i always find myself back here, charting the seasons. april is rapidly approaching so i will have to acquiesce to the husk-centric nature of passing. sometimes i yearn to rewind the clock back to my previous life, but to no avail.
i tell myself that i shouldn't be counting the days (xvivviiiviiviviviiiiii) until i undergo metamorphosis but i digress. one cannot simply kill off someone already dead whilst dying. that is not how we were meant to memorialize a corpse nor a muse.
april showers bring may flowers just how april may march into the budding leaves in the washed out fog of it all. i try to become so much more than myself that i fade into the mist, never to be seen.
next month, maybe i'll retain some semblance of my past life.
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Canary word: Present
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hey! :]
This is really elliptical at times, and I think that is the strongest element here; each clause bleeds into each other. The poem subtly repeats motifs--e.g. April and other months, past lives, corpses / muses--to reinforce cyclical structure, and I think that mirrors the theme of seasonal return. Life itself often refuses linear progression, so it's very poetic, albeit aestheticized. It is beautiful to see the stream-of-consciousness voice juxtaposed with the repeating imagery! There is a sense of time blurring with the reader / narrator throughout as well.
The typological play is really interesting to me too, and I love experimental poetry! The parenthetical string 'xvivviiiviiviviviiiiii' functions as a visual disruption. It mimics a corrupted / abstracted form of Roman numerals, or it is an intentional obfuscation of counting. This is neat, and I imagine it is as a sharp contrast to the otherwise naturalistic tone; it breaks the visual continuity and creates a moment of confusion for the reader, then continues as normal. Since poetry is based on *reading* words, visual elements like that can be really functional!
I don't think it is fitting though. It is visually interesting, but it is opaque when considering the other stanzas and their imagery / thematic progression. It doesn’t gesture toward a readable system or meaning clearly enough to justify its placement in that stanza. As it stands, it might alienate readers rather than provoke any thought--especially for those who don't know how to read that--and if the goal is coded numerals, you could have more context scattered in the poem. I would've loved to see more of a build up to that!
Your syntax is hard to read at times, which could be intentional, but a lot of phrases get syntactically tangled: "april showers bring may flowers just how april may march into the budding leaves.." The wordplay on the months is clever, but the phrasing gets convoluted, and people may lose the line's logic before understanding what it is meant to say. The repetition of 'April' doing these actions makes it harder to envision because there isn't a clear idea of who / what April is. I would suggest clarifying more of what that means for the narrative since it's unclear right now!
I hope this helps; experimental poetry is a favorite of mine!
lina
I love that this series feels just as much about transformation and growth as it does remembrance.
You seamlessly use wordplay and humor to touch on the pain of growing pains and the struggles of the changing seasons.
How much do we change and embrace our metamorphosis? How do we retain our sense of self? I can see the hints between the lines: a determined resilience amidst uncertainty, and the unshakable desire for the comfort of what's familiar. While the imagery of changing seasons is not new, I love your take. You have such a distinct voice that brings new life to this imagery.
For me, these lines read like so: we can't kill of the past, because it's already dead and gone. The present is always passing away, as are our present selves, while we step into the future (which becomes our present). We're not meant to kill off the past, but remember it, keep moving forward.
I like the run-on sentence feel. It's not quite like stream of consciousness poetry, but the flow feels natural and uninterrupted. I don't have more to say, but I really enjoyed this poem and thank you for sharing your poetry.
Keep writing, eulogy!
-sound
Heyy!
I LOVE THE WAY YOU HAVE WRITTEN THIS. BUT I THINK YOU CAN CONVERT THE SENTENCES INTO SHORT PHRASES. YOU CAN MAKE THEM EVEN MORE SWEET.
PAY A BIT ATTENTION TO YOU PUNCTUATION , IT HELP MAKE THE POETRY EVEN MORE ATTRACTIVE. I PERSONALLY LOVE IT!! KEEP ON WRITING!