Chapter 3: An Unexpected Suprise

"Chrissy, wake up" I heard a familiar voice say.

I slowley opened my eyes, blinking to get my focus clear. Standing above me was Mikey, with a frightful look on his face. I tried to take a deep breath to soothe my nerves, but my lungs burnt from what I had guessed to be chloriform.

I took one good look around the room. How could everything be so beautiful in such a horrid place? The walls were nothing but beautiful religious merles.The carpets were white and soft. There was no furnuture but one couch and a winding spiral staircase.

"No... we didnt get away." I whispered and broke out into a complete sob.

"MIKEY, WE DIDN'T GET AWAY!" I screamed.

At this moment my whole world was crashing in on me. I couldn't even move. Crying hurt my chest so badly. My burnt lungs sent sharp pains through my body everytime I took a deep breath, and crying made it worse. Mikey pulled me in hugging me.

"We will get out.." He said "We just have to play the right cards."

"What cards?! There is a thirty foot fence out there! even if we get outside, how do we get past it?" I sobbed.

"Well first you need to calm down" Mikey said, tilting my face up to look at me. "and second we need to take advantage of our time alone and get a plan."

I admired how put together Mikey was. I must have looked like a complete trainreck. Just for that reason I pulled myself together. It was weird though. I almost didn't want to get up. Mikey had this distinct smell to him. It was almost refreshing, like when you smell coffee in the morning or freshly cut grass in the afternoon.

"How are you not going insane right now?" I asked Mikey.

"Chrissy, sometimes life throws things at us to challenge us, and I don't know you well, so I don't know if you're religious, but God wouldn't have put us in this situation if he didn't think we were strong enough to get out. So I have faith we will make it out."

I'm NOT very religious, so I didn't know how to respond to what Mikey had said to me. For some reason though, it gave me faith. If Mikey had the faith that we would make it out of there, then I needed to also.

"Okay, What do we do next?" I asked.

"While you were out I looked around" Mikey said "The only way out of here is that spiral stair case, but who knows where that leads to"

"But why would they just leave us here alone with a way out, there has to be someone waiting for us" I said

"Well, They would of harmed us by now if that's what they wanted, so let's go find out." Mikey said.

I still couldn't get over his calmness. It made me feel so safe, like he was going to get us out of here for sure.

Of course Mikey walked up the stairs first, We walked slowley and queitly, trying to get out discreetly. The stair case seemed like it went on for miles, I got a bit dizzy looking down at how far we've walked. Mikey came to a complete stop and I ran straight into him, I shrieked as I began tilting backward but Mikey grabbed me before I could fall.

"Come up here you two, There's no need to be shy" I heard a women's voice say.

Mikey and I looked at each other with wide eyes and then slowly walked up the stairs. We walked into a room that looked like an office. The office had the same mereled walls and white carpet, but much more furniture. Directly in front of us was a women sitting behind a desk. Her Curly black hair formed around her shoulders. She had beety eyes, caked with black make-up, but the worst part was her crooked smile, that she was flashing at us right this second.

I grabbed Mikeys hand as tight as I could.

"Well how cute" She said glancing at our hands. "The two Trouble makers have bonded"

"Who are you" I said, giving a death glare.

"I'm Jesse" She said with pride.

"Where are we?" Mikey followed up.

"Wow, so curious aren't we?" Jesse said with an evil chuckle. "You'll find out soon enough my dears, Patients is the answer."

"We woke up in a dark cellar, with no memory of how we got here. We have been completely ripped away from our families, and you want us to be patient? We want answers, and we aren't asking" I sternly said.

Mikey looked at me surprised, Little did he know, I had a stubbornness under my softness, and it's beginning to push it's way through.

"Are you really in a position to be giving orders?" Jesse said, her smile fading. "I said you'll find out soon enough. I suggest you keep your mouth shut or I'll have you put back in the cellar."

I looked at Mikey as fear spread across my face.

"Now, you two have to be hungry. I'll have Jeremiah show you to the cafeteria. The others are having dinner right now." Jesse said.

"What do you mean others?" Mikey snapped

She just smiled and picked up the phone to call Jeremiah. Within seconds he was in the door. He was tall and dark skinned. He had bright blue eyes that sparkled when he blinked. He had a design cut into the side of his hair. It was a symbol. I'm not sure what it meant though.

"Go with Jeremiah, He will get you guys some food."

When Jesse said others, I expected a whole cafeteria full of people, but there were only 4 other people. 2 girls and boy were sitting at the table. Another boy was still getting food. Something about the boy getting food looked oddly familiar.

The cafeteria was huge. On the far wall in front of me was the same symbol that Jeremiah had on his head. There were four big tables and one large table full of food. I couldn't help but drool. I can't remember the last time I ate.

