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Young Writers Society


16+ Language

The Fire Underneath of Things - 33

by Rook


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

A/N: That's right guys! I'm back from the dead! This chapter has a lot to do with the last one, so maybe a refresher of that one is in order. I know I had to reread it a couple different times just to make sure I was being consistent about things. Anyway... yay!

Grey

~1136

“What’s going on here?” Ivy asked. Her eyes were brimming with tears and Grey could hear a desperate quiver to her voice he’d never heard before. “Do you two know each other? Who is this girl, Grey?” Grey tried to answer, but Ivy plowed on. “You know what? I don’t care. I really don’t Grey. I’ve had enough of you and whatever this whole situation is.” She gestured at the ruby, Grey and Strix, and then at the house in general. “I’m out. Don’t follow me.” And with that, she stormed out of the room, leaving Grey to face Strix alone.

“What do you think you’re doing with that?” Strix hissed. “That ruby is mine.

“It looks like you’re here to steal it same as me,” Grey said, protecting the ruby as if just Strix’s venomous glare could defile it. “Or am I wrong? Could it be that you were actually invited to this house to take it, late at night?”

“I’m here to steal it, but it originally belonged to the witches. I heard your rendition of the legend behind it. But it was all wrong. The Lady’s Passion was created by the Queen who you claimed had gone mad with jealousy. She hadn’t gone mad. It was a cold and calculated risk. She was in power, and the king was an unfaithful puppet in her court. She was looking for a reason to off him in the first place, so when she caught the king and that whore sleeping in the royal bed, she used her magic to rip their hearts, still beating, out of their chests. That’s right, she wasn’t a ‘beautiful countess,’ she was a nameless, lice-ridden penny whore from a back alley somewhere. She was a rock mage, so she turned the hearts into a single ruby to make an example of those who defied her.”

“A witch for a queen?” Grey scoffed.

“You’d be surprised,” Strix said mysteriously. “But I’m not leaving without that ruby.”

“Why do you need it so bad? Like Ivy said so eloquently, it’s just a rock.”

“Oh so that’s the Ivy that you thought I was accusing you of liking or whatever got you so bothered that you insulted my people, which, I might add, you’re doing again.”

Grey suddenly was ashamed. He’d almost forgotten how badly he’d wanted to apologize to Strix to earn her forgiveness, and now here he was making the same mistakes.

“And I want it because it’s more than a ‘rare and beautiful thing.’ The queen who made it was a very powerful witch. The ruby became not only a symbol for her political power, but it also acted as a focusing talisman that amplified her magical power. And it can do the same for any witch.” Strix closed her eyes and an intense expression overtook her face. “Can’t you feel the power of it thrumming through your hand? It feels like it’s grating on my every thought. It’s all I can do right now not to wrench it from your hands.” She opened her eyes, and made her face a mask of calmness and propriety. “But as I am a lady, I am resisting that urge, in hopes you will see reason and hand it over without a fight.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Because you, Grey, owe me a favor.” A sharp grin curled over Strix’s face.

Grey’s stomach dropped. He’d forgotten that he had promised Grey a favor when she led him out of Hazel’s Hill. “No. That’s not fair! I—”

“Grey,” Strix said, tilting her head at Grey, “I think you misunderstand how favors work. I get to choose what it is. You forfeit all rights of refusal when you make the promise.”

Grey groaned. Deep down he knew she was right, but he was still unwilling to let go of the Ruby. Maybe it did have some kind of power, but it wasn’t one he could feel they way Strix said she could.

“You seem to be the kind of guy who values his honor. I know you’re obviously a thief, same as I am, but you know what they say about honor among thieves.” There was a kind of playful laughter in her voice now. “So what do you say, Grey? You give me the ruby, and I’ll have nothing to hold over you next time we encounter each other in a nobleman’s safe room.” She stuck out her hand.

Grey considered. It sounded like she actually would be using the ruby. Isn’t that what he wanted anyway? And how, truly, would he put the gem to use himself? “On one condition,” he said at last.

“Another fundamental misunderstanding on how favors work, Grey. You don’t get to add conditions.”

“Hear me out. I just want you to… I just would really… Can we just start over? Like, could you forgive me for being rude to you? I was in a state of anger and paranoia and—”

“You really don’t get how things work, do you, Grey?” Strix said, her voice suddenly cold. “You can’t just add conditions onto favors you owe. And that is no way to ask for forgiveness.”

Grey took a breath, then shut his mouth and quickly looked down. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Strix giggled. Grey’s head shot up. Why was she laughing at him? “There you go Grey! That’s how apologies work! And you know what? I forgive you.”

“Really?” Grey gaped.

“Yup. Now, my ruby please.”

Suddenly feeling a rush of lightness at the quick and easy forgiveness, Grey suddenly had the urge to rid himself of all weight, and the ruby was very, very heavy. “You know what, I don’t even want it anymore,” he said, handing it to Strix. “I hope you put it to good use.” Grey gave her a tentative smile which she returned with full force.

Strix inspected the ruby closer. “This thing is just alive with power,” she murmured. She stared at it for a moment, transfixed.

“We should probably get out of here,” Grey said, looking around, suddenly aware of how long he’d been in the house.

