sleepwalking to my demise
i dream of
a world
where we
could stay next to
eachother
but alas
that is a fate
we cannot choose
for fate has decided
that we stay
7 worlds apart
i dream of
a body
where i
could look at
myself
and yet
i still feel like
this body is simply
futile
i dream of
a tear
that i
never shed
because
that tear
broke me
and somehow
empowered you
///
gifts i lost with time
nobody told me to bring cake to my own party
nobody said that i needed to bring a gift
nobody watched as i walked in the room
as if it wasn't even my party
as if i wasn't even there
as if i wasn't human
now i am painted as the villain
now i am no longer praised
now i just recive piercing glares
what happened to my party?
what happened to my gifts?
what happened to my praise?
i guess it just got lost in my pity party
oh well
i suppose there is always another year
yet i feel the next year will also reap the same crop
///
pondering
why does the chicken
cross the road
if it knows
that it might die
does it look both ways?
i think not
so how does it believe in itself
to the extent that it
could be brave enough
to cross the roads both ways
likewise,
why does the hare
take a nap each time
if it knows
that it will lose
is it friends with the tortoise?
or has it accepted its fate
as the eternal loser
and if so,
why can't i
muster up courage
just to utter
a simple
"hello"?
///
fraction of myself
i cry out for you
but then i think about it
and
i look around me
and realize
i was just talking to a mirror
all this time
so i scream
and scream
looking for
that fraction of myself
that i lost when you talked to me
///
my delusions
am i going insane
or is it just my delusions
delusions that cloud my mind
my mind growing bizzare
each time i fall back
into inasnity
///
marker over laminated eyes
i forgot your face
again
only photographs remain now
but in those too
your face is smudged
just another mirage for me to forget
like an allergy i have to remind myself of
this cycle shall repeat
and i am the eternal amnesiac,
no?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
A pleasant morning to you, Tea! Ellie here to review this beautiful collection of poetry that you have posted. I feel that it would be more valuable for me to post an in depth review of onr of these poems, rather than barely touching the surface of them all. So in this review, I will be reviewing sleepwalking to my demise:
Right from the beginning, we can see that this poem is filled with a sense of longing. I can think of multiple people in my life who I wish I could stay with, but challenges, mental or physical, keep us apart. I notice the formatting of this poem consists of very short lines, with some (later in the poem) only containing one word. I really love this format of poetry and it is something that I love to do as well!
I have noticed that a common theme in your poetry is fate. You often touch on this unseen force that controls our destiny, as well as the people who we are blessed, or curse, to associate with in our lives. This part of the poem also uses the phrase, “7 worlds apart”. I wonder what the symbolism behind this is? In the bible, the number 7 often symbolises completion, or something becoming perfect. 7 is almost this end–point, where after there is a period of rest. I feel that you may have had a different interpretation when writing this. Maybe seven represents cities, states, countries, or time that these people have been separated. But in my mind, i see this as a way of saying, if we could cross those 7 worlds, i could finally find my rest. I would finally be whole and completed with you.
For something to be futile, it means that it is unable to produce a result that is seen as useful. In this case, the writers body is unable to give them a sense of “being okay” when they look in the mirror. They want to be able to look at themselves. But what do they want to feel?
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
In the section about looking in the mirror at your body and it producing futile results, i would absolutely love an expansion on that. Mirrors are such a fun thing to write about in poetry because it is so easy to connect symbolism into it. I would love to know, what doe the writer want to see in the mirror? Who or what do they see right now? Are they seeing themself or, are they seeing a reflection of someone else, maybe they see traces of this person who is 7 worlds apart.
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
TEA. dude this part broke me lol
Yessssssssss. Absolutely slaytastical. Ummmm can you print this and give me a signed copy? Seriously. Crying helps sometimes. You need to cry to let it out but this captures a feeling of the inability to cry, or the yearning for that emotional release. The writers pains empowered this other person, so maybe this has caused them to close up a lot more emotionally.
I think i also connected so well to this because it perfectly encapsulates how i feel right now and i really need that.Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Pssssst tea <-<
Spoiler
Sincerely,
ellie
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
ehehehe ! i thought of 7 as luck, as in, if i were lucky, we wouldn't be thid far away
Hey there! Here to leave a review.
Sleepwalking to my demise
The line breaks make this feel very choppy, which makes it very hard to read, almost like the speaker is in a daze. Was this intentional? Also, the speaker can't seem to decide if the person they are addressing is either very close or '7 worlds apart', which lends this to the delirium of a dream, where it makes sense in the moment, but when you try to explain it to someone else, it makes zero sense. Overall, I think that this captures the delirium of dreams very well. The biggest thing that I would change is the line breaks.
Marker over laminated eyes
I really like this one! The structure of it is intriguing- first an apology, then the realization that this is of a cyclical nature was a nice reversal. It also plays on the concept of memory (something I always like to explore in writing) using photos, but blurred. The line 'like an allergy i have to remind myself of' caught me of guard though. It implies that the speaker often wavers between liking and disliking the person she (I don't know why I assume the speaker is female, it just feels right) is talking about, at first not really caring, but then as the memory slowly comes back, realizing the reason for her distaste. Overall, very well done!
thank you <33