♦ Plague of the Desert - Part 7 ♦

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Fi doesn’t trust the harmony boxes, they go to the Fireside Saloon and drink with men, they hear a story that might just be used to keep others from leaving, and when they come home, they throw up all alone. :<

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.

Chocolate Bar - I love the way you describe Fi’s uneasiness with drinking with the men, because they know that they don’t look like a man and wouldn’t want to be judged that way. It’s nice that nothing bad happened, though…except for the fact that the connection between Fi and their parents seems to have thinned. It’s sorrowful to see them throw up all alone.

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lonely chapter on how change can fester fear and divide, on how Fi might be all alone in this fight. I hope that they will be able to connect with their parents but even more so find out the truth about their society! Maybe their parents will come around, but I will have to wait…

I wish you a marvelous day/night! :>

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

Ooo, we get to learn more about how Fi-So is taking to the adult life in Joji, from updates about the harmony boxes and the marks DRU is leaving, all the way down to the kinds of interactions they've been having around town. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

I didn't really find anything to put here this time! Good writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened...

Starting off, I love how you showed us how Fi is feeling as they become more of an adult in the society.

Days began to speed up as Fi moved through life. Work, home, more work, and going straight home. What felt like [staples] in family tradition became like a chore. It forced Fi to grapple with a truth they never thought about. They were truly lonely.

The new obsession brought on by technology severely decreased the time Fi’s family spent being one.

Cap-out was the ability that every resident of Joji had. Signified by the color of their hair changing, everything about them was highly strengthened. Strength went from that of a normal human to the equivalent of an army.

Everything was done as perfectly as can be, this meant that there was no idle chit-chat allowed, any mistake would mean you were pushed down the line, where the weakest stood.

Fi’s home-life bit at them, and for once, going outside seemed like a better idea than going home and reading the same books over and over again.

Even if one day the desert was sinkhole-free, it doesn’t change the fact that there are many beasts roaming the land, who wouldn’t hesitate to eat us alive. Life is hard in the desert. Here, we have it easy.

Hey Noah! Ellie here for a quick review of this lovely chapter of yours! Lets get right into breaking this chapter down and the rest of the review

When family dinners became rarer, and their family got more and more caught up with work, Fi couldn’t help but feel like harmony boxes and other “improvements” DRU had brought in were to blame. Upon returning from work, their parents were often jumping with joy to see they survived. Now, it was a half-hearted hello before returning to the programming harmony boxes had in store. The new obsession brought on by technology severely decreased the time Fi’s family spent being one.

“Has anybody ever heard the story of the boy who ran away from Joji?”

The question was met by a hum of silence.

After some more drinks, Fi went home to find their parents had already fallen asleep. While they had a brave face all night, the drinks came back and made their mark when Fi sat above the toilet throwing up after they stumbled inside.

Still, nobody was there to hold their hair back as they threw up their guts.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well looks like an interesting couple of development there both in terms of how those developments have taken over life in this place putting Fi in this spot to generally how this life is being at the moment which despite the bad look at home seems quite good actually.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Days began to speed up as Fi moved through life. Work, home, more work, and going straight home. What felt like stapled in family tradition became like a chore. It forced Fi to grapple with a truth they never thought about. They were truly lonely.

Except for their parents, they had no other people to call friends. Nobody they could contact when their family got into fights, or when they felt increasingly insecure about their body. They’d never felt a need for anything like it.

When family dinners became rarer, and their family got more and more caught up with work, Fi couldn’t help but feel like harmony boxes and other “improvements” DRU had brought in were to blame. Upon returning from work, their parents were often jumping with joy to see they survived. Now, it was a half-hearted hello before returning to the programming harmony boxes had in store. The new obsession brought on by technology severely decreased the time Fi’s family spent being one.

One day, they went to work as normal. It was the last hunt of the day. Fi was often stationed towards the front of the group of hunters due to their impressive cap-out powers. Cap-out was the ability that every resident of Joji had. Signified by the color of their hair changing, everything about them was highly strengthened. Strength went from that of a normal human to the equivalent of an army. In old Joji legend, it was said that a descendant had the “golden” gene for cap-out power. He fought off an army of The Lord’s men. The gene was bred into the earliest Joji residents, and it spread throughout generations. Fi was considered a late bloomer, usually cap-out develops as a preteen. For Fi, they didn’t start to feel heavy effects until they were fifteen. Since they were employed, their strength grew rapidly.

