by God himself, and imprisoned in the mountain for eternity.

"Since then, many of us demi-humans have migrated to this town, as if something was calling us; as if giving us safe haven here from all the trouble that lies in the world.

"Or at least that's how the legend goes."

"Wow, that's one weird story," I murmured. Then, I asked her, "Do you really think it's true?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Elizabeth answered, "I'm not sure. No one has ever thought about going into the mountain. They're all afraid they'll suffer the same fate as St. Edward."

20 minutes later, Elizabeth and I were standing in front of a second-story-tall, Victorian-style home. It was large, with dark-blue walls, crimson roof tiles, a white front door, and windows with the curtains closed tightly.

I thought to myself: So, this is Elizabeth's house? Since Elizabeth never invited me over, I never got the chance to see what her house is like. It really looks like a family of vampires would live here.

"Well, this is it! I hope to see you again, tomorrow." Elizabeth wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace. Then she released and headed up to the front walkway. She walked about five feet until she reached the steps, standing up and placing a hand on the knob. But before entering, she waved goodbye to me, and I waved back.

After that, I strolled down to my house, a block away from Elizabeth's. I opened the front door and shut it behind me. My shoes fell off and I placed them beside the entranceway.

"God, today was a weird day!" I sighed, stretching my arms and hearing my joints pop.

I headed upstairs and into my room, placed my backpack on the ground, and threw myself onto the bed. I was tired and wanted to take a quick nap. So I closed my eyes and relaxed.

Crash!

Just then I heard a loud noise coming from outside. I jumped up in shock and then turned to check my alarm clock.

"7:25!" I was asleep for four hours, which meant I had to do my homework quickly before it's too late!

Before I did, I needed to know where that noise originated from.

Stepping outside with a flashlight in hand, I looked around the front porch. But I couldn't see anything that could cause that sound. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye, something dashed out of the brush and into the shadows with lightning speed. I was too slow to shine my flashlight at it, so I couldn't see where it went.

"Hello?! Is anyone out there?!" I probably shouldn't have said that.

I walked over to the bushes, hoping to spot any tracks the thing left behind. Unfortunately, there were none. Then I heard something and shined my light on the right side of the house.

That's when I saw the creature. It was a large, wolf-like creature with gray fur, piercing yellow eyes, and sharp teeth. It possessed human-like appendages, like arms, hands, and I think it had breasts, too. On its hind legs, it stood nearly 8 feet tall.

My jaw nearly dropped to the ground, and I began to tremble in fear.

What the hell is that thing?! Is that a werewolf?! Elizabeth said that there were other monsters living in this town. So it's possible that it could be a werewolf!

I contemplated as beads of sweat started rolling down my forehead.

Suddenly, after seeing me, the creature—werewolf—growled at me and turned away. It leaped up onto my rooftop and jumped across the other rooftops, never to be seen again.

After that ordeal was over, I turned around and went back into my house, but I couldn't scratch the feeling that the wolf will be coming back.

The next day; 8:25AM…

I was in homeroom, sitting in the same desk as before. I was hastily doing my homework, or what was left of it, since I didn't have time to finish it last night.

Up on the board, Ms. Hatsugawa was busy writing down today's schedule, as well as a reminder to turn in the class's written signatures from their teachers.

In the middle of writing, she suddenly dropped a piece of the chalk onto the floor.

"Oop!" she exclaimed. We all turned our attention to her. "I'm so sorry. Continue what you were doing, class. Just ignore me!" She bent down, trying to pick up the chalk piece.

As she did so, she was unaware that her panties were showing, even though she was wearing pantyhose. You could still see her white, beautiful panties… Oh great, now blood is coming out of my nose. I'm not the only one either; some of the other students had the same reaction. Luckily, Miss Hatsugawa managed to retrieve the chalk a few seconds later. She leaned back up with a victorious smile on her face.

"Ah, finally. I got it. Now, to put this whole circumstance behind me!" she said to herself. Before she wrote more on the board, she turned and noticed some of the male students smiling with flush faces and blood coming from their noses.

We couldn't help but give her a thumbs up and spoke in a drunkard tone, "Thanks for the meal!"

Although she was obliviously confused, she just nervously smiled and waved at us. Then, she turned around and resumed writing.

