Published October 10, 2015
Hello my name is Jay.
I am writing a poem today.
Tomorrow I'll say
"oh now that's just grey" with an awful feel in my gut.
"I hate writing that, and i think it's worth naught"
The next day, I'll wander out,
Happy as a clam,
and then I'll go back again.
My feelings flip and flop.
It isn't that there's something wrong,
it isn't that I'm blue,
It's just that every time I look at you
I find myself staring through.
Not because I don't like you
not because I do.
But that's how I feel that you see me
whenever you walk by.
And though I'm not sad
I'm not even mad
I'm just woefully confused.
And you can tell I'm not mad
and tell I'm not sad
'cause I just wrote a poem for you.
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,335 Reviews
Ok, you reviewed my poem so I will review yours back.
So in the sentence:
"oh now that's just grey" with an awful feel in my gut.
You forgot to capitalize the "O".
And it doesn't make any sense, like your reviewer down below said.
You also forgot to capitalize some the other words like "I" and stuff like that.
Anyway, THINK OF A TITLE. The title wouldn't attract anyone to read it, I only came because of the author.
Anyway, writing good.
I like you poem, but I believe there was a typo in the title. It should be spelled L-O-S-E-R-S, not loosers. I don't quite understand the line
"oh now that's just grey" with an awful feel in my gut. I think you may want to make it more clear about what that is supposed to mean. Besides that, it was a really good poem, good job!
Ihanks, especially for the title change. I think I fixed them.