“Right,” Strix said, snapping out of her thoughts. “Let’s go.”


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760 Reviews


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Fri Mar 30, 2018 12:02 am
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hihihihihihihihi!!!!

Nit-picks:

“Oh so that’s the Ivy that you thought I was accusing you of liking or whatever got you so bothered that you insulted my people, which, I might add, you’re doing again.”

This was a bit clunky, but I suppose that's fair given she was probably quite flustered.

Overall:

Gahhhh I'd forgotten how much fun this story was to read. And now I have to find areas to improve so that I can actually write a freaking reviewwwww...

Okay, one thing that is a bit confusing is why did both of them just happen to be there on the same night? That seems like a really, really happy coincidence. It's just on the right side of believable, so you don't necessarily need to do anything about it, but maybe some reason why this is a particularly good night for thieving might help. But then again maybe that would lead to a whole load of extra themes creeping around, so who knows.

Oh, also, they've been having quite a long conversation, and Ivy was probably quite loud in the last chapter. It seems surprising that there wouldn't at least be a scare of the people upstairs waking up. They don't necessarily have to get caught, or actually, given that they're very good at this they wouldn't even have to come close to getting caught at this. But it does just seem a bit easy.

You did so very many things well though! I can understand what Strix is thinking without her explaining it directly to Grey. I understand Grey's side and how hard it is to give up the thing he's set his heart on. I find him endearing when he realises that he's insulting her people again and feels bad about it since he'd been trying to avoid that. I think Ivy's reaction was well timed and believable - which masked how convenient it was! I really hope we get some Ivy/Strix interaction, or at least Ivy and Grey talking about Strix.

I could go on listing stuff for ages but honestly you've clearly done loads of it on purpose so I'd just be getting free points for stuff that isn't that useful to you.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:41 pm
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Que wrote a review...



Hey forti!
I'm so happy that you got back to this because I missed it so much. <3

The thing that stood out to me most was the lack of Ivy. I mean, she gets out of there, which is great, but then no one else cares? There's even this:

“Oh so that’s the Ivy that you thought I was accusing you of liking or whatever got you so bothered that you insulted my people, which, I might add, you’re doing again.”

Grey suddenly was ashamed. He’d almost forgotten how badly he’d wanted to apologize to Strix to earn her forgiveness, and now here he was making the same mistakes.

And I know that Strix is in the forefront here, but although Grey is odd, he does seem to genuinely care for Ivy, and should maybe be more concerned about her running away? Or maybe he can at least feel guilty about it.

It's also sort of strange that Strix and Grey just continue to talk in a house that they broke into? I mean, there's that bit at the end, but I feel like that might happen earlier.

“You really don’t get how things work, do you, Grey?” Strix said, her voice suddenly cold. “You can’t just add conditions onto favors you owe. And that is no way to ask for forgiveness.”

Grey took a breath, then shut his mouth and quickly looked down. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Strix giggled. Grey’s head shot up. Why was she laughing at him? “There you go Grey! That’s how apologies work! And you know what? I forgive you.”

“Really?” Grey gaped.

This part seems to be a bit of a rough transition. I really like the dialogue, but you go from describing Strix with a "cold voice" and then she giggles! I also agree with Blue about how easily Grey let the ruby go.

I'm also really interested to see where the ruby goes with the idea of power linked to it. I wonder what Strix will do! It would be nice, however, to hint about the ruby a little earlier if it's going to be important to the rest of the story. Like it's sort of a sudden thing, Grey's breaking in and stealing a ruby which has a very intense history, which is made more intense by Strix's revised history and the power of the ruby. It just comes out of nowhere somehow -- I wonder how both of them knew that the ruby was there in this random house. I hope there's some more development about this!

Okay, I just have to say that I love Strix. :) I hope that she'll sort of keep Grey in line? I think she's having a positive effect on him. I'm glad you're still writing this!!

-Q




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Mon Jan 22, 2018 2:21 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Excellent, I'm like 1000% with Ivy for leaving. Finally. Like I know Grey means well, but he's spent a lot of time acting a bit creepy about her, and this whole break-in as a date thing, followed up by a creepy story about a ruby...yeah, not really the way to win a girl's heart. Well, not this girl's heart, anyway. Strix may have forgiven Grey easily, but I feel like Ivy won't. Or at least I kind of hope not.

Speaking of Strix, I appreciate her sort of making him learn a lesson. Like, no, you cannot just add conditions on when you owe someone a favor. No, you cannot force them to let bygones be bygones by tacking it on as a condition. Hopefully he spends more time hanging out with her and less time hanging out with his pervy lamplighter buddy.

Althoughhhh I have to say he handed that ruby over with a lot more emotional ease than expected. Like he was so gleeful over finally having it in his hand that it was freaky, like Ivy was pretty scared (and I would have been too if I'd been there instead of just reading). But then Strix is like, "Yeah, okay, I forgive you" and he's like, "Here's your ruby, have a nice day." It's fine if he realizes in that moment that friends are more important than spooky rubies with a bloody history, but then I'd want to see a bit of conflict before that realization/decision.

In other news, so glad you're posting again! Maybe I won't have to wait so long for the next installment?





As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
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