The male students and I started receiving negative looks from our female classmates. They had "Die pervert!" written all over them.

Elizabeth, however, had a different expression altogether. She was looking at me with a smile on her face, but there was a dark aura emanating from her. Shivers went up my spine when I stared at her. I just turned around and faced the board.

I guess I'm just going to have to avoid Liz until she calms down.

7 hours later; 3:48PM…

School was already over, yet I was still inside. I was told to stay after school by my art teacher to clean up the classroom. It wasn't even by choice. I mean my teacher picked my name out of a hat. Now I'm stuck cleaning up after the other students.

I would've asked Elizabeth for help, but she's not talking to me. When I tried to talk to her, she just glared at me and pouted with puffed-up cheeks.

"There we go. Finally finished," I announced to myself. I smiled proudly at the cleaned classroom. After putting the broom back into its closet, I grabbed my backpack and waltzed out of art class.

Before I walked down the steps of the second floor, I saw Alexandra Draven, the ganguro girl sitting next to me. She was looking around, as if to make sure that no one was here. Then she began running up the stairs to the roof.

What the hell is she still doing here? Was she in detention, or something? And why is she heading to the roof?

The more I thought about it, the more curious I became. So to satisfy my curiosity, I discreetly followed her up to the rooftop. I stopped at the door and opened it a little to take a peak.

Alexandra was just standing in the center of the roof. Nothing was happening at all.

Little did I know, that was hardly the case.

20-seconds-later, her body started contorting and growing, to the point that her clothes ripped into pieces. Her mouth began to grow into a snout and her teeth becoming sharp and pointy. Her eyes became yellow and her ears pointed upward. Her fingernails became claws and hair began growing all over her body.

I couldn't believe it; Alexandra was a werewolf!

And not just any werewolf; with one look, I recognize her as the one from before…the one that appeared at my house!

I gasped, but quickly covered my mouth. I closed the door quickly and quietly, trying not to alert her of my presence. I took a deep sigh, feeling relieved that Alexandra didn't noticed me.

Crash!

Alexandra's clawed fingers tore right through the door. She grabbed onto the steel and yanked it, throwing the door behind her.

"I don't know who you are, but anyone who's seen my true form must die!" she roared angrily. Her growling exposed her sharp teeth.

Her eyes widened as she looked down at me.

"You! You're Haru, the guy who's been sitting next to me at homeroom! Well now, you're going to be in the morgue when I'm done with you!"

Scared out of my wits, I could only crawl away from Alexandra. Sweat dripped down my forehead as I heard her every step toward me.

"No one is supposed to know my true form, humans or demi-humans! And that's why I'm going to keep you from telling anyone!" She lifted her arm, ready to strike.

I thought this was going to be the end of my life.

However, something inside me sparked. I dodged her attack somehow and dashed down the stairs. When I looked back, I saw Alexandra leaping off the stairs. She ricocheted onto the walls and chased me to the second floor.

This was going to take a while before I could lose her.


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Wed Feb 10, 2016 4:15 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here for a review on this.

So, I think the idea you have here is pretty interesting. My favorite thing about it is that the existence of these demi-humans isn't actually a secret - everyone in the town knows about it. I like this because it's different, and because all too often it doesn't make sense that whatever hidden community would be able to stay hidden.

A few general tips - use fewer "!?" They make your writing seem more juvenile and melodramatic. A good rule of thumb is no more than 1-2 exclamation points per page. Also, remember that every line of dialogue needs to be in a new paragraph. It makes it easier to read - right now your paragraphs are way too long. Finally, you tend to use semicolons a bit too freely. There's also a couple of random typos that can be fixed with a quick read-through.

On to the bigger things. The main problem I saw with this was that your dialogue was really stilted. These are teenagers, but they don't talk like teenagers. Try to mimic the speaking patterns of teenagers, and don't try to use "big" words just for the sake of using them. In order to tell if your dialogue is stilted or sounds awkward, try reading the piece out loud. You will be able to tell where it sounds weird.

Finally, there is no need to do the "15 minutes later" thing or specify the exact time. Just have a simple scene break. For the "15 minutes" one, it felt like the scene ended too abruptly. Try showing more of that scene.

