Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
⛓The First Scourge of Death⛓
TW: 18+ | Slight Descriptions of Violence | Mature Language
PT 394, Dimension Y-062
Enzo Eclipse
A vast expanse of hell coated the land formerly known as the United States of America. Not destroyed through mass nuclear hysteria, nor virus outbreak, nor their own meddling with time and space. Some higher-ups in DRU call this “The First Scourge of Death”. Better known as the first attack by Radio. An extra-dimensional being working to destroy DRU with unknown motives. Their motives are unknown due to them being five years old at the time of their first attack. The first attack was especially grizzly because DRU had no way of knowing of it. No lives were saved. Everyone ceased to exist in one gigantic sea of red. The world over, coated with a hardened, red paste, containing billions of lost souls.
Enzo and Petra entered the dimension with a tool known as a biosphere stone, the stone glowed yellow in the user’s hand, creating a similar yellow portal that they each stepped through, like aliens entering a wholly unfamiliar world. Enzo buttoned his trench coat up tightly, he slung their bag of supplies close. Petra followed from afar. She let Enzo take in the scene.
“This…Is New York?” He staggered with his words. While his green eyes were pressed open, Petra stayed stoic, beady eyed. As if it was a sight she had seen one-hundred times over. “New York was the site of the attack. Where Radio first appeared.” She revealed.
He felt a cold sensation in the back of his throat. So intense his mouth hung agape. They stood on top of the red paste plastered everywhere, which had begun to decay. Petra and Enzo practically stood on the street, but with a red glaze across. The building they stood next to was the largest building in the city. This appeared to be the starting site, hence, the building was reduced to a giant red structure.
“Do you still want to see if we can find evidence of Tempest’s existence?” Petra asked dejectedly, her sunken shoulders telling Enzo that she didn’t feel very different from him on the inside.
Enzo took his baseball bat from their bag of supplies. It was a relic of his Yakuza days back in the simulation. His signature weapon for those who gave him a hard time. “I’m not giving up, yet. You see shit like this everyday. I should get used to it.” He deflected.
“The stone isn’t as intuitive as I’d like, so we have some walking to do. Luckily, our destination is not that far. It’s the first thing I would think of when talking about Tempest Lorenz. A facility numbered twenty-three.” Petra explained.
“You really seem to know a lot about Tempest. What can you tell me?” Enzo asked as Petra began to lead the way. She stared off into the distance, and zipped up her DRU-Issued jacket just as Enzo had upon entering the cold dimension.
“I skimmed his file, that’s all. Most of the information about Tempest was scrubbed from the records. All I know is he was one of the first artificially created metahumans. He was a weapon of war that the United States government used to protect the president. During the war, of course, he hit it off with Terra Lorenz. The rest is history. His place of birth was noted as “facility twenty-three”. If it remains untouched, perhaps we can find some information.”
They continued to walk in silence. The cold bit, and the air stayed stagnant. The world answered in tandem, an endlessly deafening silence persisted throughout their walk. It was filled with thoughts of his sister, Emi, once again. Enzo thought about Nova’s metaphor about Azathoth from earlier. Your life is normal, and then in the blink of an eye, blackness. Not blackness, but ceasing to exist. He thought of asking Petra what she thought happened when they died. But he didn’t want to bring the mood down any further. Emi’s life was normal. She was a happy, excitable kid, because of Enzo’s actions, she did not exist. “Nothingness, funny.” He felt the knot in his gut form.
“Stop.” Petra’s voice interrupted as she waved her hand in front of Enzo. He responded instinctively with a “what?” His voice broke as he questioned Petra. He took a deep breath, and looked ahead. Another human?
It was a girl with orange hair tied back into a large topknot. Enzo couldn’t believe the last name spelt across the back of her baseball jersey. “Lorenz”. It was either a coincidence, or Enzo was back in the simulation. Her eyes glowed an emerald green, just like the goddess of Earth, though she was just a normal girl. Before Enzo could act, Petra was standing, pointing a gun at the oblivious girl. Enzo saw her logic. If it was a Lorenz, who are known to be dangerous, it is best to show that they can be easily dispatched by DRU personnel.
“Freeze! Turn around and show me your hands!” Petra warned. “This gun will liquify ya, starting with your insides!”
The girl looked like she had been scared to the moon and back, she turned with tears welling in her eyes. “I’m sorry!” She cried. Enzo shot to his feet and lowered Petra’s gun for her. He began to approach the girl.
