Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
what's real v what's fake
fakeness and the sword
would be a paper
curled if you want
just a quick question
about your mental image
what do you envision me as?
a weak piece of a grander puzzle?
a small fragment of hope?
a dissapointment, not what i could've been?
a tear, which you can easily dry up?
my thoughts are that I go down
thats electrical noise and the light
just a quick note about my dreams
just a quick reminder about your order
I keep coming back to this
and i will forever remember
that i am just some pawn
for you to toy with
for you to mold
for you to put away
each 5 lines switches between suggestive text and my actual words
///
amnesia again
i forgot why
i came in here
my foot stepped through the doorway
and i can't quite remember
why i walked in
i know now
hello you,
the person behind that screen
yes you
are you like me?
do you forget too?
no worries
i forgot who you even were
maybe i'll remember
but i will be dead by then
//
this is a metaphor
bag of orbeez
they look like candy
vibrant and shiny
i want to bite down
on these small beads of water
but they are
frail, timid, crushed
like jello between fingers
you could apply all of this
to my heart
which you squeezed
until it burst
///
perfection//chasing things unreachable
repeat records
frames askew
humans look for nitpicks
(and they crave perfection)
i look for niches
and crevases
and imperfections
(like mirrors with scratches,
i patch my scars as well)
whatever does it mean
that i am trying to chase something
i cannot achive
(people say they are perfect,
so i must believe them,
no?)
solo act
life was better alone
only 1 person to rely on
(but i was not reliable,
not even to myself.)
life was weirder as a duo
2 of us, both untrustworthy
(i still didn't trust you after we parted)
next was a whole group
but i always felt cut out
(like mold off of fruit)
now there are 2
and this time,
i feel safe
(you always felt like a knife,
piercing through my back)
///
music made me feel special
the g sharps and b flats ring out
(but you made me feel
1 finger on a, none on a, and 3 on a.)
guilty strings
made me share my life
(the sharps flats and naturals,
the bass alto and treble)
please,
choose a different chord to play
because the strings of my heart
well, they ache
(like snapping a string
or breaking your bridge)
///
shrodingers cat
life is odd
both to remember
and to think of
it's both kind and cruel
cold and loving
somewhat paradoxical, no?
like an archive archiving archives
or a buffalo from buffalo
having a buffalo
with a buffalo
i don't want to come to terms with life
what would happen to my poetry?
what would happen to me?
i fear that, so i avoid it.
i shall always live.
///
TW MURDER AND IMPLIED CANNIBALISM
i remember you
like molding memory foam
you are ingrained
in my mind, body and soul
your being is heavenly
not just in my eyes
but in my heart, ears and hands.
oh how i loved it
when i felt your blood
dripping down my hands
while i embraced you
stabbed by the same knife you loved
ironic, isn't it?
funny how i worshipped you,
but i ended up being your demise
yet i still hold on to you
in mouth, mind and music.
///
poem rant about caitlyn the hoe
oh the horror
of having a roomate
who needs medical attention
oh the horror
of giving a girl
a ride home in the cold
Dearest Hoe,
I hoe-pe you know
that dearset ellie
deserves love too
and your facade is not working
at least for long
for your fakeness is that of
botox on botox on botox
you can't hide personality,
unlike appearences.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey there herb! Here for a review!
I saw a lot of poetry in the green room by you, so I decided to check it out finally. And it was lovely reading all of it! I personally enjoyed perfection//chasing things unreachable and solo act.
This felt like small snippets of so many things. Random thoughts and quirky ideas just bubbled into poems and it was refreshing to read some much-thought-out and abstract poetry.
my favourites could be one of these. niches, crevases and imperfections, pretty awesome choice of words!
Talking about shrodingers cat, I liked your way of saying that life is in terms pretty complex. I loved “an archive archiving archives” and "i shall always live." this is a great way to put it to end. A little suggestion the buffalo line was quite extra complicated maybe you can rephrase it.
this is a metaphor I mean seriously you named a poem like this, that pretty funny but I liked it, you took it from physical description to metaphorical meaning. And I believe your words like "vibrant," "shiny," and "frail" create a strong visual and tactile sense. I mean the metaphor was quite great.
Overall I liked all the poems, I like your way of expressing your thoughts and idea herb, would read more of your poetry in the future!
Keep Writing👍
-Alice
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
Wow so many amazing poems! Let me just randomely pick one of these to review... hmmm.. how about the last one! This poem is titled, "poem rant about caitlyn the hoe"
Right away, this poem caught my attention. It seems that we are describing a situation with two roommates, where one of them has some sort of medical issues that require attention or help.
I love this repetition of "oh the horror" that you are using. It seems that this other roommate is refusing to do simple things, like drive her roommate home in the cold. From my interpretation, I am going to assume that this mean roommate is Caitlyn. I am still confused about where the hoe part comes in and if she is a gardener or something. Let's keep reading.
Now it seems that we are talking about the gardening tool itself. Or is Caitlyn nicknamed a hoe? Maybe it is that. I love the little gardening pun you snook in there! How clever! I have definitely never used a hoe pun before, what a great idea, Herb!
What a coincidence. Okay, it seems that the other roommate's name is Ellie. That's my name too!
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
Roomate should be Roommate.
And capitalize Ellie.
Appearences should be Appearances.
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
The idea of botx upon botox gives a strong impression of fakeness. It seems like Caitlyn is hiding her true self. And maybe she even hurts others to hide that part of who she really is. If this is based on a true story, I am so sorry Herbie <33
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Overall, this was lovely. It was powerful and I connected to it in so many ways. Keep writing!!
I hoe-pe you have a lovely day <33
Your friend,
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!