Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
♦ Memories From Before ♦

PT 391, DRU Headquarters
Fi was haunted by dreams of their parents again. Since they heard what Radio had said, the dreams turned into faithless mirages of who their parents were behind their back. Kai-So and Xo-Shi made fun of them behind their back. They sat back as the king ridiculed the slightest idea of their existence. A voice rang in their head, over and over again. It was a tangle of their voice and Dzo’s voice.
“We torment this society by being unfit for it. You are a constant reminder that your parents are unworthy. They should just get rid of you.”
Kitty walked into the glitch cafeteria. She had gone days without seeing Fi since what happened with Radio. She was just recovering from a cough that was caused by her head reattaching to her body. While she was used to limbs being severed from her body, the exceedingly complicated organs being severed caused a plethora of problems upon being reattached. Being an outsider without a home made Kitty feel like a glitch when she wasn’t on missions, while she had personal sleeping quarters, they weren’t very improved from the glitches.
She slept in a stuffy room with other outcasts who lacked homes. Like a homeless shelter, they slept in their own beds all lined in one room, Kitty would play in the roulette wheel when it came time to choose what to watch. There were DVDs from every known universe in stock. Even her own. So when the rare opportunity came up that she won, she’d always pick her comfort show from her universe. About a little girl who becomes obsessed with a virtual reality world.
She shyly skulked over to Fi’s jail cell, staying out of the view of other glitches, who already didn’t like her due to her outcast nature. Kitty knocked on the wall next to the jail bars, causing a long clang to ring across Fi’s room. They were pretending to sleep, they wiped away tears, pretending they were wiping their eyes of morning mucus.
“What’s up?” They beamed, trying not to make it obvious.
“Do you want to come and get some food?” She asked.
Fi and Kitty quietly served themselves some food. There was a small amount of glitches in the cafeteria, most were on missions or asleep. So it was quiet. They ate quietly and across from each other. Eventually, Kitty decided to get to the point.
“Jackie assigned you to me for this next mission. But I keep my word. I can partner you with someone else for your next mission if you’d like.”
“Oh-There’s no need for that. I like being your partner. What makes you say that?”
“I made a promise to you. Remember? If you didn’t like the mission with me, I’d assign you to someone else. I want you to be comfortable here, whether or not it’s with me. The greatest thing about DRU is that you get to recreate yourself. You can be whoever you want to be regardless of what happened in the world before. I wasn’t a good person in my last life, and I’m willing to bet that some of my negative tendencies from my last life carried over.”
Fi couldn’t imagine Kitty being some sort of horrible person in a past life. To them, this explained why Kitty was so subservient to DRU. Someone who tore themselves down can’t build themselves up with the shitty foundation built by DRU.
“If this is because Jackie suggested I follow you, it’s not for that. I hated you. You uprooted my society with DRU’s tech. What can I say? I don’t like change. This new normal is going to take a long time to get used to, but I wouldn’t mind having someone to help me out along the way, if you don’t mind.”
“Ha! I knew you had a heart.”
“Don’t push it.” Fi jeered. “What’s the next mission?”
______________________________________________________________________________
The howling wind kissed the cheeks of two old women. Buried in sand, the sisters pressed forward one step at a time. They had just traded with a nice young lady. A girl in the desert who was seemingly raised by wolves. When they happened upon her, she attempted to skewer the two of them with a spear.
“Berries?” Diana asked, pointing at the pile of berries she had secured from a tree. “Give us berries, and we give you meat! Meat!”
“M…Meat?” She stuttered.
Diana touched her young hands with her wrinkled hands.
“Berries, for meat!” Diana declared.
“She’s not going to understand you.”
The girl looked into Diana’s eyes, confused. Diana looked back caringly, besides, her old bones would do nothing to stop the beastly essence of the young lady. The girl gently dropped the berries into Diana’s hands. Holding her spear tightly. As promised, Diana handed over a large slab of cooked meat. The sisters slowly walked away, for the little girl to run away, thrilled to share the food with her wolf comrades.
“Why would you give meat for berries? That’s a totally unfair trade.” Raiya croaked.
“Don’t be such a downer. I want at least one youngling to remember me when I go.”
The siblings trekked through the Desert of sinkholes. The only thing that remained from the days of DRU were the badges that protected the sisters from falling into sinkholes. Their home was made out of a collection of machine parts that seemed to come from all types of different dimensions. It sat firmly over a sinkhole that had already existed. Some holes would open for years. They could stay for hundreds, even thousands of years if they were big enough. Inside was a shrine to the people they had lost throughout their lives. One of which was the long departed Asta. Worn biosphere stones sat in protective containers along the wall. Documenting a long history of exploration. They sat down at a tiny dinner table made for two and enjoyed some leftovers and berries.
