Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
♦ Epicene ♦
(DISCLAIMER, MENTIONS OF SU*CIDE)
PT 382, The Desert of Sinkholes
Fi was laid down on their couch. Their mother wrapped their leg delicately in a sling and instructed Fi to change into something comfortable. The rules weren’t quite as binding in the home, or at least that is what they said. They were given clothes, and instructed to bathe the dirt and grime off of their body. The water creaked through the pipes and into the tub. They lay in the bathtub, it was times like this that they hated. Times where they were able to see their whole body exposed. They saw their face distorted in the reflection of the faucet. They had a fat lip, a large cut over their eyebrow, and a bruise fattening their cheek.
“I look like a monster.” Fi thought as Dzo’s words repeated in their head.
Kai-So sat in her work-study. Fi hobbled over, adorned in some oversized PJ’s. They sat in a rolling chair and oversaw their mother’s work as they always did. Kai-So was a seamstress. Her job was to distribute plague suits and masks to Joji Prefecture’s citizens. So whenever Fi would get caught-up in fights, she would repair destroyed clothes.
“You didn’t start the fight, right, Fi-So? You know you must be honest.”
“No, of course I didn’t start any fight.” Fi sneered
“Then why were you outside in the first place?”
“I was…it doesn’t matter. I just needed some air.”
Their mother looked over disapprovingly. Her face was washed of it’s usual color as she realized what Fi might’ve been planning. It screamed fear of what her child might do to herself if she doesn’t try her best. In an instant, her face lit up. Full of energy.
“I know how you’ll answer this, we’ve been over it before. So let me humor myself. You don’t feel comfortable in your own skin, right, Fi-So?”
“Well, I-”
Kai-So interjected. “Our society doesn’t offer much in terms of freedom. Maybe one day you’ll be able to wear this if we change some of our rules.”
She went to her closet. It was filled with all types of silks other than just black and white. She pulled out a new garment.
“You don’t fit into a society ruled wholly by gender, and I don’t know if it is a good idea to wear this in public, but I wanted you to have it anyway. I just finished it while you were in the bath.”
Their mother held up a black and white poncho. With a plague mask to match. The skill it took to manually sew it together was unparalleled. Its beauty almost drew Fi to tears. It had white accenting the sides, with a large patch of black in the middle. Comfortable fur lined the inside of the garment. Topped off with a beautifully constructed plague mask.
“I made it out of our stronger material, so it won’t be ripping anytime soon.”
Kai-So handed it over to Fi. Who felt it’s soft inside. The seams were tenderly sewn together with a dexterity and precision that only their mom had. The pain it must’ve been to find the one-of-a-kind materials for the piece made their heart hurt.
“Thank you mom. I…don’t know if I have the words.”
“I accept payment in hugs?” She smiled.
______________________________________________________________________________
Later in the day, Fi’s father returned from work. He was covered from head-to-toe in sweat and dust. He ripped off his mask and ran a bath. Their father was the loyal Xo-Shi, assistant to the king of Joji Prefecture. The rules require that the father is given the final say on what to do with the child when it is born. Pasifictic by nature, Xo-Shi could not stand to see something happen to his child, even if they were considered deformed by the society’s standards. Some days, Fi resented their father for this.
Once he was clean and out of the shower, he called everyone to the kitchen to help with dinner. It was considered honorable to help out with dinner once the entire family was home. Fi didn’t eat a speck of food until everyone was home as protocol suggested. This was one of the rules that Fi enjoyed. It kept them close to their family. Everyday they would work together, they had to learn how to tolerate each other if they were to live under one roof together.
It was silent at the dinner table as the family scarfed their food down, Xo-Shi had been late that day. He smiled proudly at his wife and child. Fi looked up and smiled back.
“What has you all smiles today, Daddy?”
“Kai-So finally gave you her gift. Isn’t it nice?”
“Yeah. I love it.”
“Do you want to go for a walk with me after our meal, Fi-So?”
Fi seemed hesitant, even though their day had gone better since yesterday, every time they left the house it was like walking into a battlefield. A wandering stare could turn into a beatdown at any moment, and it was never a fair fight. Fi was always met by a shower of whirling voices and stones rather than just the one.
Their father seemed to know this was on their mind. “Don’t worry, nobody will bother us, I’m the king’s assistant, we won’t be bothered.”
After dinner, Kai-So shut herself into her office to get back to work, and Fi was forced back into their regular plague mask outfit. The daily rush seemed to calm down, many of the plague masks had barricaded themselves back into their houses, so Xo-Shi and Fi were given freedom to explore the vast hallways and corridors. While Fi hated their society for what they did to them, they had to admit, the faceless architecture became more admirable without others around. It was built meticulously with each brick. Every measurement made perfect to make their ideal society work in the chaotic desert.
