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Who am I?

by keeperofgaming


Why am I?

Why do I cry?

Who sees me?

Who cries through the night.

_

What am I?

What do I see?

Why do I think this?

Why this darkness is in sight.

_

Where am I?

Where is my comfort?

What is my mind.

What my cries merely hint to.

_

Who am I?

Who is speaking?

Where does he come from?

Where my reprise is.

_

Why do I cry?

What do I think?

Where can I hide?

Who am I?


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77 Reviews

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Reviews: 77

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Mon Apr 15, 2024 3:38 am
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SofieR wrote a review...



Hey there! Sofie here with a review -


I really enjoyed this one. It's a very simple poem, yet the emotion definitely comes through. I think it's so interesting and cool how almost every line is a question. True to like, sometimes there are no answers - only questions. I think the themes are very relatable to everybody at one time or another. Good job!




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Points: 200
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Fri Apr 12, 2024 9:32 pm
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tabitha20 says...



nice writting keep it up




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47 Reviews

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Reviews: 47

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Fri Apr 12, 2024 5:39 am
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rida wrote a review...



Hi keeper! Rida here for a review!

I think your poem is really imaginative and interesting, and I loved some parts of it- like the repetition, the rhetorical questions etc. However, I think the current structure of the poem doesn’t quite do justice to the emotions and idea behind the piece. A few notable points that could perhaps be improved are:-

Structure:

I feel like the structure comes across a little tedious right now. While I understand the importance of the repetition and rhetorical questions, when you keep repeating the same thing with little change it becomes a bit boring for the reader. The reader might lose interest quickly! I recommend using imagery and visuals to keep changing the structure.

Imagery:
Imagery is basically poetic visuals. You use words to paint scenarios, using similes, metaphors or just about any descriptions. For instance:
“The sun is a shining pendant on the sky’s neck”
You see how interesting this sentence is? It immediately brings an image to the reader’s mind. Imagery helps the reader imagine the backdrop/scenarios in the poem and lets the reader visualise the poem. I recommend using imagery to create a scene and backdrop for this piece!

I’d like to add that this is merely my opinion on the work. Poetry is very subjective, and what one person may like may not necessarily be the same for another. At the end of the day, this is your poem- so change what you want, ignore what you’d like. Maintain the integrity and originality of the poem, and most importantly- keep writing!

Let me know if you have any questions!

Yours truly,
Rida




keeperofgaming says...


The idea I was trying to portray is basically someone going in circles trying to explain to themselves who they are.



rida says...


Hi! Okay, the going-in-circles thing is REALLY clever I love it! What I feel, though, is that the poem can%u2019t really grab the readers attention and that%u2019s sort of pulling away from the deep emotions of the poem. I%u2019m really sorry if I offended you, that wasn%u2019t my intention! I loved the poem and wanted it to shine as bright as it can!



keeperofgaming says...


I know, that's why I clarified since poetry is in the eye of the beholder.




How can I be king of the world? Because I am king of rubbish. And rubbish is what the world is made of.
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane