Monday, November 9th—7:33 AM
Remember how last week I mentioned Alicia has her license? Well, turns out she lives a couple minutes away from me and she offered to drive Matt and me to school! I can now confirm that it was a solid decision allowing Alicia to join us.
We were just driving into school when the radio announcer said “And now, we have some news from inside the Novite regime.”
Alicia glanced over at me in the passenger seat, swished back her blond hair, and turned up the radio.
“An anonymous government worker leaked inside details late last night. According to his sources, Novite militant leaders are being placed in charge of several regions in America. At this time it is unclear exactly who these leaders are and what decisions they will be making, but our team here will keep you covered.”
Raymond laughed after the news finished and Alicia pulled into the school. “Someone’s gonna die,” he laughed, “Cat’s outta the bag.”
“Yeah,” remarked Alicia quietly, “someone is going to die.”
I went to counter Alicia. “You don’t think they would actually execute—”
“They would. Totally would.”
After Alicia parks, we all sat in the car, listening to the rest of the news. The leak has pushed the Novites into the top story, and I’m glad. It’s about time we start talking and possibly even resisting. Although it might already be too late.
12:11 PM
I’m at lunch right now, and I’m still hung up on what they said on the radio this morning. So, there’s a new guy, a Novite military leader, in charge of our region? How big are these regions? And what kind if decisions are these leaders making?
And what about our radio show? This isn’t a crackdown, is it?
Tuesday, November 10th—2:01 PM
I just got out of school and checked the news. We have confirmation on who the leader of our region is.
His name is “Major Toz Vedyo”.
I Googled his name online and there is absolutely nothing about him, besides his connection with the leak. The first mention of him was merely hours ago. It seems that the Novites divided up America into eight regions. We’re in the northeast region, which consists of New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Connecticut, Vermont, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, and Maine. I talked to Lauren about it and she’s likening it up to the Hunger Games districts. “How’re you with a bow and arrow, Olivia?”
Apparently Lauren made a blog post with this comparison and it got decently popular, so she’s telling everyone she sees about it. “Forty-nine reblogs, Olivia, beat that!”
4:32 PM
I’m still trying to find more information on this Toz Vedyo guy. I checked out some ancestry websites and they’re pretty stumped on what nationality his name is, so I’m going to assume that my buddy Toz is a Novite. Although, that would suggest that the Novites are a completely different nationality than we have on Earth. Which would mean that the Novites are aliens. Which is completely wild and probably way off. If I start suggesting that the Novites are aliens, I’ll be just as bad as every other raving lunatic on the streets these days.
Thursday, November 12th—3:33 PM
It’s two days into Toz’s regime and he’s made his first mandate. We have a curfew at ten ’o’clock every night. There weren’t many details on how this curfew will be established, but it sure got everyone riled up and panicked.
5:16 PM
Someone just posted on Facebook “WTF is this curfew thing?! Totally moving to Canada.”
I didn’t have the heart to remind them that Canada and every other major world government is also under Novite command.
Yeah, maybe there won’t be curfews, but I’m sure there are other Novite issues in Canada. Who knows? Toz could be the chillest Novite of them all and the rest could be completely wacked and power-hungry. We could be lucky to have gotten Toz.
Friday, November 13th—12:01 AM
I just realized that the 10:00 PM curfew is going to ensure that we won’t be able to broadcast. The show starts at 10:00.
12:16 AM
I know I need to sleep tomorrow, but I’m still trying to work my way around this curfew. I texted Matt and he suggested that he and Gavin call in or Skype us, maybe prerecord messages, since my parents won’t let guys sleep over. The girls can all stay over my house after the broadcast. I’ll have to lie, though. My parents still don’t know about this whole radio show.
1:03 AM
I can’t sleep. All the stuff that has happened this week has made me tense and paranoid. I know all of this can’t possibly be a result of our broadcasts, but still. What if they come for us? Two more kids from my school were missing the other day.
1:11 AM
Screw this, I’m not sleeping tonight. I’ll go hang out outside or something. Usually I would walk to the park or something, but with the curfew, it might be a good idea to stay in my yard.
