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16+ Violence

The Kind Boy

by keeperofgaming

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

The voice of a shadowy fiend.

It's voice is so kind.

Great is what I've seen.

So, why do I cry?


The goodness I portray.

I have seen the shadows of the mind.

My darkness I will betray,

as I look to the sky.


The Shadow returns.

I can not hide.

My stomach keeps with it's churns,

as the darkness does not shy.


I look to the earth.

The blade in my side.

A pain not felt since birth.

Why now, after all, must I die?

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17 Reviews

Points: 10
Reviews: 17

Thu Apr 11, 2024 3:59 pm
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yourlocalsatanist wrote a review...

One of the strengths of this piece lies in its ability to evoke deep emotions through its imagery and language. The use of metaphors, such as "the blade in my side," effectively conveys the intensity of the protagonist's pain and inner conflict. Additionally, the repetition of certain phrases, like "why now, after all, must I die?" adds a haunting rhythm that enhances the overall impact of the poem.

Furthermore, the theme of redemption and self-discovery shines through, offering a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness. The portrayal of the protagonist's struggle to overcome their inner demons is both relatable and thought-provoking, inviting readers to reflect on their own battles with the shadows within.

However, while the poem succeeds in capturing the essence of internal conflict, there is potential for further exploration of resolution or closure. Providing a clearer resolution or insight into the protagonist's journey towards self-acceptance could further enhance the depth and impact of the piece.

Overall, "Voice of the Shadowy Fiend" is a poignant exploration of the complexities of the human psyche, masterfully crafted through evocative language and imagery. With a deeper exploration of resolution, this piece has the potential to resonate even more profoundly with readers.

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7 Reviews

Points: 172
Reviews: 7

Thu Apr 11, 2024 1:33 am
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PBandM wrote a review...

First of all, I want to commend you on the depth and emotion in your writing. It's clear that you have put a lot of thought and feeling into your story. The way you describe the voice of the shadowy fiend as kind and the contrast with your own feelings of sadness is really intriguing. It creates a sense of mystery and tension that draws the reader in.

I also appreciate the exploration of duality in your story. The idea of betraying your darkness and looking to the sky for answers adds an interesting layer to the narrative. It's a powerful concept to contemplate, and it leaves the reader wondering about the choices and struggles faced by the protagonist.

Additionally, the imagery you use throughout the story is vivid and evocative. The returning shadow, the pain felt in the stomach, and the blade in the side all contribute to the overall atmosphere and help to create a strong emotional impact.

Overall, your writing shows great potential. You have a knack for creating a sense of atmosphere and emotion, and your storytelling skills are evident. Keep exploring these themes and experimenting with different writing styles. I believe you have a unique voice that will continue to develop and captivate readers. Well done!

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110 Reviews

Points: 83
Reviews: 110

Wed Apr 10, 2024 8:34 pm
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illy7896 wrote a review...

First of all I love the mystery that surrounds this poem as it conveys the duplicity of human nature, which I always love exploring. The use of juxtaposition with “goodness” and “darkness” and those themes are really well used, as they imply a deception in not only the narrator’ murderer, but the murderer itself.

I love the use of a rhetorical question in the first and final stanza, since it adds a sort of cyclical and undetermined essence of the story, and a sorrowful tone since it’s as if the narrator is imploring the universe of why do they feel this pain and why do they feel this great sorrow, which is quite existential in itself and very powerful.

I think this poem is a beautiful message on the internal conflict of people, that is the cause of most pain and suffering. It has a simple and straightforward structure which I think perfectly conveys your intention. I love your use of a capital letter for “Shadow”, since I believe that it reflects on how the narrator’s enemy, which is intangible and unidentifiable in the real world, is very really to them, despite only being a “Shadow”. I again view this to be about internal pain, and how the challenges faced by a person may be delusional or insignificant to some, but inflict a lot of grief on the person.

This poem reminds me a lot of Macbeth, and the toils of man and the undefinable nature of humanity. I have no complaints and think it’s very good!

keeperofgaming says...

Not gonna lie, I was not thinking Macbeth, though it may have been because I wrote it in english class right after reading part of Macbeth.

illy7896 says...

Yeah that could be why, I mean I feel like after studying it at school I see the play in almost everything I read lmao

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31 Reviews

Points: 1286
Reviews: 31

Wed Apr 10, 2024 5:42 pm
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KaavyaK wrote a review...

This poem is very well written by the author.

I really love the way how you expressed your thoughts and emotions.
To be honest it felt more like a ballad to me.

"The Shadow returns.
I can not hide.
My stomach keeps with it's churns,
as the darkness does not shy."

This paragraph amazing, the way the author used each and every word in this paragraph made this paragraph very effective.

Nice work done by the author.
Keep on writing more poems and do share them with us.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.

keeperofgaming says...

Thank you

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17 Reviews

Points: 769
Reviews: 17

Wed Apr 10, 2024 4:14 pm
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angelinamar wrote a review...

Hello friend! I just wanted to say that I really liked your poem. But I also wanted to let you know that you did inspire me to re-write a piece with your poem. Don't worry I won't publish it or take credit! I just wanted you to read it and let me know your thoughts, as a matter of a fact you can even take it and publish it. I don't mind. But here it is:

The voice of a shadowy fiend is one that haunts my dreams and fills me with fear. Its words are like a sweet poison, luring me in with promises of greatness and happiness. But deep down, I know that its intentions are far from kind.

I have seen the destruction and chaos that this fiend has caused, yet its voice remains so alluring. It speaks of power and control, tempting me to give in to its dark desires. But I know that succumbing to its voice would only lead to my downfall.

So why do I cry? Why do I feel such sadness and despair when faced with the voice of this fiend? Perhaps it is because I know that deep down, I am capable of the same darkness that it embodies. I have seen the shadows of my own mind, and I fear that I may one day become just like this fiend.

But I refuse to let that happen. I will not let the darkness consume me. I will fight against it, even as the fiend's voice grows louder and more persuasive. I will not betray the goodness that I have worked so hard to portray.

But as I look to the sky, I can feel the shadow returning. It creeps up on me, enveloping me in its darkness. I can no longer hide from it, no matter how hard I try. My stomach churns with fear and my heart races with dread.

I look to the earth, hoping to find some solace, but all I see is the blade in my side. The pain is excruciating, but it is not physical. It is the pain of knowing that I am losing the battle against the shadowy fiend.

And as I take my last breath, I wonder why this had to happen. Why did I have to die at the hands of this fiend? But then I realize that it was not the fiend that killed me, it was my own weakness and fear. I should have fought harder, I should have resisted its voice.

But it is too late now. The voice of the shadowy fiend will continue to haunt me, even in death. Its words will echo in my mind, a constant reminder of the darkness that I could not escape.

So to those who still have a chance to resist the voice of the shadowy fiend, I urge you to stay strong. Do not let its kind words deceive you, for its intentions are far from kind. Do not let it consume you, for once it takes hold, it is nearly impossible to break free. And most importantly, do not let it silence your own voice, for that is the only way to truly defeat the darkness within.

Thank you for this read. Truly well written.

Your friend, Angelina😁

keeperofgaming says...

Thanks and that was good.

— Nate