Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
♦ The Real Monster ♦
PT 391, Dimension Z-022
Radio’s voice sounded like it was coming through an old phone line. It was deepened and distorted. They stood in a circle around Kitty, staring down at her.
“Funny for you to think this universe could ever be inhabited by humans. They have all the time in the world and they can’t even make up with themselves. It’s why they all went extinct. Planting a radio core here was easy, all I have to do is suck up enough energy, and that’s it for the two of you.” Radio gloated.
“How do you know Kitty?”
“We’ve met before, and you are…Fi-So Dano. Another glitch added to DRU’s library. You want to escape, don’t you? Being restricted in society, again? It hurts, doesn’t it?”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know about Joji’s culture. You being intersex, it made it really hard, didn’t it? DRU made you join their cause because you were shunned by your people. Didn’t matter once that sandstorm went down. You can join a cause that really benefits you if you join me.”
“How can you expect me to do that?”
“I breed new life for a world without DRU. Chaos cannot be controlled, it’s why I find it so laughable.”
The circle of Radios stood scattered around Kitty and Fi, who stood back-to-back. The primary Radio, the one who had been talking to the two of them began to shift into a new form again. Their skin was scaly like a reptile’s, and her legs transmuted into four long tentacles that they stood with. Their arms were disfigured, starting small at their shoulders and growing to a large size by the time it reached the hand.
The words that Radio had explained shot through Fi’s mind. They didn’t like DRU. They had no autonomy in the place they were in, and were possibly fated to be doing this for the rest of their life the more they thought about it.
“We have to get out of here, Fi.”
Kitty searched her body, only to come up with nothing. She patted her coat down in every spot she could imagine, desperately trying to find her biosphere stone. She looked up, to see a painted-on grin of Radio’s.
“Are you missing something? We took it off of you over on the neighboring asteroid.”
“Call for help…!” Fi whispered.
“If you are going to get in my way anymore, I’ll have to stop you.”
Bang!
Radio’s head blew into rocky pieces as the red material they were made of was blown into bits by Kitty’s handgun.
“The only thing we can do is fight” Kitty muttered.
Kitty grabbed Fi’s hand and made a beeline through the army of Kittys.
“This’ll be weird, grab onto my arm!”
Kitty came to a sliding stop and in one swift motion she sliced her arm off with her knife. It shot off like a rocket, pulling both Fi and Kitty further and further away from Radio. Fi’s sight became twisted and stretched as they jumped to the nearby asteroid. The red glow creeping up on them could only mean one thing, an army of the crimson red Kitty’s did the same.
Radio appeared on a nearby asteroid in their normal form. Kitty realized that the tracker she was holding began to beep fervently upon being pointed at Radio.
“The Radio core’s there!” Kitty announced.
“Let’s go! Make it quick!”
Fi’s hair flared up in a bright blonde glow. They slammed their fist into the surface of the asteroid, a massive shockwave sending them flying towards the Radio core. Kitty followed. Upon landing, they were perplexed by the giant red rock embedded into the asteroid like a tick rooted in the skin. Still, the army of red soldiers followed in a zombie-like fashion.
“What do we do about them?!” Fi probed.
The original Radio was gone, behind them was the red rock as they stood ready to face Kitty’s reflections. Radio’s giant hand slowly broke through the surface of the Radio core and extended like a blade. Straight into Kitty’s neck. Fi only noticed as the blood from Kitty spewed up and floated into space with a beautiful flow. Radio stepped out of the core and picked up Kitty’s limp head.
“Cutting off her head will only leave her stunned. All you’ll have to do is reattach it. Now we can talk in peace.”
The Kitty copies stood around Radio and Fi in a circle once again.
“This is supposed to be us talking in peace?”
“Fine, fine.”
The Kitty copies melted into nothing, they turned into a red sludge, and slithered back into the Radio core. It grew slightly in size upon it’s entrance.
“Listen to me, Fi-So. I don’t want to hurt any innocents. The only group I plan on hurting is DRU. Dimensions must be corrupted for a reason. So DRU can be destroyed.”