 We walked toward The table full of food where the boy was. As he heard our footsteps approaching he turned around. The sight of his face almost made my heart stop beating. When he made eye contact with me he dropped his plate of food.

"Dean?" I whimpered.

As soon as I said his name he flew to me and took me in his arms. I could here him quietly sobbing.

"Chrissy, I was so worried about you." He Whispered.

All I could do was hold him closer. Being in my brothers arms took a million pounds of stress of my shoulders, but also seemed to add more.  It's not only Mikey and I's safety I have to worry about any more. It's my big brothers too.

Dean cleaned up his dropped food and tossed it in a near by garbage can. As we were choosing what food to put on our plates we caught up on what happened to us the past few days.

"Dean this is Mikey" I said pointing to him. "And Mikey this is my big brother Dean"

Mikey stared at us for a second taking it in.

"Mikey and I woke up in this dungeon thing, We tried escaping when the men came to get us, but we didn't get very far."

"The same thing happened to me and that blonde over there. Minus the stupidly trying to escape" Dean chuckled his everyday laugh. I couldn't help but smile. "Her names Stacy. I haven't met the other two yet. They won't talk to us."

"But sis... I have something important to tell you" Dean said. He looked as if it was the most exciting, but terrifying news. He got very close to me and brought his mouth to my ear. I could feel the air coming from his lungs as he whispered the words that could change my entire life.

"Dad's alive"

Comments & reviews · 3
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Sorry it took so long for me to read this! I just got back where the internet still exists /.\ I really like how this story is coming along! I am defiantly invested now! I don't really have any corrections that haven't already been addressed.

But I will say I love how the brother's name is Dean and he is talking about thier dad. #SupernaturalFanAllTheWay
and if you are not a Supernatural fan, I am also a fan of awesome coincidences!

Omg yes I was waiting for someone to catch that!!

Hello! Sybil here :>

Just read this part of your work because the title got me reeled in. Sorry to be so frank at such an early part in this review, but I suggest you change the title. It's a bit redundant. As we are used to hearing, "Oh, what an unexpected surprise!" if we look at it closely, it's actually an exaggeration. I mean, of course it's unexpected, it's a surprise after all!

Going back to my agreeable self, the flow was consistent and your chapter break was perfect! ;) The wording was generally good and it didn't lack much descriptions to paint a good picture of this. I salute thee to that! *salute*

Just a few things....

slowley
Really, man? Slowly...

How could everything be so beautiful in such a horrid place? The walls were nothing but beautiful religious merles
Was using beautiful twice an emphasis? There are synonyms for beautiful that could still go well with this part.

"No... we didnt get away."
Missing apostrophe in didn't. And that was supposed to be a comma and not a period in the end of the dialogue.

"Well first you need to calm down"
Comma!

I admired how put together Mikey was.
try 'how collected Mikey was'

If Mikey had the faith that we would make it out of there, then I needed to also.
Needed to also what? or 'then I also needed that faith'

queitly
'quietly'

Her Curly black hair
the c in curly must be in lowercase.

Patients
"Patience"

Mikey looked at me surprised, Little did he know,
Period after surprised.

only 4 other people. 2 girls and boy were sitting at the table. Another boy was still getting food. Something about the boy getting food looked oddly familiar.
this was a little bit confusing considering that 'a' was excluded in the first mention of 'boy' and the last sentence was a little unclear to which boy you were referring to.

We walked toward The table full of food where the boy was
'towards' and lower case T.

. I could here him quietly sobbing.
'hear'

Being in my brothers arms took a million pounds of stress of my shoulders
"off my shoulders"


that's it! Hope this helps! Good luck with this story too :)

-Sybil (WaltzingDreams)

User avatar
Bliese
Review
Bliese wrote a review · Thu Dec 18, 2014 3:32 am

Hey geeky :)

You know how much I adore your writing. Poetry, stories, songs, anything really. So you can already guessed how much i LOVED THIS!!! But as any good friend would do (like you do to me) I have something's that may help if out a little, if you don't like my suggestions well then that's ok too:)

Your first paragraph I would have said "with a frightful look upon his face" instead of "on his face"

Instead of "it's weird though. I almost didn't want to get up. I would use a comma after though. I think it would flow better.

"I got a bit dizzy" I think it should just be "I got dizzy"

The sentence "Mikey looked at me surprised, little....." You capitalized little it doesn't need to be. I know it was probably just auto-correct but just in case :)

I'm going to finish revising in study hall tomorrow math is calling my name!
P.s I just wanted to say again how talented you are!

thanks!!! ill make edits tomorrow!!!:)



fun fact i hear my evil twin once wrote a story about a hacker who used the name fyshi33k bc there are 33k-ish species of fish and she liked phishing so fyshi-33k made sense but then she got super embarrassed when someone forced her to explain
— VyperShadow