“Want to hear something funny?” Diana asked. “I’ve been thinking of Father a lot. He’s been in my dreams. Memories of him and I.”
“Sounds like a nightmare.” Raiya jested. “Outlasting him is what I always dreamed of.”
“Raiya. We’ve had long lives. Cool adventures, great friends. But do you ever feel like you’re missing something?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve hoped that one day I’d have something other than stubbornness or spite to motivate me to go forward. I want to feel like I’m living. I hate to say it, but that feeling, it was there with Father. I was living, because I had something to fight for.”
Raiya smiled. All she could do was snicker and laugh. Diana looked back at her with puzzlement. This is serious! How can she laugh? Diana knew she hated her father, did it really go this deep?
“You lived in fear of that asshole so long that you’re still having dreams when you’re an old lady. It ain’t nothing different. You had nothing to “fight” for. You survived. I did too, for a while. Once it was over, it took a long time for the scars to fade. I had nightmares about him, y’know. Half the time he shot me in a different place. Sometimes my head. Then I would wake up. No kid deserves that from a father.”
“Kid? You don’t seem to care very much for the little girl. Why don’t we take her in?”
“She seems pretty happy with the wolves.”
“Come on, Raiya! It’d give us a new project!”
“Yeah. My favorite, raising a wolf-child.”
An alarm began blaring loudly. A sign like this meant that one of the sister’s traps had caught something. The two of them jumped up in anticipation. It had been years since one of their alarms went off successfully. They peeked out the door to see a woman trapped in the bubble-like containment field. She had an oversized DRU jacket on and a long ponytail. She struggled as she floated over to Raiya and Diana, who stood on the front porch of their house. Upon her arrival, the bubble popped and sending her floundering onto the ground.
“A thirty-something year old DRU agent? You’ve lasted a long time.” Raiya gloated.
Childishly, she closed her eyes and looked away as she cut off her arm and sent it rocketing towards the two of them. The necklace around Diana’s neck lit up as her arm was coated in a black, demon-like dragon arm. She picked the flying arm out of the air.
Despite being disembodied from her arm, she felt the rancorous ice that poured out of the dragon arm coat the outside and inside of her blood. It’s veins were turned into a tangle of frozen tundra, and then smashed into pieces when Diana crushed her arm.
“What’s your name?” Raiya asked, calmer than Diana.
“My name’s Kitty Alua! Please don’t kill me! I’m sorry!”
“Figures DRU sends a rookie.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the possessed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Fi still misses their parents, Kitty worries that Fi does not want to work with her, but they’re fine with her! Meanwhile, Raiya and Diana are old women and trapped in the desert, trying to survive, sorrowful that Asta died.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you wrote the way that Fi and Kitty connected, it’s nice that they are closer, but of course, Fi won’t ever forget about their home. I also like the way you wrote Raiya and Diana. I was wondering what happened to them and you know what…it’s kind of sad that they’re old and still trapped in the void. But I like that Raiya still doesn’t like their father, bitterness will last a long time.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fabulous chapter on how connections will grow and the sorrow that comes with older age! I see that I am getting to the finale and although I’m sad to see this story end, I know that there will be more adventures to come! I enjoyed reading this and…
I wish you a glorious day/night! ^v^
Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...
What The Black Eyes See...
Ooo, interesting! A quick check-in with Fi after their first Radio encounter, followed by the reappearance of Raiya and Diana?! I wasn't expecting that! Let's get into the details though.
Where The Dagger Points...
Plot and Pacing: I think you did very good here actually! We got to read about how Fi and Kitty have hit a sort of "calm" in their work, giving the perfect opportunity to check in with Raiya and Diana -and it looks like they've been through a lot after so much time! The ONLY thing I wanted to remark on was a very minor thing toward the beginning. It felt like you jumped immediately from telling us about Fi sleeping and dreaming, to Kitty in the cafeteria, and for a second there it's kind of easy to mix up who's where and doing what lol. I think it'd help if you added a little indicator to show that you swapped from focusing on Fi to focusing on Kitty, even something as minor as putting "meanwhile, Kitty walked into the glitch cafeteria..." Like I said, it's a very thing though!
And of course, this is just my opinion and I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt ~
Why The Grin Widened...