“I am listening. I hate DRU as much as the next guy. But I don’t know if they all deserve to die.”
“Of course they do! We can stop their reign of terror. Let me tell you something that may change your mind. Years ago, there was a man who ruled over your land. The only name he’s known by is The Lord. He had the special ability to be able to generate dimensions from thin air. Dimensions cannot be created or destroyed, but they can be silenced. Just like this poor dimension.” Radio explained.
“Did you silence this dimension?”
“No. Life is a rare thing, y’know? Maybe there was life in this universe once, now, there is nothing. It’s a simple cause of nature. I hoped that more than two DRU soldiers would come running, and it’s even worse that one is a glitch. The only reason you are alive is because you’re from the desert. If a dimension doesn’t belong, DRU silences it. Guess what happened to all the universes The Lord created?”
Radio rolled up some dust and blew on it lightly. Contained in each piece of sand was a life that was snuffed out by DRU because they didn’t like what someone made. The thought was staggering to Fi. Millions, maybe billions of lives were snuffed out by DRU.
“I don’t want to kill anybody. Simple as that.”
“You will if you stay with DRU. It’ll get easier once you get past the first.”
“What are my two choices then? Be stuck with DRU, or be stuck with you, who routinely dooms civilizations?”
Radio got more and more desperate. “I have access to DRU technologies. These dimensions are in fact real, but they run on a network. A network I am looped into. Radio cores do silence civilizations, but only temporarily. It’s a tempering of a flame, not extinguishment. Do you want to do the work of a self-righteous glitch the rest of your life? This happens everytime, they get attached to someone, and it stops them. I want you to join me for your betterment. Do you not get that?”
“I…understand. I guess it won’t hurt to test out my options, but I have one request, keep Kitty alive.”
Radio scoffed under their breath. “Your wish is granted.”
Fi held out their hand. “It’s a deal.”
Radio smiled. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”
Fi and Radio shook hands.
“Now, send Kitty back.”
Radio searched for the biosphere stone they had stolen.
“Where did I even steal this from?” Fi taunted. “I know I can’t beat you, but years as an outcast in Joji makes you pretty good at stealing.”
“You're just like the rest of them. I see how you separated yourself from those who hail from Joji. But you are just as naive as your parents. They may have raised you, but why didn’t they stop the bullying?”
The light engulfed Fi and Kitty. Before they could even process what Radio had said, they were back in DRU HQ. They knelt down to the scrambled remains of Kitty. She picked up Kitty’s head.
“Gross and weird…” They thought as they placed the head on.
Kitty awoke in a state of hacking and coughing. The cut around her neck slowly cleared itself up. She sat on her knees with her hands on the ground choking up a lung. She looked up at Fi, who was holding the biosphere stone.
“What happened…?”
“I wasn’t able to destroy the core. But we escaped.”
A woman with long pink hair and an eyepatch came out of seemingly nowhere, clapping for Fi. She helped Kitty up and stood dejectedly towards Fi, who was on one knee helping Kitty up.
“Bravo! You really worked Radio for a second there! That’s valuable information. I should’ve known they were roped into the DRU network.”
“Who are you?” Fi asked.
“Jackie. You’re a pretty useful glitch. I’m the big boss around here. You should feel honored.” Jackie knelt down to Fi’s level. “A little birdie told me you wanted to move up in DRU. Stay with Kitty here, and maybe you can ride her coattails.” She mocked.
