activation energy

hi herb. i am here to review your poetry per request because i am a nice person.

i break the surface tension
of the puddle--

so starting off with this first line, this (and with the context of the stanza as a whole) feels like an "i am/you are"---something that sets the precedent for the rest of the poem, introduces idea, etc. what is interesting to me is that while this sets the tone, it's also the only stanza that refers to a "he." at first i was unsure why this was, but my theory is that the "he" and "you" are different people? they share the same idea/concept/symbolism, but they are different. that's my theory, at least. and what really made me think this is the last stanza. i think the first section of this poem pertains to "paradisical life [faux outcome]". anyway.

laws of sound and sight: i
hear him before i see him

and with this, we've introduced the structure of the poem. i do really enjoy how this ties into the aforementioned metaphor of the speaker's father to a storm. the interesting thing, though, is that typically, you see lightning before you hear thunder. this is an instance that i don't think holds much poetic meaning, but i thought it was worth mentioning just because.

but this stanza makes me think that the speaker's father is prone to yelling. that is my first impression/interpretation.

i am older now-- so where are you?

law of passing: when someone dies
you will yearn for their promises.

i love this progression. begin with a memory, end with a bitter yearning. i also just love the storytelling nature of the third stanza. and then it's almost like a gateway into the next section. "and so do your dreams of them" followed after by "sometimes late at night...."

in the third section, i'm debating between if the "you" is someone who has died, or if this is another person. And same for the second stanza. because the words you used are heavily tied to losing someone to death, but that's not the only reason we grieve. either way, i think the fact that it's a loss speaks for itself---the reader doesn't really need to know the why, because that's not the focus.

we stay under the same
dormant sky, we are there-- together, analagous.

except we aren't.

law of distance: if you are far enough away
from the rooted plant, the offspring will
evolve to become distant from its womb.

these lines made me wonder if the "you" was someone who'd passed. because it can be taken in a way of "i wonder if you're still there even though you're gone" type way. but it could also be speaking on literal distance.

but speaking on the later half of this quote---it's clear here that the speaker is facing disconnect from who i assume to be his mother. and maybe this is more of a metaphorical sense, but the reader will make that connection with the word "womb." (or at least, i did). following this with "brash. brutal. unkind. cruel. jaded." feels visceral and very self-deprecating in a sense. like the speaker is telling himself this more than anything.

now, the last stanza has to be my favorite. mainly because it serves as an outline for the entire poem---like a formula. i do wonder though if another roman numeral to separate that part would make it feel more isolated. it's just a little bit out of the previously established structure of the poem. it doesn't distract or take away from anything, but perhaps it would change how it reads?

anyway. you spelled "analagous" wrong. just thought you would want to know. but speaking on the poem as a whole, i honestly think it's a bit more straight-forward than some of your other poems, but i will say that the structure and the bracketed words make it very unique and interesting to read. and the "law of ___" sections add a layer of depth and understanding to the poem that really make it what it is. it's a creative idea and executed very well.

keep writing
- avian