If I finish this review today I will be ahead of revmo for I think the first time the entire month *happy dance*
Nit-picks and nice moments:
Even without the stars or moon, Ivy found her way home easily.
Wouldn't that have been the moment to describe how scary it is for a woman to walk the streets alone at night? There's this road near where I live that has all these trees overhanging it and it means it looks like you're walking through a forest and that people who want to hurt you could burst out at any moment. I know that sounds like rambling but it would mean that you could back up what Ivy has been feeling so far. She's spoken about feeling uncomfortable around men, but that could sound silly to someone who doesn't understand. This would be a very jolting way to show the reality of it. Though I suppose you do have plenty of opportunity to do that at a later date.
Ivy woke up to a rainy day. It matched her mood. Her mind felt cloudy and confused. Doubting many people would want to hike out to a flower shop on a rainy day
That's a wee bit repetitive. Maybe "in the rain" the second time? Also, "hike out" makes it sound like she's not actually in the city. Maybe like "trudge through the streets"?
After packing a bit of food that would travel well,thatwhich could serve as a light lunch
This is suggestion only but it's cos the reptetition made the sentence structure a bit clunky there.
covered by the heavy cloud cover
You really do have repetition today xD I think just take out the second "cover"
Ivy's grandmother had said, "It's polite to eat before you arrive, so you can rely less on the hospitality of others. This also makes it so you can fall back on folk when you're in a pinch. They won't see you as always looking for a handout, so they'll be much more likely to help you when you really need it."
This seems like quite a lot to remember as a direct quote.
She smiled as she breathed in the fresh-smelling air, and giggled as raindrops splattered on her nose.
I really, really like this bit of sensory description. It might be just that I really like sensory description, but regardless, thank you for the sensory description.
and Ivy's farm pulled into view.
Whose farm?
They reached the sprawling farm in no time.
I think that should be the start of a new paragraph.
"Nikki! Ivy's here!" he shouted with a lisp, then ran away.
I'd quite like to know his reaction. ie facial expressions, gestures, did he gasp?
Overall:
It's really interesting to have both the first and second halves of this chapter. I don't know if it was just because of how LMS fell or the publishing system on the site, but it was interesting to compare the uneasiness of Grey and his association with urban life, and then the relaxation of nature, the vivid descriptions of the weather, and of course Ghost, who is a part of nature himself. It's a really good way of showing me that Ivy is not ideally suited to city life, which makes sense for why she rarely left her flower shop. In fact, now that I think about it, it makes sense why she runs a flower shop.
Other than what I brought up in nit-picks about her getting home too easy, I don't really have any criticisms for this chapter. I get that you had other plans for this chapter, but maybe even foreshadowing something. Like, "Ivy did get home without issue that night" to make it sound like this isn't always the case. I just think that's a really important area to keep the jeopardy in.
Hope this helps,
Biscuits
Points: 31396
Reviews: 760
Donate