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The Study of Spiral Galaxies

by fortis


no one is the maze. the minotaur half-masted, speaks no evil, if not always looking it. & the way you twine your fingers through your hair is like a scripture i’ve memorized to help me through times of doubt, but even you are not the maze. broken bird wings flutter, like chimes set to an acid rain zephyr. sticks & stones broke my home & words became my opium. things left unsaid thrusted through fast-food drive-ins while the rain slants at the pavement, exacting a vendetta i can relate to on a blood level. but you don’t understand the difference between a pothole & a potholder, which shouldn’t really matter, but last night i had a dream where you left forever & now i’m having a hard time not slanting my own self at the sidewalk from one hundred stories above. rain falls from a much higher height. days like this remind me that i’ve never glimpsed the maze from above, despite our intimacy. & through all this, i can't find my way out. where is my golden thread? Where is ariadne? or was it andromeda? Have we ever even seen our own spiral galaxy from above? how can we find our way out of this place? but making bloody soup in a pothole bowl is not the exit of the maze… i think…


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120 Reviews


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Sun Aug 28, 2016 9:38 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



Hello! Ripple here on this lethargic Review Day. (At least, I'm feeling lethargic...)

This a very interesting and unique poem. Like Poopsie said, it feels rather disjunctive, but that's not a bad thing as far as poetry is concerned. What really bothers me, however, is how confused I am after reading this. I caught the various references to the labyrinth throughout, and those seemed fairly straightforward, but the rest of it doesn't make sense. While I definitely think that you shouldn't hit the reader over the head with your message, this just seems too out there for someone to understand. Granted, I don't always have the best sense of meaning, but I'd like to think that I am fairly proficient.

You seem to go with no capitalization for most of the poem, but towards the end you capitalize a few. If there's meaning behind that, I don't see it. With how consistently you do it in the rest of the poem, I can't help but feel that it was an oversight. Try to be consistent with your capitalization.

Overall, it was fairly intriguing, but ultimately out of my depth. It has a very nice style to it, though. Keep writing!




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62 Reviews


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Sat Aug 20, 2016 7:58 pm
Poopsie wrote a review...



Hi!

This, at least to me is a very unorthodox form of poetry, and to be honest, I'm not sure it works very well as it is. The formatting gives off a very quick and jumbled mood. It makes it hard to follow.

Ok, so when I said the formatting doesn't work. I didnt mean it couldn't be fixed. I think if you spread out the lines a little it would be fine. Other than that, the only other problem I have with this is the imagery. I love your imagery, each line seems to add on to the next seamlessly, but that's all the poem is. In my opinion, imagery is only one quarter of a poem. You need have some sort of clarifier. Something that can make the reader understand where you're going with all this, because otherwise it looks like you just put a bunch of sweet sounding lines together and called it a day.


I know this sounds like a bad review, but believe me, it isn't. This poem just seems like an experiment. I'm sure if you played with this idea you have you could turn this into something great. Anyway, that's my two cents. I look forward to your next work!





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