1:49 AM
Okay so I’m now hiding back in my room because I either heard what sounded like a firework or a gunshot.
Let’s play the great, all-American pastime: Was That a Firework or a Gunshot?
7:45 AM
Everyone at school is talking today. Apparently there was a driver who shot a Novite official. Someone said the shoot-out happened on their street and the hapless driver had an out-of-state license plate. Whatever region he was from didn’t have a curfew and he didn’t know about our curfew.
When he got pulled over; he shot one and tried to run. I bet anything that was the gunshot I heard last night. We're all a little ticked off, not only did he injure a human Novite official who was just doing what he had been told to do, but he also just put a giant target on this town.
This is the first act of violence I’ve heard about against Novite officials. It’s a bit weird that this is the first only now, and I’m starting to consider the possibility that any other acts of insurgence have been covered up. As a result, people are less likely to act because they feel like they are in the minority. Maybe I’m onto something.
The weird part about this whole event is that the Novite officials are now confirmed to be regular, everyday people. How did these citizens get twisted up in this Novite mess? Why are the police enforcing Novite mandates? Why don’t they just refuse to serve?
Where are the real Novites? The only picture we have is the spacesuit one, remember that? Right now, it’s all humans who are enforcing these new laws. Who is actually in charge right now?
9:15 PM
The girls are all over my house. Matt and Gavin prerecorded messages to play on air. I wanted them to just call us, but Gavin was afraid the call would be traced. Remember the NSA wiretapping?
This is our first broadcast since all the new mandates—the curfew, and Toz Vedyo’s leadership. I’m praying, praying that Gavin was right in that they won’t be able to trace this broadcast.
10:56 PM:
Transcript of Gavin and Matt’s message:
Matt: Hey everyone, we have a special treat for you all tonight!
Gavin: Unfortunately, Matt and I couldn’t stop by the station tonight, because of that darn curfew.
Matt: Here’s a fun song we wrote.
Gavin: One, two, three!
Matt and Gavin: You better watch out,
You better not scheme,
You better not dream
‘bout resisting the regime.
The Novite team is watching you now.
We’re two minutes into the music fill (Daydream Believer, Monkees) and we still cannot stop laughing.
11:21 PM
We had 121 listeners tonight. I kid you not. Where are all these listeners coming from?! I didn’t even know people still had AM radios. We had a full discussion tonight on the guy that shot the official, the curfew, and my man, Toz Vedyo.
I still can’t get over that guy. Is he a Novite or human?
I don’t think the Novites are human.
A/N
What’s up everyone? If you enjoyed this chapter, leave a like, comment or recommend this story to a friend! If you didn’t enjoy it, drop a comment and let me know what I should work on!
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Hey again! Thought I'd try to get a couple of reviews in before Review Day winds up!
There's not all that much that really leapt out at me in this chapter. I liked that the plot's starting to develop and things are starting to happen - now I'm just looking forward to the point where these changes start to really affect the characters, more than just making broadcasting a little trickier.
I think I'd like to see more character interaction. The snippets that you do have are really effective - they talk and act like real teenagers, which is cool, but there's just not enough of it at the moment. I'd really like to see their relationships developed and explored more, even at this early point in the story. That's something that can come from dialogue and conversations, which you don't have all that much of yet. The narration's fab, and is great for the world building and getting to know Olivia, but there just needs to be a little more action (which includes dialogue).
At the moment, it feels like Olivia, and others, jump to pretty extreme conclusions very quickly. In part, this is a pacing thing - a little bit of dwelling isn't always bad, even if you do want to get to the exciting part as soon as possible. There's also an element of "show rather than tell", and although it's something of a cliché piece of advice, I think it's worth considering. Instead of telling us that Olivia looked up Tod, actually show us her doing it, and her reactions as she does so. There are a lot of instances where I think that this would be effective, not only in making it seem more plausible that the characters are making certain assumptions, but also in the overall development of the story as a whole.
Nitpicky question: are you able to tell how many listeners you get on AM radio? Especially considering that they're broadcasting from a caravan, without much fancy equipment. It seemed a bit funny to me, so maybe worth checking out.
