How do you forget,
those dumb mistakes you've made?
How do you let them go
to fly away in the wind?
How do you forget,
that one time in second grade
when you did that thing
and you said that stuff
and it left you in a slump?
Now time heals all
as most people know,
but not if you remind yourself daily.
You took the problem,
seeming bright,
though terrible it felt,
you covered it with a grin.
And people,
seeing sink or swim,
thought they saw you swim.
And then you go to ask someone
but they don't tell you straight.
They laugh with you
about that time
you made that dumb mistake.
You laugh with them,
on the outside,
but inside you think
of all the things you could have done
and how life could have been.
And then time passes
and you feel fine
the regret is surely gone.
And there goes another mistake.
Bang your head against a wall.
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140,081 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Tigerlilly here to review!
I can really relate to this piece! I have often turned over stupid mistakes in my mind and just thinking about all the things I could have done instead, and even trying to lessen my mistakes. I really like the flow of the poem and the way its structured. As for nitpicking, I'm sorry I can't help you much with that, because I think its already just fine how it is!
Anyways, cool message, well written, awesome work! Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your works!
Thanks, the compliment is appreciated
Congrats on getting in the Literary Spotlight!
thanks, i was trying to get people to like it, but that didn't work
dont' make people like stuff cause then they wouldn't like it
yea, i figured that out. XD
Hello!
I can really relate to this poem. I have felt the same way, turning a mistake I've made over and over in my mind. Sometimes, when I think about it too much, and I'm lost in thought, I make a noise or do an action to get it out of my head. The least embarrassing of these is snapping my fingers. And then again, sometimes, I say, "meow." Which leads to another embarrassing incident.
But I digress.
You have a nice rhythm going here. It feels quite natural and allows the poem to move along in its own time. Normally, I would say that it lacks specific examples, but here it is appropriate to be vague, as the narrator is talking about things they don't want to talk about.
I think you made a typo-- "and it left you in a slum?" Is a little strange. I think you meant slump. Unless you meant the bad part of town. In that case, have at it! But I think slump makes more sense here.
Altogether, this was an enjoyable read. I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!
thanks
Hello!!! Ashkitten here for a review.
These are questions so they should end in a question mark.
That's also a question, and needs a question mark instead of a period.
That line just doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. Since you aren't using any particular rhyme scheme, I'd change it to,
Although it felt terrible,
I don't quite know what you meant there, did you mean people saying sink or swim?
Great, love it. Wouldn't change a thing.
Comma after outside.
I'd also put a comma after done, and add the line and how life could have been with it because it's not a full sentence on its own.
Loved the ending. It's so true how we are always trying to avoid mistakes as we are reflecting on our past mistakes, and then we don't realize but even then we are still making mistakes. I loved it and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
I meant people thinking with a sink or swim mindset. You pass or you fail. You get up or you dont.
also, thanks for the review.
You are very welcome.
dont mind this comment, just testing something.
did it
Hello Tuesday here for a review. i like to begin that this poem could be related to many readers out there that read this since we all encounter problems and without these problems, we couldn't move anywhere in life. I enjoyed how the tone of this is regretful since the more mistakes you creates, the more times you wanna smack you head against a wall. Also how the person is being bullied (in a sense) since in the middle of this, he laughs with them at what the mistake he has done.
I would suggest putting a comma after forgot since the reader would pause and continue reader (if that makes sense). Most poems that I have read, don't have punctuation and maybe that is what you were going for with this poem, i was just suggesting.Nitpick(s):
Throughout this poem, there are some vague uses of adjectives but some of these vague adjectives are used correctly. I would suggest using fuller adjectives to describe how this person is feeling in this poem since -dumb could be changed into a synonym of -dumb or you could just leave it as it is.
Also throughout this poem, I would suggest adding punctuation since that gives the reader the notice when to take a breathe or to pause and read on. For example:
i feel like this stanza is needs an answer to my question; why kind of stuff did this person say at 2nd grade? If you put an adjective before -stuff, it would make the reader know what you mean by "stuff" (since stuff could mean literally anything).
for this stanza, i would suggest changing the whole thing to To that, you were filled with pain or something similar or you could put a comma before -you. and it left you, full of pain
Overall, i would say that this is a fairly nice poem with some uses of alliteration throughout this poem which is feel fine and most poems cannot do that feat well of putting alliteration in their poems. Also the tone of this poem could relate to the readers who would wonder their eyes over this plus if you change those few mistakes, I would say this will even better from what it is already.
Farewell,
Tuesday
i thought i couldn't have commas in poems. thanks
(i lost the spots i was gonna put the commas and the mood is gone. Danget. Thanks though.
Wow, I really liked it!
There is not much I would change about this poem, if I would change anything at all!
This brings be back, back to all those times when I did or said something that made me feel bad. Back to all those times when I thought that my world crumbled on top of me and it was all my fault. Back to when I thought that people actually lingered on the things I might have done wrong.
And, even now, when deep down I know that people usually forget the petty things, I pause to think about what I am about to say next, even for the little stuff.
Thanks for making me think about things like this again.
Keep it up!