“What are you doing? We don’t know if she’s safe yet.”
“You made the girl cry, have a little humanity.” Enzo fired back.
He approached the girl, who had turned into a blubbering mess on the floor.
“Hey, are you okay? Did something happen?” Enzo asked, crouching down to her level to take her hand, only to be cross-cut with a fist to his jaw.
“N-No! Get away from me, please!” She cried, realizing who Enzo and Petra were. The blow sent Enzo reeling, until he realized that her punch felt like…nothing. She continued beating on his stomach. It felt like a fly continuously ramming into him.
Stifling a laugh, Enzo lightly pushed her away. “I’m sorry, bad introduction. We are with DRU, but we aren’t working for them right now. If you don’t want to be reported on, I promise we will keep our word. We want to help. Can you start by telling me your name?” He spoke kindly, as if he was talking to a baby.
“My name’s Hestia. Thanks for not reporting me. I don’t want your help, though.” She quickly replied as she got to her feet. Her heart beat a mile a minute.
“That’s not true.” Petra interrupted. She had a watch around her wrist, seemingly DRU-issued. It had a collection of statistics about Hestia’s body. Her resting temperature, heart-beat, and more. “Your blood sugar is dangerously low. I could tell when you sunk to your knees after I threatened your life. We only brought enough for two, but Enzo could stand to lose a few pounds.”
“I already said it. I’m fine.” Hestia resisted. She began to disappear in the distance.
“At least tell us why you’re here!” Enzo yelled in an attempt to reach her down the street.
“I’m looking for the Terra Tree. Even DRU can’t help me with that!” She disappeared into the distance, fading into the red backdrop of the city.
“Terra Tree, what a stupid name.” Enzo pondered thoughtlessly. He began to walk with no direction. Contrasting the unmoving Petra. She motioned for him to get behind cover once again. “We’re going to keep getting interrupted. We need to get to a higher spot. I had no idea this dimension was everyone’s favorite landmark to visit. Come on.” Petra whispered.
She navigated the fallen city like she had been before. They snuck into a parking garage. As they snuck up the emergency exit, Enzo realized the true magnitude that the attacks had caused. The ceiling had collapsed in many locations among the garage, crushing cars, some with people inside. For the first time, Enzo let his eyes rest on a person who had been afflicted by the red death. It was like their body was mummified. Stretched and distorted beyond belief, like crumbling marble statues of those who once lived fulfilling lives. Reduced to nothing in an instant.
Petra snapped him back into reality, where they were forced to climb over some debris to reach the top of the parking garage. It gave them the chance to get a bird’s eye view of the carnage. The only thought that krept up on Enzo was what was below all the red, now. Millions of people were most likely in his view. All overtaken by the red plague in an instant. Once again, Petra smacked him on his side to gain his attention.
“Hey, you said you were all business today. I get it’s a scary sight. But we have bigger problems. Look down there.” She warned.
There was a group of three women on the ground. Seemingly searching for something. Two of them were clearly human, while the other looked like she was plucked from a video game from the late nineties. Her arms and legs sat detached from her body, and she was made out of mostly polygonal shapes. One thing they all had in common, orange hair and a glowing red frustration with the world around them. Petra checked her watch.
“They all have the same DNA signature. They’re all different forms of Terra.” Petra revealed, to Enzo’s confusion.
“What? They are all Terra Lorenz? Are they working together?” Enzo questioned.
“I’ve seen this before. It’s more common than you think. Where those who share the same identity from different dimensions ally with each other to pursue a goal they all agree on. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a group of Terra’s, considering the value DRU places in them.” Petra explained.
Enzo looked down at them, puzzled. The same people, all from different walks of life. That’s all it took to change them. Petra turned to Enzo with her first inclination of surprise.
“Fuck! We’ve got to find Hestia.” She exclaimed. “I get it now.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello Again, My Friend!
It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
~ A full analysis and breakdown
Ooo, our first exploration of Radio-ruined Earth did NOT disappoint! The city itself was a sight to behold—so to speak, lol. But Enzo encountered Hestia sooner than I would've thought, and we got some new lore about this fabled 'Terra Tree' and a group of Terras from other dimensions, converging here. Let's get into the details though.