Kai-So walked them into the center of town, now devoid of life except for a few shopkeepers cleaning up. The two stood side by side, looking up at the weather vane.
“If the beak turns east, I go home, if it stays west, then I…”
Fi’s heart turned and skipped a beat as they heard their father echo the same words they uttered last night. Their lip quivered, about to ask how he would’ve known that information, he answered before they even had the chance.
“I have connections, we interrogated the boys who hurt you last night. They won’t be doing anything like that anymore. They were exceptionally hard to find. We’ve been chasing after those brats for many years. We finally caught them, for you.”
“Does anyone else know why they were bullying me?”
“No. I took care of it myself and had some close work acquaintances help me out.”
“Dad, I am thankful for all of this, but is it really going to make a change?”
“I’m going to make a change for you! It’s only a matter of time. I can’t stand watching you be beaten day in and day out. Every week it’s a new injury! A fractured lip, bruised eye. How long until it gets so bad you…”
Silence. It sounded like even the sandstorm around the town stopped.
“We can’t do that much about the rules that are set in place. I can try and change them, but it’s only a matter of time until I’m replaced with someone new. The king doesn’t even seem to like me.”
“You’ve been doing such a good job as the king’s assistant, no matter how much of a douche he is. If you have the same excitement you have everyday you come home to meet Mom and I, I’m sure he’ll love you, no matter how extreme your opinions are.” Fi consoled.
“Dammit, I didn’t come here for you to make me feel better.”
Xo-Shi’s eyes glistened as he looked up at the darkening sky. Fi sat next to him on the stairs facing away from the weather vane. Looking into the now empty town square. He took his plague mask off and laid it next to him. He proceeded to reach around Fi’s head to and took their mask off. This would ordinarily startle Fi. But they let him pull it off without much resistance. It felt like their father could fight one-hundred bullies.
“Do you mind if I tell you a story, Fi?”
“Lay it on me.”
“When I was young, I was staying over with a friend of mine. After a wild night, we laid down to bed. As I was settling down, he came over to me with a dark expression on his face. He was saying things like “I don’t know what I’m living for” and “I want to die”. For the first time in a while, I was stunned. I had no idea what to say. I knew it would be quite irresponsible to say something like “you got this pal!” to someone who was really suffering. So I told him something like “I don’t know what to say. But, if you’re really hurting, you should try and get some professional help.” I tried my best to be careful with the words I used. About a month or so later, I heard that he had taken his own life. I won’t deny, it’s best to seek professional help, however, If I was approached with this conundrum today, I’d want to answer in my own way. “I would be sad if you were to pass away”. I don’t know if those were the words that my comrade had to hear, but I want everyone to know they deserve love, even if nobody gives it, they deserve it in some capacity. Do you understand what I am trying to say?” He finally asked.
“I…Think so.”
They stared off into space again. Xo-Shi seemed hesitant to speak. Fi watched his eyes pace around in worry of what Fi’s next thought might be.
“I couldn't really do it. What do you think pushes someone to do something like that?” Fi asked.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Kai makes Fi a plague suit that fits more with their gender (soo sweet but I wish they could wear it out of the house), Fi and Xo-Shi talk about a lost life and the King’s rules, and there may be some love, but still, there’s something broken, something missing.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Xo-Shi mentions twice that they will not be bothered because he is the King’s assistant. I feel like it’s fine mentioned once, but these are just my thoughts.
Chocolate Bar - I like that Fi’s parents seem to care about them and the fact that Kai made the male/female suit for her child is just…that’s so sweet, I love it! The conversation that Fi and their father have is a little sad, but needed and full of love. It’s nice to know that in a harsh society, there is still love and kindness.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a thoughtful chapter on how deep the connections of loved ones can go, but also how long guilt can hang in hearts. I enjoyed reading this and…
I wish you an enchanting day/night! ^v^
Hello Again, My Friend!
Hehe, hopefully you're not sick of my face yet. I finally got a slow day, so I was hoping to catch up on this story and review as much as I can! I don't know if I can read as far as chapter 6, but I'm gonna try! And as always, I will be using my Familiar method. Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...
What The Black Eyes See...
Wow, what a sobering chapter! It gave us an even more personal view of Fi's life, from glimpses of their deepest struggles, to how they relate to their family. I enjoyed the extra content about Kai-So, and the introduction of Xo-Shi was great! Let's get into the details though.
Where The Dagger Points...
I didn't really have anything to complain about in this chapter! There was just one thing I noticed pop up a couple of times that i thought I would put here, and it's a very minor nitpick.
Since "it's" with an apostrophe is the shortened form of "it is" or more rarely "it has," I think it may read a little nicer to remove the apostrophe. "Kai-So handed it over to Fi, who felt its soft inside." That's all! Great writing job!
