All the Worlds

Yay! More to critique! To start off, I think this version works much better. Ready for the stanza by stanza? ^_^

All the worlds touch
Softly in the paper-smelling silence
Of sleeping ink.

I know you're trying to keep the format of the previous version of this poem, but I think that the line break between 1.1 and 1.2 is a little wonky. Line breaks should be more meaningful than just structure--and I think it would flow better if you broke it up into "All the worlds touch softly / In the paper-smelling silence / Of sleeping ink."

On another note, I'm really not sure of "paper-smelling." After a bit of playing around, I came up with a few alternatives that you might want to consider: "paper-scented," "paper-fragrant," and "paper-pungent." Personally, I think with the tone of this stanza "paper-fragrant" might work best, but "paper-pungent" has a very pleasing alliteration, non?

I do really like this stanza... the imagery of the paper-scented silence and sleeping ink is gorgeously alluring. It makes me want to go sequester myself in my college's library. ^_^

All the worlds breathe
And whisper words of wandering
Among the wonders.

*cough*ALLITERATION*cough*

I like this, and I'm incredibly fond of well-done alliteration in poetry, such as this--but it might be just a leetle bit too much. Five words in three short lines can get unwieldy and trip up the reader's inner tongue. I'd suggest something more like, "All the worlds breathe / And whisper wandering words / Among the [insert some reference to a library, aisles of books, etc, here]." Just a suggestiong, of course, but I think maybe "whisper wandering words" works better than "whispers words of wandering." The rhythm's a little easier on the inner ear.

All the worlds sing
And dance the death of ignorance,
The dawn of truth.

I like the imagery of "dancing the death," and I think this is just the perfect amount of alliteration. Very good. ^_^

All the worlds weep
For those who never dare to come where
All the worlds touch

Here's another place where tweaking your line breaks, even though it might throw off the structure you're aiming for a little bit, would help smooth out the rhythm. I'd suggest: "All the worlds weep / For those who never dare to come / Where all the worlds touch."

^_^ Hope this helped!

All the worlds touch
Here in the quiet, in the smell of paper
All the worlds touch

All the worlds breathe
Here where the brightly colored spines go dancing
All the worlds breathe

All the worlds sing
Here where there are those who need such songs
All the worlds sing

All the worlds weep
For those who never dare to come where
All the worlds touch

Mmm... holistically, I like this. For the greater part it has a very nice rhythm--sort of soothing, like a lullaby, which is only emphasized by the repetition. At second glance, though, the repetition is a little too--er--repetitive. It overbalances everything else. Now, stanza by stanza:

Stanza 1: I love the first two lines; the third feels like too much, but that was a common reaction to each stanza.

Stanza 2: "Here where the brightly colored spines go dancing"--the rhythm's strange in this. It's too prosy for a poem, I think, and the line itself is too long.

Stanza 3: Actually, I have the same complaint about line 3.2 as I did for line 2.2. Too long, a little unwieldy. It's also a little... I dunno. Blase. I've heard a lot of lines like this in poetry that's not nearly as good as that which you're capable of. Also, singing worlds as an image is... meh. It's a pretty image, but is there depth, or is it a superficial sort of beauty?

Stanza 4: My favorite of the stanzas, along with #1 .

I think it's the fact that 2 out of every 3 lines is a repetition that unbalances this. Try deleting the third line of each stanza, play around with wording, and expand upon the concepts. ^_^ Good luck!