Descriptions and Setting: Getting to read about the environment Raiya and Diana have been stuck in, and how they've made due in their time there, was great. I love how their house is like an amalgamation of parts from different dimensions, it sounds cool and fits that region so well!
Action: I like how despite their age, Raiya and Diana seamlessly stopped Kitty's attack and put her in a vulnerable position. Not only was the method of blocking the attack really cool, but I thought it was a great way to show off the greater experience that the two have. It also touches on the idea that they must've learned a lot just surviving in such a harsh region.
Characterization: Oh man, we got a lot of great character moments here! To start, Kitty and Fi; it was great to see how Fi is processing what they heard from Radio. Between the manipulative gaslighting and recently going through an immense tragedy, it only makes sense that there would be some level of struggle. But at the very least, it seems like the moment of reflection has made them reconsider being so closed off with Kitty!
As for Kitty, her continued attempts to boost Fi's spirits are a great display of empathy on her part, maybe even sympathy as she gets into the idea of rebuilding herself with DRU. Interesting to think about >.>
And finally, Raiya and Diana...Even after all this time, they still fight over their father haha. That does show how deep the troubles ran, but understandably, it does seem like they've gotten tired of fighting over it, as their discussion was much more civil this time around. Diana's desperation to leave a mark on someone -anyone- in this desert also reflected the mental aspect of surviving in the desert; the struggle to find a purpose and not going through everything they have to just disappear. I'm very curious how they'll take to Kitty's presence!
Grammar and spelling: I don't have anything to say in this regard, so good job!
Reactions and Theories!: This isn't necessarily a theory, but I'm very curious how long it's actually been for Raiya and Diana. Not only because of the rapid change from seeing them as two new recruits to old women, but because the desert seems like a place where time may not be consistent. Furthermore, what led Kitty to finding them?? Hm...
That line hit hard; a very sad thing for Fi to consider, given the lengths Xo went to ensure they survived Joji's collapse. Seeing everything from an outside view, it's very clear that both parents cared a lot about Fi and were doing the best they could. But between the torment they faced and maybe a lack of understanding about what went on behind the king's doors, it makes sense why there would be at least a grain of doubt for Fi.
Great, great, great; Fi leveling with Kitty, keeping it honest, while also leaving room for a partnership! You can just sense that this is a big milestone for the two characters!
Not only does this leave some interesting hints about what they may have faced amid the desert, but this was a great moment of self-reflection for her, and shows us her desire for a purpose. It's a sad but very understandable struggle for the old woman that's easy to empathize with and I enjoyed that.
Our
MadThoughts...Overall, that was another great chapter!
The sisters lived in the Desert for 41 years, but their actual ages are 71, with Diana being 68 because she is the younger one between her and Raiya. They are OLD!
Time being funky in the Desert is interesting, but I am afraid of messing with time in my stories, time travel and other time-related stuff is a tough burden%u2026
I am happy you enjoyed this! I think I succeeded with making Raiya and Diana a bit more interesting than they used to be. Since they are from an old story I wrote, I wanted to challenge myself by bringing some old characters to interact with some of my newer ones. I think they have a bit more depth now!
So I read your story, and it was great. I could imagine most of the scenes and understood the concepts of this world. The pacing is well, a bit slow in the scene of the jail and glitches, but that wont be a problem I guess. Other than that, pacing seems good.
Some problems I noticed, that was, in some paragraphs the sentences are bit long enough. You should split it into two sentences. That would make the readers understand better.
Also, in the story, they use DVDs to watch shows, but in a sci fi world such as that where contantly outer dimensional and outer space things are coming and going, its a little unacceptable. The last part where Kitty rocketed her arm became a little confusing. Did she do it accidentally or she intended for it?
Also, you use "they" to specify people. Are you talking about a group of people or does someone identifies as"they"?
That's it, I don't have anything much to point out anymore. Those were all that came to my mind while reading the story.
If I offended you in any way, I'm sorry. I'm not a good critiquer and my native language is also mot English.
Will be looking forward for future parts of this story.
Thanks.
Thank you for the read! I agree with most of your critiques. I use they to specify the main character, Fi-So's gender because they don't identify as man nor woman.
I really appreciate the question of pacing! It's something I've been trying to work on and I think it is a bit all over the place for this story. If you are looking for future parts, there is one more part that is yet to be released. I am unsure if you've read earlier parts, and if you're interested, the rest of the Plague of the Desert story is in my folder of the same name. Don't feel pressured to leave reviews or anything, just letting you know!
Oh, and a warm welcome to YWS!