Why The Grin Widened...
I'm very fascinated by what was explained in the beginning, starting with this line here:
Fi's mother was at least willing to dress their wounds and make them comfortable after a very hard day, implying that even if she comes off as rough -like telling Fi to shut up in the last chapter- she does genuinely care about her child's wellbeing. But the second part of this seems so uncertain, with the mention of looser rules -supposedly. It really caught my attention and got me thinking...
In my optimist view, I want to read this as Kai-So genuinely caring like I said and wanting Fi to have a place in their society, but like Fi themself, she is in a tight spot due to the culture, which forces her to abide by certain rules they may both disagree with, and it always comes down to the hard choice of ensuring Fi is happy and has their own place, or getting them to "blend in" and keep their head down so they won't face so much scrutiny. And sadly, to Fi, this makes them uncertain whether the more lax and accepting nature in the house is genuine.
In my pessimist view, to put it simply, Kai-So does want to love them, but being a part of this strict culture, including the belief that Fi is something monstrous, there's this rift that's just making it hard -if not impossible- to fully accept them. And even though Fi is unhappy, she doesn't want to let up on the pressure for them to blend in or at least keep their head down.
Those are my two theories created from...literally two lines, haha. Even taking in the rest though, between the wariness about Fi starting the fight in contrast to the gift, it's hard to make a final judgment and either assumption here could be wrong. Regardless, that is a symbol of good character construction, for both Fi and Kai!
Between the sense of dysmorphia they expressed in the bathtub, and this awful muttering, it's hard to not empathize with Fi. It's a very sad situation they're in, where they've become so miserable that they even believe people like Dzo's words and have such trouble just looking at themself.
Aw, so it was Kai who gave them the distinctive poncho. Especially with Fi's reaction, this was such a sweet moment to brighten up the chapter a bit ~
Ah, Fi's father is introduced now! I have to saw, initial impressions are that he's a very hard worker, whether it's personal dedication or the pressure of this culture. Although, I did have a minor heartbreak moment when I read this:
It's sweet that Xo cares about Fi regardless of their nature, but it does speak even more to the sadly strict order that this fantasy culture has, and reading how Fi sometimes wishes that Xo didn't make the choice he did just showed us even more of the personal struggle they've been facing for so long.
Another bittersweet line; very sweet that there's at least one "rule" Fi can enjoy, as it leads to family time, but there's still a downtrodden tone with the way they explain is as just "learning to tolerate" each other. Nevertheless, it was another nice point to add for a bit of balance, showing us that even in such a miserable town, there are still positive moments that can be made with their family.
This is a good way to describe what a "walk around the village" is like from their perspective.
After watching Fi fishing out the positive moments in this life, like family time and the beauty of the village, this gives the reader -and hopefully Fi themself- a lot of hope for things to improve. When reading Xo repeat the words from the first chapter, I was afraid they'd be in trouble, but as it changes to tracking down Dzo and reprimanding him, it creates a very nice change of pace.
I loved this!! The determination to protect his child, so strong that he'll challenge the whole village to give them a place -it gives me such a good impression of Xo and strong hope that he'll be able to make that change. But something tells me there's going to be trouble before he can...which I dread...
Lol, very cute and relatable moment.
Xo's story was so tragic and understandable, as I imagine especially in a culture like this, it'd be hard to know what to say or how to react in that situation. And seeing how Fi is treated, with that sort of trauma, it's understandable why he would be afraid for them. Especially when they ask that question at the end, it creates this very grim but emotional moment.
Our
MadThoughts...Overall, that was an awesome chapter to give us a deeper look into Fi's family; where the points of contention may lie, and how they relate to each other. Nicely done!
Aww thank you for the review!
Your reviews truly never get old, it makes me very happy that you are interested in my little stories! I am astonished to see that those who have read this story get such a good idea of Fi%u2019s parents' roles! I am really happy that people can understand and see the complexities of Fi%u2019s family life.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this is a lovely follow up chapter here to that opening sequence. Fi does have the support of quite a cohesive little family unit here despite what those bullies had to say and what people did after.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well looks like poor Fi is feeling the effects of this alright, not just physically but mentally from the state its left them in. The poor thing really needs a nice long hug from someday or some reassurance at the very least that their mother wasn't exactly the quickest to provide.
Hmmm this is an interesting moment. On one hand Fi's mother isn't exactly being as reassuring as she ought to be but it seems she notices the finer detail of this before its too too late and then does in fact come up with something there to the effect of actually giving Fi the help that Fi currently really needs beyond just the medical help.
Ahh there we go, looks like Fi was finally able to feel accepted more in the way they would want to be and Kai-So proves that she is in fact a loving mother despite a few rougher patches in the earlier couple of parts here.