Something about Jackie made Fi want to punch her face in.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Fi and Kitty run into Radio, they both try to destroy the radio core, but Radio slices Kitty’s head off and tries to get Fi to join their cause! Fi says yes, but they played a trick on Radio and stole the biosphere stone! Radio is upset and teleports Fi and Kitty back to DRU and then, Jackie greets Fi and Kitty…but seems to mock them. Fi absolutely hates her, but hey, they’re all alive, so that’s good, right?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like the conversation that Fi and Radio had. It really seemed like Fi was going to join Radio for a second, but then, they went and turned on Radio! The description of the Radio core and Kitty’s blood pouring up into space is absolutely stunning cinematic detail, and the drawing of Radio and the sky is very beautiful too!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fabulous chapter on choosing whether to break down and keep going, I’ve enjoyed reading this! I hope that Fi and Kitty will be able to defeat Radio someday, but after reading all the stories, it seems impossible to get rid of Radio. Well, I’ll just have to wait and see…
I wish you a terrific day/night! ^v^
A Fated Meeting :
Hello Hello, it seems we have crossed paths and I dare to say that this was Destiny. Without further ado, I am Moonlily and today I will be using my Everboundain method. Let’s deconstruct this tapestry of words, shall we?
Fate’s First Look:
Overall I found this an interesting read although I will admit I did plan to read the updates as they came. I hope you can forgive me for skipping ahead and not having full context. As always this was rich with lore and world building not to mention action. Side note This is my first real exposure to Kitty's powers and they are pretty cool, there's lots of potential.
There also seems to be quite a conflict going on. Neither choice seems any less morally gray and that will put Fi in a tough spot going onwards. I am excited to see what morals they stick by and if their upbringing will affect them further. It's always hard to pick the lesser of two shady evils.
The Radio might have a point with its last though I cant wait to see how that will affect Fi as well.
An Occult Standing Ovation:
To start I want to praise just how vast your plots are. From what I can gather they're all interconnected and play out in the same larger narrative not only is that a lot to manage but You give us peaks into so many different worlds. That is a feat that takes a lot of time and can be hard for even big brands to do!
Not only that but you do such a good job coming up with creative powers and fast-paced action. It helps balance out the lore and mundane things we see without one overshadowing the other.
I love this it helps with the idea that this is an almost Lovecraftian-like being. It makes the radio threatening and eerie without telling the reader that they should be afraid. Honestly, a shapeshifting hive mind is horrifying.
This is such good imagery I honestly love it, It feels so mystical almost ethereal but done in a way that stays within the current plot.
Guidance Of The Tarot Deck:
Now let's move into what the deck has to say. Of course, everything can be improved and I am not a professional nor do you have to do anything I say. You are the author after all.
A small thing I want to point out is the fact Fi didn't react to Kitty cutting off her arm. Now unless I missed it here or this has happened before I think this is the first time she's done it around Fi. I feel that warrants a bit of panic or fear or possibly trying to stop Kitty. especially since she tells Fi this going to be weird, kitty knows that this might get some reaction out of them. It feels odd to me that they just go with it and don't emote even if this is in the middle of a fight.
Other than that I have a few small things I want to bring up here. Firstly I think that some lines can be streamlined a touch.
I would streamline this into something a tad punchier.
Furthermore some of Radios dialogue feels a bit overwhelming. I would break it up using an action in between them to make it flow better. For example :
could become something like this.
I also fixed a small typo as well.
Wrapped Up With A Soulmate String:
Regardless I enjoyed this peek into your worlds I promise to one day read the rest. However, It seems our meeting is over and I pray we will cross paths again. before I go I want to say a few things.
Happy RevMo, I hope you're doing well. As always keep writing and drink water!
Hello Again, My Friend!
About time I caught up on this story, right? Lol anyway, it's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! I'm currently testing out a new review tactic as well, so I hope it's to your liking! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...
What The Black Eyes See...
Wow; just wow! This chapter really had me engulfed! The way Kitty and Fi engaged with Radio had me feeling anxious, wondering if one of them would take the bait. As well as that awesome bit of action, that last-minute turnaround was great, and the conclusion of this chapter has me both curious and annoyed for Fi. Let's get into the details though.
Where The Dagger Points...
Not much to put here! Let's break it down;
Grammar and Spelling; There were only two very minor things I picked up on in this regard.
I think you're missing a comma between "fight" and the quotation mark. One more here...
Since the possessive form of "it" is "its," I don't think you need the apostrophe there.
That's all! And of course, this is just my opinion and I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt. Your chapter was still great!
Why The Grin Widened...
