Velor's Vision

by Rook

Published January 9, 2016

E - Everyone

In Poetry: 2016

i.
Solstise wants to ask
if you’ve seen the cabaret 
that blew away from her
when the stars 
burned down the sky.

Velor has only seen orange
since the day has passed
and a bright tangerine at that.

But who’s to say we’re
not all to blame? 

ii.
Gangolath sends his armies
all adorned with metal shoes
that clank and clack when they walk.

But all they can do is stomp
and watch the graceful spirits
meld around them.

And thus war turns to art.

iii.
A walk is all Velor wants,
but it’s more than he’ll get
and less than he’ll have.

And with protruding lower lip
comes a feast too easy to give up.

And they say these floors are new,
but he sees the scratches.

iv.
Once when the fair Solstice had wrapped
her stencil arms around the banister,
closing her eyes (much like Ballista,
whose tail is flicking now)
to listen to the music, 
she thought she
heard voices
from down
the hall.
And
they
whispered
the chords of
harps that hung
in the air like a balance
of those cold icicle nights
and the warmth of an embrace
that shatters everything—but silence. 

v.
Velor studies into the library pages,
comparing font and cover weave
but he never reads a word.

Gangolath laughs and rips
the pages from his hand,
some fly over the table
(some land on Ballista,
who rolls over in earnest)
to where Velor sits.

Gangolath laughs
but words
are unknown.

vi.
From the weather-worn armchair
comes a cloud that speaks of times
when one could close one’s eyes
and conjure anything
but the warmth of a hand.

vii.
The tarnished hearts 
still ring the same
as they did in Rome,
but they have tarnished by different tears
which colors them differently,
and make them sparkle in Solstise’s eyes.

viii.
Quashed pumpkins sag
leering gooey glares at Velor,
while Gangolath stuffs his face
with Thanksgiving pie
while no praises are called
to the soil.

ix.
Velor tries a night without sight
so he hears what he dreaded most–
absolute silence. That draws
him in even as he draws
the atmosphere in in a breath.

But Ballista (whose claws have had practice)
pads the ground
shadow in the night,
teeth in hand,
sinewy muscle
pushing the world away,
pushing the stars astray.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
felistia
Review
felistia wrote a review Review · Jan 31, 2016

Hi fortis, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful review day. :D

Theme: You have introduced an interesting theme here, one of war. I have read many war poems, but none this beautiful. You start off with a lot of wonderfully descriptive lines with the first stanza having a star description in it. Then you get into the main body of the poem with lots of interesting words. Then right at the very end you go back to a more dark description until finally you end with the stars which gives it a complete feeling. :D

Description: As I said before your description is really good whether it is dark description or using beautifully complex words. You describe in a lot of detail so that I can see everything in the poem. You have a wonderful way of painting a crystal clear picture for me to gaze upon and the flow of your poem is really good too. :D

Grammar and punctuation: So I read the review below and I won't point out any punctuation issues I have and as for the grammar there are now problems. :D

Small problems: None here either. :D

Over all a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

User avatar
babydollblues
Review
babydollblues wrote a review Review · Jan 10, 2016

This is a lovely poem. The poem flows so well and is so easy to read even while being very long. Your imagery is impeccable and goes hand in hand with your word choice. The only critique that is to be had here are two tiny things.
Even if the line in a poem branch's off into two, the second one also should be capitalized, like, "Quashed pumpkins sag-leering gooey glares at Velor." Should be "Quashed pumpkins sag-Leering gooey glares at Velor.".
The other problem would be comma placement, there are a few places were you should go back in and add a comma. Especially look at the 2nd line after the first line in several of these little mini ones, it seems you may have forgotten to put some there.
But the good outweighs the tiny mistakes in this poem and I look forward to more poems by you.

Rook replied · Jan 10, 2016

Actually, contrary to popular belief, you 100% do NOT have to capitalize the beginning letter after a line-break. That's a common misconception, perpetuated by school teachers everywhere. All capitalization and punctuation and even spelling choices are completely up to the poet. It's an art, you know? :)
So my comma choices are also fine too, if I had intentionally chosen to do them that way, but I'm not sure I did, so I'll take a look at them.

Thanks for the review! And remember: you don't have to capitalize every line in poetry!



GET ON IT PEEPS
— Nate