Well that's just the most adorable moment ever right there. Love the way that was brought to life here. I think it does a wonderful job of bringing that to life and showcasing the connection the two of them do share deep down under it all.
Hmm Xo-Shi seems like quite the specimen there, almost in that vein of being a slightly blind follower of the rules and traditions of the society they live in but still not willing to stoop to anything truly bad. You can see why Fi finds that just a little bit exasperating.
Well it looks like Xo-Shi has some sort of idea in mind there that has gotten him in all smiles and looking rather proud too and it would appear this new outfit was going to heavily factor into that too. I think its a lovely little way to introduce this here although I have my concerns about how this is actually going to play out now.
Hmm well it seems a rare beautiful moment for Fi where he's not getting attacked for the crime of existing. Nice to see that there is something to this place when horrible people aren't around making it look terrible.
Oooh so that's what had the Dad all happy. Well I am most delighted to see this. The Dad really coming through and looking out so much. Well I was expecting many things after the way he was introduced but this certainly was not one of them. Looks like maybe this family really is very good for each other at the core even if on the surface there are a few issues.
Ahh this is such a beautiful little moment here, the father working so hard to help the child and as the little insecurities the father have come up, the help comes right back, really doubling down on the idea of a good strong familial core here.
Hmm looks like we're about to have ourselves a close moment here, between the two of them now that they've been just a little bit vulnerable with each other after that conversation that they shared.
Ooooh it looks like Xo-Shi has some first hand of experience of someone really pushed right past the brink and is now trying to ensure poor Fi doesn't go down that road and it seems at least for the moment the response here is at least a good one.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall a strong part two here. I am really loving the way Fi is being developed and even more so for Fi's family. They seem like a really wholesome little trio so far.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Aww, thank you for the great review! I am happy you picked up on the relationships between Fi and their parents. I actually did not realize I made her mother seem somewhat negligent at first, but I think it serves to help their family seem more realistic!
Hello Hello, I am back with another review. I will apologize as this will be a very quick one that won't go in as much depth as my last. It has nothing to do with the quality of the work rather my brain is a bit fried from a cold. Regardless I hope this review in some way could be a little helpful. Without further ado let's get into this, shall we?
Overall I liked this part the slow pace and down-to-earth nature contrast with the first one well. I am also glad both the mother and father seem to care about their kid, it's refreshing to have healthy supportive families in queer stories ( Not trying to offend anyone it's just a blanket term I myself am comfortable using.) Often both in fiction and real life it can be quite the opposite sadly.
Both the scene with the mother giving them the gift and the talk with their father was touching. It never overstayed its welcome but lingered long enough to hit the reader in the feels. Not only does it broaden the world but poses further questions that might keep the reader wanting to come back for those answers. I for one am very curious about the other cloured silks since society seems to be focused on only black and white.
With that being said however there is some feedback I would like to give.
The first isn't necessary as the moments work just fine as is but if changed to flashbacks, they might have more impact. I am mostly talking about the parts explaining why the partner kept Fi and the story of the friend. I don't know exactly how both would work flow-wise but getting to see the pressure the father was under could make it hit a lot harder. it could be as simple as a short sence showing people whispering about how Fi was " wrong " and him not letting them die or a young man awkwardly trying to help his buddy without knowing how.
Likewise, I feel slowing down the moment their mother finds out what Fi was trying to do could also make the feelings come across as a lot more powerful. Even if it was small things like Fi fumbling for words or adverting their gaze. Maybe describing a pause in the conversation that lets the silence ring out or the mother dropping what she was working on could really drive it home.
Now onto a few small line edits I would make. Please do keep in mind these are just my thoughts and don't have to be used.
"They had a fat lip, a large cut over their eyebrow, and a bruise fattening their cheek." Although there's nothing technically wrong with the use of fatting/ fat without much in between can come off as a bit awkward. Perhaps try something like this. " They had a fat lip, a large cut over their eyebrow, and a bruise swelling on their cheek."
" So whenever Fi would get caught-up in fights, she would repair destroyed clothes." Once again this is fine but I feel it could help the flow by having a few changes " So whenever Fi would get caught up in fights, she would repair the destroyed clothes."
Lastly, for this one, I would get rid of the bother us at the end since it doesn't need to be said twice. " Don’t worry, nobody will bother us, I’m the king’s assistant, we won’t be bothered.” Could become." Don’t worry, nobody will bother us, I’m the king’s assistant after all. "
Regardless I enjoyed this read and cant wait to see more.
Keep writing and drink water!
Thank you for the comments and feedback! I am happy you noticed I tried to make their family seem more supportive (in contrast to most Queer stories,lol). I do agree that flashbacks could make certain points stand out, but Fis parents are not actually that "important" to the story. Plus, there are some flashbacks coming soon...