I hope this helped! Good luck with this, and keep writing!




kman134 says...


yeah, i can take the grammar suggestions, but the dialogue is just what i wanted it to be; despite popular ideas, not all teenagers talk like how you think, using "Yolo" and "junk", and sounding like idiots. Some teenagers actually do talk like that, and some don't; i'm twenty years old and i've ben around teens who talk like that.

Besides, by not making them talk like stereotypical teenagers, it gives my characters a sense of personality and since i'm following it by anime rules, i'm giving the story a sense of realism.



Mea says...


I get what you mean, and I agree with you. Believe me, that's not what I was trying to say. Stereotypical teenagers are annoying.

It's not that they don't talk like stereotypical teenagers, it's that they sometimes don't talk like anybody who speaks native English. And it's not the entire piece - some of it's fine. But there are other parts, like the very beginning, where their dialogue is stiff and sounds weird if you read it out loud. That's what I was recommending fixing. Sorry for the confusion.



Mea says...


I get what you mean, and I agree with you. Believe me, that's not what I was trying to say. Stereotypical teenagers are annoying.

It's not that they don't talk like stereotypical teenagers, it's that they sometimes don't talk like anybody who speaks native English. And it's not the entire piece - some of it's fine. But there are other parts, like the very beginning, where their dialogue is stiff and sounds weird if you read it out loud. That's what I was recommending fixing. Sorry for the confusion.



Mea says...


I get what you mean, and I agree with you. Believe me, that's not what I was trying to say. Stereotypical teenagers are annoying.

It's not that they don't talk like stereotypical teenagers, it's that they sometimes don't talk like anybody who speaks native English. And it's not the entire piece - some of it's fine. But there are other parts, like the very beginning, where their dialogue is stiff and sounds weird if you read it out loud. That's what I was recommending fixing. Sorry for the confusion.



kman134 says...


well, the purpose was to make the dialogue sound more "animesque" since much of the story was inspired by various harem anime that i watched over the years; also, i admit, there are parts that sound weird, mainly because i didn't pay attention to the grammar.



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Sun Nov 29, 2015 11:39 pm
backroadstraveler wrote a review...



backroads here again!

Loving the progression of the story, you have a great knack for characterization, and (assuming Haru is fine after this) I can't wait to see what is going on with ALexandra!

I only noticed a few things, but firstly, I don't like how you lapse into a second-person point o view. I don't like to be addressed as a reader, and am not a fan of using 'you,' especially if it's not a constant thread throughout the story.

Also, one key thing that struck me was that Haru got over Elizabeth's vampire status rather fast. Does Elizabeth have an actual bewitching trick on people, or does he really love her that much? Either way, it surprises me that he actually has a stomach for lunch. I would elaborate a little more on what's going on inside of his head in that scene.

Lastly, you have atendency to say 'beads of sweat' a lot, both in this chapter and you previous work. I would change up some of your phrasing, and add a bit of variation to it- there are other ways to convey Haru's nerves.

That's all I really noticed in this part! I think you're doing a great job of slowly constructing your world!

Hope some of this was helpful!
-backroadstraveler




kman134 says...


well, they are childhood friends and Haru is an understanding person, so,d despite being a vampire, he knows Elizabeth wouldn't hurt him.



kman134 says...


Also, the "sweat beads" thing was suppose to amplify the anime feel to the story, but i can see that using it too much would get irritating.

Forget to mention, Vampires don't possess the stereotypical powers they would have in other books; in this story, vampires would have a more realistic concept, such as that they are not harmed by garlic, crosses, stakes, and holy water, they have reflections, and can enter a house if they want to without peoples' permission, but some will still ask so not to be rude.





I think part of it is just that I don't feel like I know Haru yet, but what you say makes sense.

Yeah, everyone has a different take on vampires, so I try to keep an open mind and process as I go when reading. The only thing that really made me think 'bewitching' was a possibility was the bit on when the guy gave up his seat for Liz. That coupled with what I initially considered an odd response on Haru's part led to the idea.



kman134 says...


that or guy thought Elizabeth was "hot" and couldn't say no to a pretty girl; i'm a guy, so i know we can't say no to beautiful girls.




Hearing these stories makes me realize that I never did anything with my childhood.
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