That's about all I had to say. You're building suspense very nicely, and you've got me looking forward to the next chapter!
I'll get straight to it:
"We have a curfew at ten ’o’clock every night." You only need an apostrophe after "o" so that's supposed to be "ten o'clock."
The only other thing I have to say is not any punctuation or grammar error. So you know how Olivia texted Matt about their radio thing? Well, honestly, if the Novites are in charge of everything and they are cracking down on everything, then wouldn't they have all of the communication records of the people? So wouldn't that mean that the Novites could find out that the kids are broadcasting a radio that talks bad about them? Just wondering.
Good job, although I didn't really appreciate the cuss word. It seems that your story is picking up steam.
Thank you! I'll fix that punctuation thing, I believe I make the same mistake in later chapters! Just a note, I believe there is a cuss word in chapter 5, so I'll warn you now of it
And a note about the text messaging!
While it is risky for them to communicate electronically, communications are not being monitored that closely-- yet.
Hello again! Onward!
I'm not sure what he means by this. Who's going to die?
That seems like a bit of a jump. There are all sorts of obscure names out there. And I imagine small tribes and stuff wouldn't have their names in a big database, like the Inuit or in deep Africa. Not that that seems any more likely, but aliens is a silly jump from his name alone imo.
Lol!
Well, initially, they were presented as possibly a political group, in which case this speculation is kind of ignoring the fact that maybe they are just supporters of the cause. We seem to have moved on to fully accepting that they are non-human.
Things are really picking up in this chapter. There's excitement, tension, and conflict. New scary mandates, changes to everyday life. This is the kind of thing I was looking for before. With all this stuff happening, it made the chapter fast and engaging. I really do wonder if it's better to start at the disappearing, filter in the backstory, and move us quickly to the haps. I understand the intention is for a slow build-up, but like I've been talking about, you still need to hook your readers and build their trust. I don't think you would lose a lot by moving along more quickly; you could still paint a picture of people being unconcerned and unsuspecting, without a full chapter and a half of slow-paced pondering
At any rate, this installment was exciting! Thanks for sharing and see you next time!
Hey, jumpingsheep! You asked for a review on this, so here I am (sorry about the wait, by the way).
I have read all the chapters in order, and I'm loving the mystery of this novel. I agree with your other readers - this is a great take on science fiction. It will be interesting to see where the story goes from here.... Basically, I'm saying let me know if you want me to keep reviewing your chapters as you post, because I don't mind following your novel.
I think the style of writing stands out and sets your work apart from others for me. It's like a diary format, which doesn't always work, but it is used pretty well here. Even though we're only getting one character's thoughts and point-of-view direactly (Olivia's), the format hasn't stopped me from getting to know the other characters around her. You are a very skilled writer.
I'm wondering why you called your novel "Lone Voice Radio"... there are four of them doing the show. I suppose the show is the one voice questioning these mysterious Novites. Also, if that's the title (I'm assuming that it is), then the order you have written the chapter heading in may not make sense to some readers. Most people instinctively put the novel name first, then the chapter details.
I see no grammatical or spelling errors, but one suggestion I would like to put forward to you is taking out the bolded bits in all the chapters. Replace the bolded text with italics, and you will achieve the same effect. It's not natural to read bolded text in a novel.... Think about it, when have you read a book with bolded wording in the main body of text? I haven't come across one yet. Obviously, this is totally up to you, so you can take or leave this advice.
I know this review is pretty short, but I've said what I wanted to say. I hope this helped. PM me if you have any questions.
See you next chapter, maybe?
~Bella~
Hey
Totally enjoyed the chapter and well... that definitely escalated. I'm a tad bit paranoid right now about the whole circumstance. But, seriously... Are Novites human or alien? this is going to drive me crazy tonight.
Yes, great work and writing and I'm totally digging the mystery and the political controversy setup. Keep writing this please... because, now I really want to know about the Novites.
Thank you for the reviews shaon! Glad you are enjoying this story!
Seriously, please do not thank me. The story that you've written so far is great and please continue writing it.