Do you remember me?
I was the harpoon when you were a whale,
the typhoon when you were a sail,
the clouds when you were the Sun,
the mistress when she was The One.
I am the stories you were told.
I am heartache, growing old,
the weeds your garden always grew,
but now I'm here for only you.
It's no use to run away,
for I am here to stay.
You can try to die to live again,
but I'll still be there, around the bend.
You can try to hide from my sight again,
but I've caught you in the snare of my stare.
Scream that it's not fair: I don't care.
Do you remember me?
I was the harpoon when you were a whale,
the calm when you were a gale,
the cure when you were in pain.
When you were the Sun, I was the shade.
I was the echo to your screams,
I'm not all that bad, it seems.
I was the restraints when you were thrashing,
the airbags when you were crashing.
I was the rain when you were a drought;
I was Faith when you were Doubt.
I was the quiet call of hope
when you were contemplating knotted rope.
I was the friend on a winter's day
who called you up, asked, "Are you okay?"
But I was the harpoon when you were a whale,
the typhoon when you were a sail,
the rain when you were the Sun,
and so I'll never be The One.
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140,372 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
I just wanted to say this is really awesome - the rhythm and rhyme of this poem makes it such an easy read with such good flow and it was really enjoyable. I admire how you show both sides. The first side being the thing that holds people back "the typhoon", and the feeling of being unwanted like the "weeds your garden always grew". The second side being flipped to positive thinking.. "call of hope" when there were thoughts of a "knotted rope".. it just shows that this person .. even though sometimes seen as a pest.. is also the person who is providing the things that were needed... "rain" in a "drought". You've clearly demonstrated that this person is always second best and unappreciated..taken for granted.. I just thought it was really moving and I just had to say it
Hiya! EverWinter here for a review!
I liked this.
The thing that threw me off though was that there were different amounts of lines in each stanza. I don't know if you did this on purpose. Also, I don't know if "The One" and "Sun" should be capitalized. If they are, sorry, but I don't know. Maybe you could look into it?
Anyways, I liked your poem. It was relatable and it had a nice rhythm to it.
Good job and keep writing!
Ever
I really enjoyed the effortlessness of your rhyming, and how it helped the poem sound bittersweet. Usually, poems with rhyme tend to feel forced, but most of this was seamless. However, always be careful with repetition. It seems ok here, since these are lyrics, but don't make it a habit in other works. But, the emotion truly shines through, and I really enjoyed reading it
Repetition when used sensibly and appropriately (basically, as long as you have a reason for the repetition) can be really fantastic. Most of my favorite famous poems have a lot of repetition, actually. Think of Robert Frost's "Stopping by woods on a snowy evening" or "The Hollow Men" by T.S. Eliot or "Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas. they all utilize repetition to maximize effect, and that's what I was doing. The repetition here adds to the poem. It provides a new meaning every time I use it.
Anyway, thanks for the review!
This is delightfully sad in all the right ways. The first time I read it, it actually reminded me of Shakespeare's 130th sonnet (my lady's eyes are nothing like the sun, for those who don't know) for some reason. Reading it again, I'm somewhat unsure why I got that impression, and yet it sticks.