z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Fire Underneath of Things - 26

by Rook


Ivy

~1,123 words

After she closed up shop on Monday evening, Ivy paced the cherrywood floor. Most evenings, she spent relaxing or catching up with chores. But tonight, all she could think about was the volcano boiling under the surface of the Earth, about to explode and cover the world in darkness. Was there truly anything more important in the world than putting a stop to that? It was this line of thinking that caused Ivy to set aside her novel and go out alone to the Workshop.

She entered the Workshop with a little trepidation. Would she be welcome here on a Monday? Hadn’t Grey said the society only met on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays? The workshop seemed strangely quiet as she made her way through the rows of machines toward the epicenter and Alder’s current, world-saving project. But when she reached it, no one was there. No longer able to abide the unsettling silence in a place normally full of noise, Ivy called, “Hello?” The word echoed all around the room, along with the sound of glass shattering.

“Good gravy!” came Alder’s voice from the far side of the room. “Who’s there?”

“It’s Ivy. Where are you?” Ivy didn’t know what was on that side of the room except for the spiral staircase with a million steps.

“By the drafting table! It’s right by the stairs to the back exit. Just follow my voice!”

Weaving her way through the machines again, Ivy traced the sound of Alder’s voice and only got cornered by a dead-end in the machine labyrinth twice. Eventually however, she found him seated at a huge table covered in paper, pens and ink bottles. There was also an ink bottled shattered on the floor that Alder was now trying, on hands and knees, to clean up with a blotting cloth.

“I’ve never seen this table before,” Ivy admitted.

Alder looked up at the sound of her voice and smiled at her from the ground. “It’s where I draw up mechanical plans for my inventions. I was working on one when you startled me and I knocked this off the table with my elbow.”

“I’m really sorry about that,” said Ivy. There was going to be a huge black ink stain on the floor now all because of her.

“So what brings you here on a Monday, Ivy?” Alder asked, sweeping up the remaining shards of glass into the cloth.

“Well,” she shifted her weight, unsure how to ask. “Does the Lightbox Society meet only on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays?”

Alder chuckled and stood up, leaning heavily on his cane. “Ivy, until you and Nikki joined, the Lightbox Society was only me and Grey. We both live and work here. We meet every day.”

“Then why did he say it was only those three days?”

“Probably because he didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed with obligation to come every day. That would be my guess anyway. I personally thought you only came those days because those were the only days you were available.” He set down the blotting cloth on a paper-free place on the table. The ink had bled through the cloth. There would probably be a stain on the table as well. But it was already covered in ink stains.

“That’s sort of true for Nikki. She’s only in town Tuesdays and Saturdays. But I’m free every night.” She took a deep breath. “And I guess I was wondering if I could come work here every night,” she finished in a rush. She didn’t know why she had been so nervous to ask. Perhaps because she hadn’t wanted to impose at all on Alder if he didn’t want her there all the time.

Alder’s unruly white eyebrows shot up and he peered at her over his thick spectacles. “Of course! You can help as much as you want! But why would a young’un like you want to spend all her time at a dingy old workshop? Wouldn’t you rather spend your evenings… doing whatever young people do these days?”

“Of course I’d enjoy that, but it’s not really about what I enjoy, is it? It’s about saving the world! And I want to help in any way I can. Because if I don’t give my all and people get hurt because of it, then that’s all my fault.” Ivy was surprised at the conviction with which she spoke, but a ball of warmth settled in her stomach that let her know she spoke the truth. “There’s nothing more important than this. Let me help.”

Alder blinked, and just looked at her for a moment. Then, he began slowly shaking his head as a smile crept over his face. “If Grey had half the spirit you did… But yes, you’re absolutely right, and of course you can help. I will always need help.”

“I’m still not very good with machines, even after all Grey’s training,” Ivy admitted. She looked down at the sketches of machines that littered the drafting desk. They made no sense to her, and she couldn’t even read Alder’s scribbles, but for some reason the diagrams comforted her. Perhaps they reminded her of her father’s drawings in his notebooks.

“Pish posh!” the old inventor said. “No one becomes an expert at something overnight, or even over a fortnight. Grey’s had years and years of tutelage under me and he wasn’t nearly as motivated to learn as you appear to be.” He paused for a moment, and then looked inquiringly at Ivy. “Are you interested in learning everything? I can teach you a bit about drafting, and show you how to interpret the sketches for my current project so you’ll understand more what you’re doing when we work on it.”

“Of course!” Ivy exclaimed. She was growing excited. She was finally doing something worthwhile. “I always just rely on Grey to tell me exactly what to do. It will be nice to know without asking.”

So, for the next several hours, Alder patiently taught her how to read not only his scribbled handwriting, but also every other facet of his mechanical sketches. There were many things Ivy had left to learn about drafting in general, however, by the end of the night, Ivy understood Alder’s sketches for his current project front and back. She knew it as well as she knew the flowers in her shop and this knowledge made her feel confident. She also realized Alder wasn’t just playing mad scientist: he was truly a genius inventor. His machine made sense in a way Ivy could only understand with her intuition. That machine could swallow the darkness before the darkness swallowed the Earth. It just needed to be built. And there was a long way to go.


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Mon Sep 25, 2017 7:51 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



One down, eight to go.

Nit-picks and nice moments:

about to explode and cover the world in darkness

At some point I really would like someone to be more specific about the "darkness". Do they mean like, ash clouds? Cos those clear sooner or later. What is so much worse about this volcano than any other volcano?

“Good gravy!” came Alder’s voice from the far side of the room. “Who’s there?”

