The Flyers and Runners

Hey,

Wow! Interesting choice of format layout for your poem with all those dots (fullstops?) between paragraphs. Different but ..its a good different.

Pretty impressive with chose of words you got structured there.
Not that bad but so so good!
There was a mix of ideas you have all summed up in your last lines.
You got me repeating lines just to relate and repeating over again which is good because you got me curious to keep understanding. Once I did catch the idea I felt consumed.

Good work of art you got there mate!
Cheers!

Hello!
Let me first congratulate you on this amazing poem!
I liked every single line!
The first thing I noticed and I really liked about your poem were the simple and run-on lines.
I think using them correctly is a craft and you pulled that off really good. Great job!
The rhyme pattern also caught my eye because I am really fond of rhymes. It makes the poem catchy.
The last part stood out for me. That awakened me in a way.
My feelings while reading it were mixed but mostly it felt like we shared a destiny.
I connected to your poem.
Keep writing and all the best!
Andrijana.

Dear jumpingsheep, I must say this is a very interesting poem. I am not surewhat form you are trying to take here, is this a free verse, or a regular rhyming poem? However, I am very fond of your poem. Your poem has kind of struck a chord with me. Your poem means to me that some people have a darkness inside, and that many people have it too. Some people, those who have walked the darker paths of life, those whose souls have aged from the pain and the suffering, those people know this darkness and can see it in others. They have learned to hide the bitterness caused by pain, in order to prevent it from swallowing them. Others, who have less experiance in sorrow and fear, do not even know this darkness exists, and they embrace it, thinking it brings freedom. The darkness whispers that they are being oppressed, that people are trying to control them, and the people lash out in acts of rebellion on those the darkness says to. You and your friends have found a balance, you know that something is trying to get you to isolate yourself, trying to get you under its control, but you can't recognize it yet... Sorry if my definition doesn't make much sense, but this is how I view your poem.

Hello!
Since you seemed interested in what this poem meant to others, I'll tell you what it meant to me. To me, this poem is talking about those who are more "awake" than others. In terms of seeing the world how it really is. And it also seems like it's saying those people are able to seek each other out. But I'm pretty sure that's not what it's actually about. That's just what it meant to me.

So, I'm here to help you improve.

You have some really nice wordings here that hit me pretty strong. Particularly, I like the line that goes "We're so light, so joyful, so dark inside." And I also kind of like the last stanza.
This is actually strange for me to be saying, because there are what I would normally consider cliches in those two examples, but I liked the rhythm you gave them with. And not like actually syllabled rhythms, but more like it felt natural and right for those things to be said, and that's a pretty unique occurrence I find.
Much of the rest of this is cliche though, and it doesn't have the nice natural rhythm for me to forgive it.

I think a lot of my dissatisfaction comes from three main things:
1. Cliches, which I have already touched on.

2. Vagueness. Sometimes vagueness is good, sometimes it is bad. Here it is not fantastic and I think it would be better if you had less of it. It's not the worst I've ever seen though.

3. Forced rhymes and awkward wordings. When people rhyme, they have to make words fit together so that they do rhyme. English is not a good language for rhyming. there's not a lot of words that one can rhyme and have the lines be seamless. This leads to a a lot of awkwardness in the wordings of these lines, and makes one's poems look unprofessional etc. I mostly discourage rhyming unless one can do it so the poem is not awkward. It can be done, it's just really really hard. Harder than just rhyming two words and stitching the lines around them to fit.
You also don't have a consistent rhyme scheme. This is another thing of importance when dealing with rhyme. Consistency again makes a poem look professional etc.
I suggest you abandon rhyme all-together and see what you can make of this poem. Add more imagery! Concrete imagery, mind you. You can take this opportunity to be less vague! It will be fantastic, I just know it.

You've got something really good going on here. You will only improve and improve, I'm sure of it!
I hope this review helps; let me know if you have any questions!
Keep writing!
~fortis