z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Fire Underneath of Things - 14

by Rook


~1037 words

- A/N: spoilers will happen if you do your own research into the things I talk about in this chapter. I am trying to make this somewhat historical. So I mean, if you already know your history, you're already spoiled, sorry! By the way, the book Ivy is reading is "Sense and Sensibility." Thought I'd add in some more historicalish things.

Ivy

Ivy knew it was a dream because she never could have remembered with this much detail.

She sat at the table in the kitchen of her old house. She was paging through her father’s leather-bound field notes, being careful not to rip any pages. She knew how to read, but her father’s handwriting was so messy, and he always used words she didn’t understand. Plus, his pictures were works of art themselves and interested her much more. Here was a diagram of all the layers of the earth, there was a sketch of fossils he had found: shells, leaves, bones. Most of the diagrams focused on one subject, however.

Her father was an explorer and geologist. He would often take Ivy’s mother along on his adventures through the world, from the Galapagos to the East Indies. He had a special fascination with islands. When Ivy’s mother died giving birth to her—in the belly of a Royal Navy ship—Ivy’s father took Ivy along with him on his adventures instead. When school got out, he’d whisk her away to some far-off place and they’d spend the whole summer exploring. But the last two summers they’d gone to the same place, and they were planning to go again this year. Her father was just packing up a few more things before they had to catch their coach. Tomorrow, they’d be on the sea, heading for Sri Lanka. From there, they’d take a smaller boat to the island of Sumbawa. On that island rested the object of her father’s fascination: Mount Tambora.

Ivy didn’t understand why he was so fascinated by it. It was just a mountain. They had seen plenty of those in their travels. But this on had truly captivated him.

Her father rushed into the kitchen and pulled open a few drawers before turning around to look at the table. He jumped when he saw Ivy sitting there. “Oh I didn’t see you there, Ivy. I was looking for that notebook. I’ve got a new one, because that one’s all filled up, but I wanted to check I hadn’t lost it. It has a lot of important data in there.”

“Papa, why do you love Tambora so much?” Ivy asked.

He tried to explain, but Ivy didn’t understand any of the words he was using. Finally, he simply said, “I love this mountain so much because it reminds me of your mother. Her name was Tamora, you know?”

“It was?” Ivy asked. “I thought it was Mum.”

Ivy’s father chuckled. “She had another name. Tamora. That isn’t the only reason the mountain reminds me of her, though, see here?” He pointed at a diagram on the page, one where half the mountain had been removed, almost as if her father could cut it like a cake.

Ivy looked where he was pointing, but suddenly, the picture was moving, it wasn’t a mountain after all, it was a veil of hair draped over shoulders. The woman turned her head to look behind her, her long hair sweeping across her back. It was Ivy’s mother. She looked at ivy and a sly smile began to form on her lips. “Ivy,” she said. “Ivy. Ivy.”

“Ivy?”

“Huh?” Ivy mumbled.

“Are you awake?”

Ivy became aware that someone had her by the shoulders and was gently shaking her.

“Wha?”

“C’mon Ivy we gotta get these crops to market. It’s morning? Saturday? You’re at my house, Ivy? Planet Earth?”

“Yeah I’m up, I’m up…”

“No you’re not.”

“Five more minutes…” There was a tug on her arm, and Ivy was jolted awake as she began to fall off the bed. Her leg shot out instinctively to save her, and suddenly she was standing up. “Okay, I’m up. Geez.”

Nikki was bright-eyed as usual. “Mum’s cooked you some hot porridge and put extra sugar in this time. I reckon she likes you more than me! Eat that up and let’s go!”

The breakfast was delicious, though Ivy barely had a chance to notice between her sleepy brain and Nikki’s impatience to leave. Soon enough, they were riding at the front of Nikki’s cart, ghost sitting alert on the back. Ivy dozed in her seat as they rode, and before she knew it Nikki had dropped her off at her flower shop.

“You go take a nap, Ivy,” she said. “I’ll be back as soon as I drop these off.” She gestured to the sacks and boxes of vegetables and flowers in the back of her cart.

Ivy tried to get some sleep—she obviously needed it if she could sleep through a bumpy wagon ride like that one—but she couldn’t seem to fall asleep, now that she was lying in her own bed. She kept thinking about her father. How, after they’d reached Sumbawa, her father had climbed the mountain alone and had disappeared, never to be seen again. They had sent search parties after him, but had found no trace of him. Ivy had been sent back to live with her crazy grandmother, who honestly needed Ivy to take care of her more than Ivy needed a caretaker.

It was rare that Ivy thought about her father these days. It was a painful mystery, a loose end in her life. How could he have disappeared? How could he have just left her, a child, alone and afraid in a strange land? She missed her father—she had loved him with all the zeal a daughter could have—but deep down, she also blamed him.

To distract her from these thoughts, Ivy read a novel she had bought from a used-book store recently. It was a silly little romance, but it had caught Ivy’s eye, as it was written by “a lady,” as the title page stated. Time flew by as she read, and she became so engrossed in the story that when Nikki knocked at the door, Ivy looked around, confused that she was in a flower shop and not at a formal dance.

“Ready to go?” Nikki asked, when Ivy opened the door.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ivy said, rubbing her temple.

“Ivy, I swear, you’ve been out of it all day!” Nikki said, as they walked to the workshop.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
760 Reviews


Points: 31396
Reviews: 760

Donate
Wed Sep 20, 2017 7:02 pm
View Likes
ExOmelas wrote a review...