This was a highly amusing turn of phrase ^.^ (also sorry for forgetting to point out nice bits in the last chapter, there were plenty)

Ivy traced the sound of Alder’s voice and only got cornered by a dead-end in the machine labyrinth twice.

I think it would be quite funny if you put a comma before "twice" :P

Overall:

This is almost a nit-pick but I'm putting it here cos it's a suggestion rather than a correction. See where Ivy's talking to Alder about why she sees the purpose in this, that this is the most important thing to do - saving the world. I think it would be really sweet if she also mentioned something about this being what her father was doing and her wanting to feel close to him/continue his work/honour his memory. If that's too cheesy/just not Ivy I understand though.

Actually I think in general I'd like more of Ivy thinking about her father. Oh man that's big. Like, if I were Ivy, that might even eclipse the end of the world for me. I know you've mentioned him before, how she was finally letting go of hope, but this is his work. I think it'd be impossible for her not to be thinking of him constantly.

I'm really enjoying the characterisation of Alder. He seems like a really nice guy; would like to see some other sides to him too if you do them as well as this ^.^

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Fri Sep 08, 2017 3:18 am
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Que wrote a review...



We meet again. :3

Okay, so, right off the bat.

But tonight, all she could think about was the volcano boiling under the surface of the Earth, about to explode and cover the world in darkness.

Mm. I love the imagery this provides! I think it also seems like a bit of a metaphor for her, she's got some things churning underneath that might come to the surface? Grey too, honestly. And all of them. So good! Also, if you're talking about a specific volcano, do you have a name for it? That might be helpful, since they obviously have very technical and detailed journals at their disposal.

"So what brings you here on a Monday, Ivy?” Alder asked, sweeping up the remaining shards of glass into the cloth.

“Well,” she shifted her weight, unsure how to ask. “Does the Lightbox Society meet only on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays?”

Alder chuckled and stood up, leaning heavily on his cane. “Ivy, until you and Nikki joined, the Lightbox Society was only me and Grey. We both live and work here. We meet every day.”

I feel like this transaction is a bit awkward, but I can't quite place why. I think it's probably Ivy's question, which seems a bit off. Also, why does Alder ask the first question? I mean, it makes sense because Ivy has only come on certain days, kind of, but maybe "What brings you here at this hour?" would be a little better. I'm honestly not entirely sure.

The ink had bled through the cloth. There would probably be a stain on the table as well. But it was already covered in ink stains.

These could be two sentences, or even one. Maybe you should combine them, they seem a bit staccato like this.

"If Grey had half the spirit you did… But yes, you’re absolutely right, and of course you can help. I will always need help.”

Maybe the did should be do? Or have, that might be better.

Man I really loved this chapter!! Ivy and Alder interacting, that was just the best. And Ivy got a sense of purpose, which was great, and I don't even know, it just made me really happy. I think it's one of your best chapters for having little "action" going on, so that's fantastic. :D

-Q

(Just FYI, whenever I see Alder I think "Adler" like the planetarium. c: )




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Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:42 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



You know, when we first met Alder, he legit seemed like a crazy, fire-and-brimstone sort of old dude. I honestly thought he might turn out to be a bad guy at some point, especially because of Grey hiding his personal machine from him and stuff. But now that we know he's not crazy and about his ties to Ivy's dad, he just seems like a nice, misunderstood old gentleman inventor. I think I'd be a little sad if he turned out to be bad at this point.

Plus it would be hilarious if he and Ivy's grandma ever met and hit it off. Her grandma saying "he sounds like my kind of man" is basically my favorite thing that's happened in the story.

I like this.

That machine could swallow the darkness before the darkness swallowed the Earth.


I've been wondering how Alder could possibly build something that could stop a volcano. I mean...it's a volcano. We still don't have ways to stop those. We just hope they won't erupt any time soon, like in our entire lifetimes or the lifetimes of anyone we care about. So we still don't have an actual answer, but this feels like the start of one. I'm hoping, now that Ivy is learning more about the machines and how they work, we might get a little more of a hint here and there as we go along.

Man, and Grey still thinks Alder's nuts. What's he going to think when Ivy says he's totally not crazy?




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Mon Aug 14, 2017 8:22 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, it's me again!

“Of course I’d enjoy that, but it’s not really about what I enjoy, is it? It’s about saving the world! And I want to help in any way I can. Because if I don’t give my all and people get hurt because of it, then that’s all my fault.” Ivy was surprised at the conviction with which she spoke, but a ball of warmth settled in her stomach that let her know she spoke the truth. “There’s nothing more important than this. Let me help.”


Aww. I think this part is the answer as to why I should care about this chapter. I like how she's determined to save the world and gives her reason for doing it. It doesn't come across as your typical protagonist line, probably because there's kind of a need of reassurance that what she says is true from the questions she gives. The fact that she's surprised by what she's said is telling on how sometimes we do think that we don't expect to do. Alder praising her is a nice touch to the scene.

While this chapter doesn't reveal anything interesting, it serves to show the Ivy's character development. We are shown how she's more thoughtful on what's happening currently and makes decision based not on what she wants but what all of them need. I think this is an important transition of her character, a shift from her being an ordinary teenager to her being an important one for the sake of humanity. Her interaction with Alder is also nicely handled, developing their relationship to a higher level. Both of them have a vibrant dynamic and I hope to see their relationship develops to a deeper, more meaningful level. Maybe Alder would become a father figure to her, who knows.

Aside from that, I think you describe the setting adequately, unsurprising given how good you are as a poet. It lends to the fact that you make the description through a nice flow and make sure it's not too much or too little.

And that is all! Sorry if this review's too short. >.> I've nothing much to say. The chapter's solid, either way. Keep up the good job! :D





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