Plot and Pacing: Very nice! Pacing was nice, slowed down a bit so we can take in the devastation of the city. We got plenty of clues about where this story may be going, but so much mystery surrounding these bits of lore. Especially given their association with a major character, I can't help being SO curious!
Descriptions and Setting: Awesome!! I love the kind of ruin that Radio leaves in her wake. It's not your standard nuclear-fallout wasteland, or dead misty ruins from a zombie movie, the theme of red and that waxy residue makes for such a unique mental image, and hits equally hard. So cool!
Characterization: Oof—I wonder how much time has passed for poor Hestia, because she does not seem too hardened by this place, with how scared she was, minimal survival instinct, and clearly not having trained much. And since she seemed to have some recognition of DRU, I can't help but wonder what she knows about them too.
But another person who caught my eye was Petra, here. The familiarity she has with the city, the somber mood she has (not that I know her default mood too great), I wonder if she had some connection to this dimension prior to the attack...
Grammar and Wording: Overarchingly? No complaints!
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations
Not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…
Looks like there's a little typo, with an "k" in "crept."
That’s all! Great writing job ~
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts
Ooo, one thing that has me thinking is how time is functioning here. Petra and Enzo make it sound like Radio's attack happened a long time ago—heck, Chapter 1 mentioned that Enzo just thought of this escapade 14 years after the initial attack. Yet Hestia still seems young, is still wearing that jersey, and still has that naive sort of behavior and personality. Either DRU's portals transcend time, or something else is going on, maybe something to do with Olympus? Hm...
But anyway, for highlights and reactions...
WOAH, this Radio lore was wild! The fact that she could cause so much damage at just five years old, you can't help wondering—dude, what even IS this creature?! No wonder it was such a menace in Kitty and Fi's stories.
Speaking of which, again, love the city and the aesthetic of the ruins.
I love seeing Enzo not just sticking to what he knows and how he trained in the simulation, but how eager he is to make some progress and figure things out. If he can't return to the simulation, may as well expand upon DRU's reasons for putting him there in the first place, and what they wanted to make him. I like the angle! Plus, I love characters exploring the "I need to press on because others in my position have seen even worse" sort of mentality. There are so many ways to go with it, some better and some worse for all sorts of different parties.
OOO, ruined facilities are always so creepy to explore, it'd be cool if they actually make it there. Likewise, I would not be opposed to more Tempest lore, if it exists lol.
LOVE the atmosphere you established here, it's so eerie. Red is so often associated with heat, the idea of this place being frigid cold adds makes it feel even more unnatural. Likewise, the somber mood with Enzo's mind inherently drifting back to Emi, and his whole world ceasing to exist, draws some disturbing parallels between his life and these ruins.
Haha, I love Petra's underhanded teasing of Enzo here! Likewise, for someone who comes off as SO callous, she was at least kind enough to offer to help with her blood sugar. I like that bit of contrast with her character.
Ooo, new landmark/MacGuffin acquired, the Terra Tree. Trees are always interesting in that regard. Sometimes you get something protective and beneficial, like Thalia's Pine Tree from Percy Jackson. Sometimes you get a Garden of Eden vibe—forbidden, deceptive, malevolent. Or something else entirely!
Oof—brutal!! Love this detail.
WOAH, so on top of Nova the failed clone, and Hestia the granddaughter, we have multiple forms of Terra from different dimensions now? I don't even know what to make of this yet, but it sure seems like something DRU wouldn't take kindly to lol.
Well, that's a cryptic line to end on. What is Petra thinking here? (00 )
MadThoughts...Overall, that was an awesome chapter, nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the gorey S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Enzo and Petra come across a dimension where New York and most of the United States of America is completely obliterated by red smoke. It’s a sorrowful sight to see, but who is that girl in the baseball uniform?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that Enzo was trying to calm Hestia down. He might have been thinking about Emi a little bit when he saw her and still wanted to make sure that she was okay. I also like the description of the different Terras to show how different they are from each other and how Petra still seemed upset even though she had seen the dimension before. A grim sight will still be a grim sight.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a somber chapter on what the end can bring, but perhaps The Council of Terra can bring about a new beginning. I hope that they can be able to connect with Hestia and that they can be able to fix things (whatever it is that needs to be fixed) but as of right now…
I wish you a marvelous day/night! ^v^
Honestly, I enjoyed your work. It is quite thrilling although sometimes I kind of get lost. I did notice a few spelling error but overall it was good