LOVING THE LOVE
I never felt your touch
never held your hand
never felt your fingertips graze my skin
or the warmth of your breath, slowing things down
i never felt your hug
the inside of your palm
or the damage you could've done
Our conversations were surface level, deep on a subtle level
an implication of understanding, without explanation
the fear of not knowing you
greater than the desire to try
I didn't mind our distance
my merely minor feeling
and my stubborn minds resistance
i never thought to the future
to what you might consider
selfish is fair,
i never traded your heart for another, or stripped your soul bare
but i never gave movement
full comfort or truth
i gave un comfy and fragile
never someone to love, inside an out
not piece by piece, fully and whole
I loved your eyes,
not the colour or the shape
but the heavyniess of wanting when they fell on me
i loved being watched, wanted, needed
talked about and treated
i loved to be loved
stored the box of desire you made for me in the back of my throat
transformed to a lump i was accustomed to swallow
but my head thought before my heart could beat
before i could figure out how to want you
the door was shut and your time was reached
So i cannot be jealous, when i see her there
laughing and smiling and pretty and fair
i cannot compare my worth to hers
i won't lower to one with a synthetic heart
made from glitter and glue
begging to be loved, wanting the stares
no, my heart is made real
beaten but beating
haunted by losses but proud for reaching
i will not compare, but my chest loses air
when i see the heavieyness in your eyes, staring at her
Indifference killed me first
but longing, longing keeps me alive
torturing me with every time your gaze
finds her in a room full of everything we used to share.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hiya, pleasure to meet you! I found your poem in the Green Room and thought to give it a review! Hope you don't mind!
To start, this felt like an incredible poetic story of one losing love before they even fully realize they have it, in a way. The emotions you describe are just so raw and real, and you have an incredible way of writing romantic lines without coming off as cliche or cheesy! The turn toward the end, where the love has already moved on, but the narrator can still stand strong and carry on—love it! So much determination, very admirable ~
As far as recommendations for improvement, I noted only two things, feel free to take or ignore them as you see fit! First, I just noticed some uncapitalized "I"s—the grammar checker in me wanted to note it, the poetry reviewer in me knows that the rules of grammar don't ALWAYS have to apply here, so take that as you will! The other thing I noted was a very minor typo here:
It just looks like a stray "ey" snuck its way into "heaviness" there, that's all!
Now, with the nitpicks out of the way, let's chat about some highlights and favorite parts!!
I like this opening—in a poem literally titled "loving the love," you just immediately get the impression that something has (or will) go wrong here...
I love how you explain this dynamic, it just brings to mind those friends that you "click" with so well, you might wonder if they really are the "one" or if they are just a great friend—ah, the confusion it brings!
I loved this part!! It feels like a more creative and more poetic way of telling that classic part about love—that it's not all about outward appearances!
I like when people are open about this feeling, because obviously, while things like "attention seeking" or "needing affection" can and have been taken too far, it's still a universal feeling that everybody has!
Oh man, brutal!! The rejection here, how sudden it appears, just as the narrator thinks they're about to make progress—brutal! D:
SUCH a creative way to word this. "Beaten but beating" —amazing!!
Overall, this was a fantastic poem about a sorrowful romance! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
thank you so much for your review! and thank you for picking me up on my regard for grammar! your praise means a lot to me- i would say the reason this poem is so emotional is because it is so raw for me and i notice how this feeling of not being able to care enough, no matter how much you want to, goes unnoticed and not talked about.
This is a good poem, it feels like someone is in a room filled with what they miss by someone they used to love, what's your inspiration behind this poem?
thank you, you get it! unfortunatley personal experience, not being able to love someone until its too late
Starting off, this is definitely a nitpick but for a poem this is quite long. But that doesn’t matter all that much. More than anything this poem confuses me on the perspective of the main character, through his hypocrisy and strange obsession with the love interest. And I might add that if this is supposed to be more of a critique of those types of people than I truly am sorry. To pull away from the main plot for a second, the wording is inconsistently good, jumping from quite good, like “I never traded your heart for another, or stripped your soul bare”, to not great, for example “but I never gave movement”. Overall it ranges from bad if this isn’t a judgmental look at the kind of people that think they deserve love more than someone else, or something similar, to pretty good if this is a creative criticism.
Final rating? GOOCHA DUNGA