Here I am thinking I was a fold in your brain
a memory unforgivingly retained
a face inked to your irisis
every look my way a reflection of pain
Because it doesn't happen to me often
the feeling of curiosity
craving to know someone
the things others don't get to see
I love knowing the hallways of someone's heart
barriers and blockades broken down for me
Here I am thinking you craved me
to know my brain, my train of thought, the thoughts no one gets to see
wondering about my wonders as the day breaks
Here I am feeling your eyes only moved with me,
not the other hand you secretly held
Here I am thinking I was finally chosen
yearned for, even known!
But as I was here, my face to the sun waiting
you carried the moon behind you, painting a picture of you and her
I never knew
Made from invisible ink and Sharpie and glue
because however secret, your lies were permanent and true
Here I am
I hope you never forget the girl, who never forgave you
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This poem describes the fine line that exists between feeling loved and feeling rejected. That feeling of belonging that is followed by a deep abyss of a feeling, false of course, of insignificance. It's incredible to observe the power that a word and gestures of affection have over us, just as it's incredible to feel loved. And it's terrible to think that the people we love most are often the ones we hate the most.
I really felt this poem. The way you used `“Here I am”` as an anchor in every stanza made it feel like a confession that keeps coming back, even when you don’t want it to. It gave the whole piece this aching, persistent voice that I couldn’t stop reading.
I loved the imagery — `“a memory unforgivingly retained”` and `“a face inked to your irisis”` are so strong. It shows how someone can stay stuck in your head even when they don’t deserve to be there anymore. And `“I love knowing the hallways of someone’s heart”` is such a beautiful line. It perfectly captures that craving to be let in, to know someone deeper than anyone else does.
The turn in the middle hit me hard. `“Here I am thinking I was finally chosen / yearned for, even known!”` to then `“you carried the moon behind you, painting a picture of you and her”` — that shift from hope to heartbreak was done so well. I felt the disappointment with you. The line `“Made from invisible ink and Sharpie and glue / because however secret, your lies were permanent and true”` is devastating in the best way. It shows how lies don’t disappear just because they were hidden.
My only tiny suggestion: maybe break the longer lines a bit more for rhythm? Like `“to know my brain, my train of thought, / the thoughts no one gets to see”` — but honestly the current flow also works and feels breathless, which fits the emotion.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s raw and vulnerable and it reminded me that being forgotten by someone hurts, but being remembered on your own terms is power. `“I hope you never forget the girl, who never—”` that ending leaves me thinking.
I assume this poem is about the sorrow and fury about a girl who was led on by her crush, who was actually in a relationship with another girl already. It must have been hard for the speaker in this poem to accept that her crush didn't care for her as much as she thought. The use of the word "Sharpie" really does highlight how much the unfaithful lover's words have permanently affected the girl, even though they were insincere words. I think it might be good if you include another line or two focusing on the girl's immediate emotional reaction when she learns that she was being deceived, though this poem is also good the way it is now. Nice work!
Hi! I really loved this poem.
Ugh, this is just such a good way to describe the feeling of thinking you meant more to someone than you do. I love the imagery of this.
My favourite aspect is all the mentions of body parts: the brain, the iris, the heart; it made it feel much more personal. I think you could have leaned into that more, perhaps using medical terms - when you said something about the heart and blockages, I was thinking of a heart attack, and how using medical terms to describe the feeling of unrequited love and betrayal might make it even more visceral than you've already portrayed it.
I also really like the contrast between the "sun" and "moon" to show the double life this partner/person led, and also comparing "invisible ink" with the permanent "Sharpie". It feels very vulnerable.
<3 have a nice day!