Plot and Pacing; I thought you handled this aspect very well! You had a very nice balance between action and dialogue here, every new part of either building tensions and anticipation for what happens next, until we hit that "quick escape" ending -with enough uncertainty between Radio's words and what we know about DRU to keep us wondering what will happen next!
Descriptions and Setting; Great! While specifics about the setting in this chapter were a little bit lacking, I do remember that most of the descriptions were covered in the previous chapter so that's hard to judge. Maybe, if anything, adding a quick refresher like "They stood in a circle around Kitty, staring down at her as they stood in the Radio-infested asteroid city," but that's extremely minor and nitpicky so please take that with an extra grain of salt (could also just be a "me" problem since I took forever to get here lol).
That tidbit aside, your descriptions were great! I love that eerie feeling you get, imagining the army of red Kittys, and the form Radio took on to communicate. By extension, even with these very unique and totally out-of-this-world concepts, you write it all in a way that's easy to understand and visualize for us readers, and that's very impressive
Action; LOVED it! A big chunk of this I'll put down in the "Reactions" section, but you did great on the action segments in this chapter! Again, everything is clear and easy for us to understand, and I mean...it's just so cool!! I mean, Kitty's arm-rocket maneuver, Fi's explosion, Radio tearing Kitty's head off to try and trick Fi; ah! Awesome!
It's also great that you keep such a balanced power scale! Fi didn't immediately go from a DRU newbie to the army-shredding bada** we saw in Shattered Gravity. The many questions make them seem inexperienced, and the skills they do employ clearly come from their time in Joji rather than out of the blue. And Radio being tricked by underestimating the newbie, rather than being directly overpowered, was a good way of showing that it has the upper hand in terms of power -by a longshot. I really liked that aspect of the conflict, and it made for great storytelling!!
Characterization; As is so often the case in this story, the characters really shone through! Kitty being so quick to fight felt very in line with her character, and I was really drawn in by the dialogue between Radio and Fi. Radio's attempts to convince Fi that it is the "good guy" felt very manipulative -a trait that immediately makes any antagonist feel even more dangerous. Especially due to Fi's inexperience with this monster and DRU as an entity, and the way their past was weaponized, I couldn't help genuinely wondering if they would be convinced to "join the dark side" for a moment, but their wit and firm understanding that Radio is no saint proved me wrong and was awesome to see. I also like how, despite their many questions, Fi keeps that familiar calm and bold-faced attitude throughout the whole ordeal. Again, very in-line with their character.
Radio, as I mentioned, may display traits of overconfidence or even arrogance, which can be weaponized, but also strong manipulation. And their power is clearly nothing to be laughed off. Great work portraying this mysterious entity!
Reactions and Theories!;
Both of these moments just really packed a punch! I love that you got to feature some abilities from both Kitty and Fi in this chapter. Not only was it just so cool to read, but between Kitty's more strategic abilities and Fi's more abrasive, prone-to-exploding abilities, I can imagine so many ways in which they would make a really kicka** duo with some more time and training!
This had me like "WhAt?!?!" Should've figured they had other plans in mind, but it definitely makes you anxious for a good minute!
Oh boy, that second line is very agreeable XD This condescending attitude from Jackie just reinforced the way glitches are seen and treated in DRU; even though Fi did so well, short of destroying the Radio core, it gets laughed off and mocked. And that mention of "riding in on Kitty's coattails" tells us that this really is a deep-seated issue in DRU, and there's bound to be more trouble for Fi (as if there wasn't enough already T-T)
Our
MadThoughts...Overall, that chapter was awesome! Nicely done!
AAA thank you for the review! Your new style of reviewing is really great! I appreciat how much more in-depth it goes. Though, your reviews before were still already more than I would expect. You really go above and beyond with your work and I really love it <3
I also appreciate the praise for my action. I used to overwrite my action scenes a lot in my older stuff, and I am happy that the effort I put in to make it more quick and succinct helped!
Yay, I'm glad you like my new format (and I appreciate you saying that <3)! And no problem!