z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

The Eighth Sibling

by keeperofgaming


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

For Raven's story. The Forsaken Race

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In the depths of deception, a queen lies in wait.

A servant, a fiend so fearsome in silence.

A servant that hides in the violence

For this queen for her, is bait.

Her will never fails.

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As the fury of her siblings roar,

Her power fights against the fire.

She fights for truth and learns the ire,

of her siblings battle and the brutal war.

Her loyalty to her siblings will never quail.

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As her queen fights and hunts the family with fear,

She learns of the hidden truth and peace.

She speaks to teach and increase,

the fight to listen and hear.

For her siblings won't fail.

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She stands and decides,

Her siblings must not die.

She speaks vile words to cry.

Her siblings will face darkening tides.

As their fury lights up and sets a dark sail.

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Their fury unfailing,

Their story unfolding.

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Points: 170
Reviews: 4

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Thu Apr 11, 2024 1:37 am
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PBandM wrote a review...



I must say, your poem is truly captivating. The imagery you use to describe the queen lying in wait and the fearsome servant hiding in the violence is so vivid and powerful. The theme of loyalty and the internal struggle within the family adds depth and intrigue to the story.

I love how you explore the idea of truth and peace amidst the chaos of battle. The way the protagonist learns the hidden truth and strives to teach and increase understanding is inspiring. It shows a strong sense of compassion and a desire for unity.

The ending lines, "Their fury unfailing, their story unfolding," leave the reader wanting more. It's a great way to build anticipation and curiosity, making us eager to know what happens next.

Overall, your poem is beautifully written and thought-provoking. You have a talent for creating vivid imagery and weaving a compelling narrative. Keep writing and exploring these themes, as your poetic voice is truly captivating. Well done!




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235 Reviews

Points: 41492
Reviews: 235

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Tue Apr 09, 2024 4:03 pm
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RavenAkuma says...



Ah, oh my gosh! I'm so flattered you wrote a poem about my story, and it's so good!! You're really good with poetry!

You really nailed the theme of the story, and this ending:

Their fury unfailing,

Their story unfolding.


Goosebumps! Such a good line!

Thank you for writing this, and great work! :D






Thank you, I had fun writing it.




For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle ... anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
— Aristotle