you say i love you
and, out of courtesy,
i reciprocate the
feeling.
sometimes, out of
curiosity, i am left feeling
empty. supposedly,
one should feel, whole,
after finding someone
they love.
robert says that i will
grieve a lot of relationships
in my life, and i think i
have always grieved
something or someone.
there has not been a
moment in my breathing
hours that i have stopped
mourning the loss of what
has come before me.
i think someday in the future
i will be forced to accept
that i will lose and i will gain
and it is how life works,
how flowers bloom and
wither, i too will see you
as your petals fall upon my
hands.
perhaps, letting go is
a gain within loss. you
will end up saying
you love me and i will
say that it can be true
all the same when we
are no longer consequential
to each other.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
maybe gaining you was my worst loss
Hello Eulogy. Valkyria here leaving you a short review. Let's get into it:
This is a somber piece, but it kept me hooked from start to finish. Your use of language is very effective at showing the complex feelings. The first stanza hits hard. I interpreted it to mean that deep down, the narrator truly doesn't feel any romantic connection to their partner. The next stanza reciprocates it, showing that the narrator sometimes feels empty when they're supposed to feel whole. It's quite melancholy.
There's a beautiful metaphor with the flowers near the end of the poem. It makes the poem feel all the more meaningful. I think it can be expanded on more throughout the poem, since flowers (and nature itself) is a big symbolism for life and death.
Overall, this was a beautiful poem! You took us on a deep, complex journey with your writing. It was done effectively. The line breaks were done in good use, and the emotion was so impactful. Well done!
Hey euls, (please forgive me for calling you that lol) here to review this poem super quickly. <3
This first stanza is a somber but effective way to start the poem. I could already feel the tension from reading this, and using the word "reciprocate" instead of "return" or something similar gives the feeling that saying or feeling "I love you" back feels robotic or automatic. I was a little confused though, because when you said "you say I love you" I thought you meant that he was saying you love him, but I think you probably meant to say that he said "I love you". I think that could be clarified just to make it more streamlined.
This part really hits hard. Especially since you made a line break before you said "empty" so it did really feel like you were fading or slipping away, while "whole" stayed in the same line. This stanza overall really conveyed the idea that something about this feels wrong.
It's interesting that you named this Robert person but not the person who is the subject of the poem, showing that maybe there is a distance between you and him.
This also really hits hard. At this point in the poem, you shift into highlighting that you are grieving of something that came before you, and may be a feeling of regret. I also thought the line breaks were well placed here.
Great line breaks here too. And also I love love love this metaphor, I think it's so good you could even expand it throughout the poem probably, since flowers can be a symbol of love, and withering flowers can be a symbol of death. The last part where it says "i too will see you as your petals fall upon my hands" has such power and emotion and grief weaved in it, it has imagery of something falling apart. And since you left the word "hands" in the last line of the stanza might show how some things are out of your control, like the blooming and withering of flowers. I just love this stanza overall, it's really powerful and conveys the idea of the poem really well.
I liked how you brought back the parallels of loss and gain in this stanza, and also the fact of him saying "I love you". That last sentence was a bittersweet conclusion, tying in the truth of love and words, and also the idea of consequentiality (idk if that's a word) between two people bringing them both down. Then you ended the poem in the very last line with it being "to each other". I thought that really brought the ending out more, that whatever uneasiness may be between you is to each other.
This is a really beautiful poem, herb. Seeing how your poetry has evolved is truly amazing. This poem had so much emotion and had the feeling of grieving and feeling empty and you were able to also project that onto the reader. I am sorry if reviewing this made you feel worse. *hugs* <3333 But really, this poem is so beautiful.
Keep writing!
~ Ant
robert is my role model