I Really Don't Need a Tardis

by jumpingsheep

Published September 10, 2015

E - Everyone

In Other Random Works

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I really don't need a Tardis

To show up on my back porch.

If I had a single match,

The police box is the first thing I would Torch.

.

Would I really want a pet dragon?

It doesn't take a sleuth,

To know that I'd kick out the dragon

The minute I saw the gleam of a finely sharpened Tooth.

.

Less mystery is needed in my life, I think.

And you know that I would kill,

To run from the tales of Joseph Fink

Run from Deanmons, spirits, and our friend Bill.

.

Cipher this, cipher that, on all these detective-y shows.

And we have years until Season 4, which really, really blo--

.

Oh but wait!

.

All these giant universes aren't my cup of tea.

We could travel all the way to Vulcan, I guess that's pretty far.

But I want a galaxy

Where I could be the Star.

.

Wars, wars, that's how all these dystopias start.

And it's usually over something stupid, like a cataclysmic fart.

I'm not living in a place with factions, mazes, or anything that will bite.

'Cause once the Games start, I'll be dead on that first Night.

.

Lock all your doors,

Keep these fandoms out!

"They'll ruin your lives!"

I scream and shout.

.

But I know none of you will heed my warnings,

So you best say a prayer.

Because these fandoms are so fragile,

I'll topple them with select words, if I so dare...

.

Einey, meeny, miney, you!

Half the Internet worships something blue.

And you know what?

.

"Rose Tyler, I..."

Comments & reviews · 8
User avatar
ThePhoenix
Review
ThePhoenix wrote a review Review · Sep 27, 2015

I thought that I should really improve on reviewing poetry so... here I am!
Back again. Also, don't mess with the fandoms. They will destroy you...
(Insert evil laugh here).

So anyway, your poem is obviously meant to be humorous by destroying fandoms (kinda). But I don't really get most of the references. I only get Doctor Who and the Hunger Games. I think there might be a Sherlock reference but I'm not sure. Maybe Supernatural as well.


So anyway.

To know that I'd kick out the dragon

The minute I saw the gleam of a finely sharpened Tooth.


I dunno, the last line seems to have too many syllables... You probably shouldn't listen to my advice.


Cipher this, cipher that, on all these detective-y shows.

And we have years until Season 4, which really, really blo--


Um, probably a fandom reference but, why did you cut off the end of the last line? It'd be nice if you could explain.


But anyway, like I said before, this was a great poem. Playing with fandom's hearts and making them suffer. Really nice.
:D

Half the Internet worships something blue.

And you know what?

.

"Rose Tyler, I..."


OH YOU CRUEL PERSON! I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HUMOROUS!
YOU'RE FIRED!
:D
Jk.
No but seriously. The feels.

Happy Writing!

Haha glad you liked it! Thanks for the critiques!

User avatar
ThePhoenix
Comment
ThePhoenix commented Comment · Sep 23, 2015

Well, you couldn't really burn the TARDIS with a match...
You'd need something much more powerful than that. Or turn off its defence system. Then burn it.
BUT DON'T!
:D
Great poem!

Hahaha why thank you!

User avatar
DoubleOJellO Comment
DoubleOJellO commented Comment · Sep 11, 2015

Facebook will be a country
*Dramatic music*
This is good, I like it.
But just don't blink.
Sorry for being weird
lol :D

Why did it repeat 4 times? Sorry for the accidental spam!

User avatar
DoubleOJellO Comment
DoubleOJellO commented Comment · Sep 11, 2015

Facebook will be a country
*Dramatic music*
This is good, I like it.
But just don't blink.
Sorry for being weird
lol :D

User avatar
DoubleOJellO Comment
DoubleOJellO commented Comment · Sep 11, 2015

Facebook will be a country
*Dramatic music*
This is good, I like it.
But just don't blink.
Sorry for being weird
lol :D

User avatar
DoubleOJellO Comment
DoubleOJellO commented Comment · Sep 11, 2015

Facebook will be a country
*Dramatic music*
This is good, I like it.
But just don't blink.
Sorry for being weird
lol :D

User avatar
Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review Review · Sep 10, 2015

I love this poem and hate it at the same time. I am like that little ship (Yes, I typed ship. Obviously I meant sheep, but because this poem is about fandoms I'm just leaving it there) in your avvie that is jumping with excitement. :P

You would never ever burn the TARDIS, that would probably make the universe explode! I have to admit the beginning made me very very very angry. But reading on I understood what you were doing; you were warning people who are not yet lost!
Lock all your doors,
Keep these fandoms out!
"They'll ruin your lives!"
I scream and shout.

I agree one hundred percent, yet I don't really want to keep them out.

Your rhyming was cool, it even sounded similar to Dr Seuss, if you ask me. And it's great that you mentioned heaps of different fandoms. But that last line, WHY? WHY? WHY?

User avatar
PaperNessa
Review
PaperNessa wrote a review Review · Sep 10, 2015

This definitely was interesting. Not many poems are written that effectively convey humor. Overall I liked really liked it but did not get many of the references. The rhythm was effective in creating that "satirical" tone but I was a bit confused especially in this line:

Cipher this, cipher that, on all these detective-y shows.

And we have years until Season 4, which really, really blo--

.

Oh but wait!


which didn't carry the rhyme scheme. Again, with the last stanza, the same thing occurred with an interrupted scheme:

And you know what?

.

"Rose Tyler, I..."


If this was done on purpose as a fandom reference, I am just not getting it. Overall, the structure and content were noteworthy.

It is a fandom reference!
I'll take another look at the rhyme scheme in the first one you mentioned, see if I can fix that. Thanks for the review!



u can't have villains exist just 2 b villains
— ShadowVyper