Time passes. Time is the landscape outside a moving car's window: quick, pretty, fleeting. I've spent so long looking ahead because that's what you're supposed to do when you drive; you watch what's right in front of you.
Now, I've been paying attention to the landscape on either side of the car, since I've realized how much I've lost. It's light out, then it's dark again. It's cold out, then it's warm again. I drive on the back roads, to get to the main road, to get to the highway, to get to the interstate.
Time passes.
I can drive faster now because it hasn't been freezing, but I don't know if I want to. That's the difference between driving and time; when I'm driving, I can always slow down. I can go from 95 to 85 to 75 to 35. I can always reroute too. Maybe take the scenic route.
Time doesn't allow for that. Time's the landscape, but it's also a one-way highway. That's the other difference. When I'm driving, I can always go back. I can drive the same road again and again. I can come up with a million different ways to get to the same place. Or maybe I can ditch that place altogether, wouldn't that be nice? I'd pick somewhere else to go instead.
Time passes.
You can always look through the rearview mirror, but be careful not to look too long, or else you'll miss what's right in front of you. Or worse, you'll crash. That hasn't stopped me much. And maybe it's because I'm still driving the car I worked on with my dad. I'm always looking back.
I'll always be wishing I had done things differently.
I wish I sat down and watched the movie, even though I had already seen it. I wish I had stayed home for dinner that one night, even though I made other plans. I wish I stayed in that room longer, even though the smell was unbearable. And I wish I wasn't so angry through all of it.
I wish I had planned my wedding sooner.
Omar said his wife had a hard time during their wedding. She was crying since her brother couldn't be there because he'd killed a man in self-defense. Omar said my situation was a whole lot worse. "Yeah," I told him.
But I didn't tell him I wish our dad had killed a man, if it meant that was the reason he couldn't be at my wedding; if instead, it meant he would still be someplace where we could visit him. I wish that because I'm vain and I'm selfish and I'm cruel, but I'm tough. I'm tough because my dad made me tough. When I cry, the tears come out so hot they must evaporate and that must be why nobody can ever tell.
I'm not at the end of my road yet, I know that much. Time passes, and it doesn't slow down. I look ahead, but I'll always look back. And when I run out of fuel, I'll be glad my dad taught me how to make my own diesel.
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Hey friend!! I have decided to go back to some of your older works that I haven't read yet, so that I can be all caught up with ALL the facts in your pieces. Let's jump right into this review!
First of all, as someone who is saving up to buy a car right now, I loved how this one was all about driving.
You touch so well on control. You use these time and speed examples to show the lack of control that life gives you, but the control you do have with things like driving. I like the specific speeds that you reference too, because I found that those made it a lot more relatable since they each remind me of different places where I have driven those speeds and how it felt. And when you drive a control, you have full control over its going or stopping, on top of the speed- you control the destination and you can change that route as many times as you want to.
This 'looking back' example that you use is wonderful. One thing I love about this piece is how applicable all of these are to so many people's lives, but at the same time, you are connecting us to this entire personal narrative, without overly sharing details. You are like a secret agent, mysterious, but comforting, narrator.
The ending was wonderful too, how you contrast who could not go to your brother's wedding with how your dad could not attend your wedding. We often see 'murder' as this horrible crime, but even wishing that over death says so much. The connection and realization that you think this way because your dad MADE you this way was beautiful. You tied it so well to the feelings your present. Overall, this one was packed with imagery and so many beautiful words you use to describe feelings, like 'evaporate'. Amazing work!!
Keep on writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hii!
Really loved your story, it flows really beautifully and its contemplative nature really complements the writing style.
To me the story feels like a metaphor for life, very beautifully and eloquently put. It really expresses how a lot of people live life like a race, always looking ahead moving at a great speed and how this causes them to miss so many things, how it prevents then from really stopping and savouring all that life has to offer.
The nature of time is another thing that is marvelously expressed in the story, I really like the comparison drawn between a drive and time, which essentially shows that time is an entity out of our control, once it passess, it doesn't return, once it happens it cannot be changed.
I love the dramatic flair that this story has and how much emotion it provokes, I love how it makes me stop and think and consider and how perfectly it reflects on how so many people reflect or contemplate their lives when they experience sadness.
All in all its a beautifully reflective tale that feels bittersweet and melancholic.
Everything said is my opinion. Sorry if I went a little to deep, love the story!!
--KB
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is another beautiful tale. I think you've done an excellent job capturing these emotions and letting them fully spring to life to really leave a big impact on us readers and to be able to get a tangible look at how this person is currently suffering through this.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite the start. A lovely calming atmosphere to start us out but also telling a story at the same time both in the way that the atmosphere itself is described but also with this car and the way that this person happens to be choosing to operate it here.
Hmm well this certainly speaks volumes about exactly what this person may have been through here and also about how their dealing with it. Unless of course this is somehow just about driving but something makes me think that isn't quite it here.
Oooh this is coming across more plainly now it appears, just going into the regrets this person has. I wonder if this is connected to the one about someone passing because it almost seems like this person's regrets about not spending enough time with said person who passed away.
Well that does seem to confirm the connection back to the father. I think this is a beautiful way to show that guilt and of course the regrets that tend to accompany a situation of that nature and also it is quite heartening to see the person is trying to move on and this dad was good enough to have taught this person how to keep going even in a tough time such as this.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think you've done an excellent job of creating a very heartfelt story that links back beautifully to the previous piece. In fact its so powerful I wonder if perhaps these emotions are what you are going through yourself. If they are I hope you're doing well and things get better <3
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Love love loveeeee the first part describing the car - i've never thought about it like driving a car but it fits so well. so many great metaphors and analogies and i feel your pacing is great up until Omar. obviously not meant to have a lot of context but it feels very sudden.
so much loss conveyed in such a short text and i applaud u for it even i miss the dad
kind of in love with the way u wrote this