I guess there's worth things to be addicted to than reviewing...

Nit-picks and nice moments:

But this one had truly captivated him.


She looked at ivy and a sly smile

Missed capital.

ghost sitting alert on the back

And another xD

Overall:

So I did something silly which was go to a student society board meeting in between finishing the nit-picks and now. There's something I feel like I'm missing, but I've now looked a couple of times and I don't think it's just that I've forgotten it. My question is where are they going at the end? Nikki knows, and even Ivy seems to, but I'm rather confused.

Other than that this chapter was pretty perfect. The dream sequence was done well with just the right information. You also successfully executed the weird thing dreams do where you go from one situation fluidly into another one with whole steps missing but without you even noticing. That's not that easy to do so good job!

I'd have maybe liked a scene with Nikki's parents, just to get a bit more feel of their childhood, but you've given us details here and there anywhere so it's not a big deal.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Mon Jun 12, 2017 1:53 pm
View Likes
BluesClues wrote a review...



Heh heh heh. Jane Austen <3

Not much to say about this chapter, but I mostly wanted to comment on the dream. First of all, I appreciate the fact that you stated right from the get-go that this was a dream. None of that "all this interesting stuff is happening...and then she wakes up." Like that works sometimes, especially if it's obviously a dream, but I like that we knew right away. The transition from the dream back to Nicki's attic was also incredibly smooth.

It's funny because I technically knew Ivy was alone in the world (except for Ghost), but I hadn't really thought about it. Now I find myself curious about her family and specifically what happened to her father. I like the conflict between "I love him, he's my dad" and "I can't believe he would abandon me that way" even though it's obvious he didn't abandon her voluntarily, right? But I'm not the one whose parent left, so I probably see this more clearly than Ivy does.

On to the next chapter!




User avatar
498 Reviews


Points: 5966
Reviews: 498

Donate
Sun May 28, 2017 4:25 am
Que wrote a review...



Hey forti!

I'm really interested to learn more about Ivy's past! Though it didn't really make sense that her father would just climb up the mountain and leave her alone to wait? I don't know if you're going to go more into that, perhaps a flashback to that specific day. I am curious to see how her father ties into everything, and why she suddenly began thinking of him again.

Her father rushed into the kitchen and pulled open a few drawers before turning around to look at the table. He jumped when he saw Ivy sitting there. “Oh I didn’t see you there, Ivy. I was looking for that notebook. I’ve got a new one, because that one’s all filled up, but I wanted to check I hadn’t lost it. It has a lot of important data in there.”

For some reason, when her father just turned around and said, "oh I didn't see you there", it felt kind of awkward. I don't know what you would do about that, but I thought I'd mention it anyway. Also, I saw that Ghost and Ivy were I capitalized a few times, you might want to go check on that! ;)

I know that Ivy's been kind of lingering on the dream the entire day, anxiety totally get it because I've done that a ton of times before. Still, it seems really rushed that she wakes up, eats breakfast, and goes back to her shop. Maybe you could rearrange it so that she wakes up, then while traveling back the dream starts coming back to her? I love the dream description, but the "real time" bits seem kind of rushed.

Also, at the very end when Nikki asks if she's ready to go, I'm surprised she even responds in the affirmative. I would've expected her not to know what was even going on. Something like, "Ready for what?" or, "Where are we going?" because I don't think she would be that much in reality yet, especially not after reading a book.

Nice job! I liked the description and background here- Ivy's childhood sounds wonderful. I can't wait for the next chapter!

<3 Falc




User avatar
373 Reviews


Points: 46306
Reviews: 373

Donate
Tue May 23, 2017 2:30 am
PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hi fortis. Looks like I'm the first to leave a review for this chapter :)

The more I read about those two, the more I like them really. Ivy is a character I can connect to strongly, and I can easily understand her feelings when dealing with the bouncy kind of people like Nikki. I'm also seeing a little more mature side of Nikki (like the "go take a nap now") in my opinion and I like that a lot. I think the two are developed well.

It was really interesting to learn that her father was an explorer! Geologist! There was a chunk of exposition but it didn't really bother me because it is important for a dream and you can't go for pages and pages showing instead of telling :p. I thought that the Ivy's mother dying was rather common in books, but to think about it, quite a few women died in childbirth that time (I assume).

The only other minor complaint I have here is the transition from between the dream to reality. Since it is a little flashback in my opinion, maybe the transition could be marked by using "had" (for example "she had turned her head"). Using "had" through the whole dream is annoying but using it at the beginning and end could display the changes.

A nitpick:

How could he have disappeared? How could he have just left her, a child, alone and afraid in a strange land?She missed her father—she had loved him with all the zeal a daughter could have—but deep down, she also blamed him.


I feel as though the questions could come AFTER the "blamed" bit because that feels a little loose-ended to me ;)

Also here:

“Ivy, I swear, you’ve been out of it all day!” Nikki said, as they walked to the workshop.


I was a little surprised that they were heading to the workshop. I know that this is their pattern, but it would be a little nice if I knew--or could be on my side for forgetting about this workshop thing. But then I wonder if Ivy's feeling a little nervous, in case she meets Grey or something like that.

I'm also curious if this mountain will tie to the rest of the story. If so, I wonder how! I'm really interested in her father's disappearance. Is he alive? Will he eventually meet Ivy? I'm anyway looking forward to the next installment! PM me if you have any questions or comments! :D

Image





People ask if I ever experience writer's block and I just have to laugh... that's my default position.
— Aaron Sorkin