The hunting team was composed of a group of six men all adorned in their plague mask outfits along with armor and weapons. The light of the exit to the underground tunnel was pouring in like a beacon of light. Like a tornado above them, the group could feel the rumbling of the storm above. The pressure was on to get a big kill that day. Plague mask after plague mask poked from the ground cautiously, searching for prey. When they heard a faint snarl from afar, muffled by the rumbling of the storm. Set up along the perimeter of Joji was a circle of bait. Which the boar had helped itself to. The lead mask made a hand signal “wait”.

Click!

The strings of the crossbows equipped at everyone’s wrists creaked and cried. Followed by a thunderous battle cry by the masks. The boar was pierced in all of its vital areas, paralyzing it and bringing it crashing to its side.

Since Fi was towards the front, they used their cap-out mode along with some others to drag the boar through the underground caves. Everything was done as perfectly as can be, this meant that there was no idle chit-chat allowed, any mistake would mean you were pushed down the line, where the weakest stood.

On the other side of the tunnels, after the work was done was when the men surrounding Fi became more playful. They were usually silent, working through the day and leaving just as workers began to get chummy with each other. This was never looked down upon, either. If a man had business to deal with, it was respectable to not be caught up in meaningless conversations with others.

Fi’s home-life bit at them, and for once, going outside seemed like a better idea than going home and reading the same books over and over again. They doubted the men standing before them would understand the situation they were in. But their feet worked faster than their brain, and they followed timidly to the nearest bar. It was a cozy place, the Fireside Saloon. This was the first time Fi ever saw inside. It was exactly what they imagined. Inside, the ceiling support was made of choppy wood, as well as the bar and seats. Above the bar, there was a giant wolf head mounted on the wall, hanging like a trophy. Fi took their seat at the end stool.

“Oh, hey. Fi-So decided to come with us today! Why didn’t you speak up, buddy? What are you doing at the end seat? You get third, cause you're third in the lineup!”

“Oh, okay.” They mumbled, trying to make their voice sound deeper than usual.

“Hey, let’s get a round for all of us! It’s on shorty over here!” He cheered, pointing down the line of seats to the man who stood last in the line of hunters.

“As long as you take it next time!”

A round of tall beers was delivered to the table. Everyone conversed like it was a normal day. Fi was frozen in their seat. Unsure what to say. They looked to their sides, seeing everyone around them lifting their masks up to the nose to drink.

“You gonna drink, Fi-So? Ya don’t come drinking with us for the first time only to watch your comrades drink their faces off!”

Fi’s heart was burning. They let their hand glide their mask up to their nose, and covered their face with the beer, downing as much as they could in one long gulp. In a society all about the tiniest of details, they knew for sure the men around them would notice the fullness of their lips, or the roundness of their chin. Yet, as the night went on, and everyone continued drinking, there was no comment.

“Are they really this dense?”

The Fireside Saloon was known for it’s staple attraction, storytelling by the fire. No harmony box could beat it. That was what Xo-Shi told Fi. After another round, the group gathered around the fire to witness what was in store.

“Has anybody ever heard the story of the boy who ran away from Joji?”

The question was met by a hum of silence.

“The boy who ran away from Joji was shunned by residents because of his unsightly cap-out abilities. He was bullied in the streets, and after one bad night, he made his move, and took one of the underground tunnels out of Joji. Only to find that there were no sinkholes. No unsightly portals to other worlds. As he scoured the desert for water, he began to travel past more and more skeletons of boys just like him. Plague masks burnt to their bodies by the scorching heat of the sun. The emptiness of the desert, and the many late nights with nothing but the dark to kiss him goodnight sent him running home. When he returned, there he was. The great hound! A beast only heard about in old wives tales!”

“What happened?” A worried voice called.

“Can you guess? The beast ate him, and when his mother and father came looking for him, they were next! This one is a story about security. Even if one day the desert was sinkhole-free, it doesn’t change the fact that there are many beasts roaming the land, who wouldn’t hesitate to eat us alive. Life is hard in the desert. Here, we have it easy.”

“Just a story to ensure nobody ever realizes it’s better on the outside.” Fi thought.

After some more drinks, Fi went home to find their parents had already fallen asleep. While they had a brave face all night, the drinks came back and made their mark when Fi sat above the toilet throwing up after they stumbled inside.

Still, nobody was there to hold their hair back as they threw up their guts.