*deleted*

Hey I'm here as I promised you. this review would be rather short as I ahven't read chapter-1. Here I go:

He shook his head, a desperate attempt at clearing it.

Okay it can be just me but I was a bit confused as to clearing what. Maybe its related to the other chapter, so I'll have to read it.

But this?

I seriously don't have a logic here but it would look nice if it italicized. What you think?

No, this just crossed the line from bizarre to ridiculously insane.

Shubhi likes it!

He strode to his living room and fell into his couch cushions and tried to brush off the terror that had gripped him.

Into would seem like the cushion is torn apart from somewhere through which he could get inside. LOL.

The terror for what he had just seen, or the terror for his sanity he wasn't quite sure.

How could would(this just seems better) he survive that long without her now?

It sent a chill down his spine just to remember it on remembering it.

He reached a trembling hand towards the phone and dialled his friend's number.

This was very confusing. Look you want to tell his hands were trembling as he walked towards the phone. Right? But from your writing it seems that there's someone else also whose hands are shaking. So change it!

So Isha there weren't many nit-picks here so a good job. or maybe I just didn't pick them. I have saved chapter-1 in my pen drive so I'll write review for that too tomorrow. I'll post it tomorrow.

This was very short so it didn't take me much time to review. Maybe you've done it before, but I wanted to know what kind of a house he owns, just to get an idea.

Then there were many thoughts in this chapter which had been italicized would've looked better and more organised.

Keep writing!

~Shubhi

Why hello there Isha... *does a perverted face*.
Jeff here to review.

Had he really just seen what he thought he had? He drew in a deep breath and released the guard-rail tentatively. He shook his head, a desperate attempt at clearing it. He was going crazy, it had finally happened. He had now lost it all to some stress disorder.

Isha, this is what we call 'He' abuse. It's what I call it, anyway. You've started every sentence with the word 'He'. Well, except for the first one but he's the second word, so it still counts. It's easy to solve this, just use your characters name instead of 'He' all of the time.

He shook his head again, trying to figure out what on earth could have made him see what he just had. He turned slowly and headed back towards the security of his house. He strode to his living room and fell into his couch cushions and tried to brush off the terror that had gripped him.

Wow, you really do like the word 'He', 'Him' and 'His' don't you...

Terror for what he had just seen, or terror for his sanity; he wasn't quite sure.

The grammar of this sentence seemed wrong... I can't guarantee that I've corrected it correctly... I suck at grammar. I think I've corrected it right though...

How could he survive that long without her now?

:O I don't know! He may have to call Jeff...

The girl had just disappeared! No swirly colours, no flashes or smoke and sparkles; just nothing.

I think that this would be more effective if you simply wrote 'nothing' instead of 'just nothing'.

Oh, and that scream... Mark had never heard anything so horrible in his whole life!

Woop! You used his name!

He'd heard his fair share of horrified screeches

Changed tenses here.

She sounded more like a beast wailing, some horrible beast in agony.

If there was anybody he could tell, it was Bob. Right?

Such a beautiful name...

Wrong. Bob listened to his hysterical friend's story without interruption. “Go see a shrink, man,” Bob demanded half-sarcastically through spurts of laughter before hanging up without a goodbye...

Gutted!!! (Jeff wouldn't have done that. He's nice.)

Mark swore Bob must have been killing himself from lack of oxygen because of his infernal laughing.

Haha! I mean... awww... Poor Mark...

“Good-bye to you, too, then,” he grumbled, throwing the phone to the side and resting his head in his hands.

You don't need the first comma in this dialogue.


Overall

Jeff is pretty impressed. Although this was short, like you said, it was pretty entertaining. There wasn't much action, no flying hot women in catsuits, but that's cool. I'm okay with that, they're overrated. I really liked your characters as well, Isha. Especially Bob, he reminded me of myself. The only difference is that he has a cooler name than me. His character came across as sarcastic, which I love and very entertaining to read about. Mark also seemed like a cool character, he was also fun to read about. You just need to use his name more often instead of 'He'.

My main critique is that I think you're rushing things a tad bit. Mainly because you aren't using many descriptions. I know you can use them because you use some nice descriptions in Storybooks. Yes. I stalk you. By using descriptions, this chapter will also become longer. It's a win win situation. Although, please make sure that you don't overload it with descriptions. If you do that, I will come to Canada with a wooden chair and smash it into your front door. If you overload on the descriptions, it only makes the reader want to kill themselves (or you). What I'm basically saying is that I think you need to add some sprinkles of description here and there. By doing that, you will definitely keep the reader more interested in your writing. I know you can do it well... so... do it. Otherwise Jeff will cry.

My other critique is about the 'He' thing I mentioned before. I love the word 'He' and everything, but there is such thing as overusing it. Remember, it's not going to kill you if you use the names of your characters now and then! You were naming Bob fine, it was just Mark that you needed to name more. For example, wouldn't you hate it if I never said Jeff? Imagine if I always said 'Him' instead of Jeff? Life would be tragic, no? At the beginning, I wasn't even sure what your MC's name was. That's never a good sign. Unless you want to be mysterious about it, that is. I'm pretty sure that that isn't what you're going for in this. The main problem with using 'He' all of the time is simply the fact that it's annoying. By using names and 'He/She' your sentences get varied a lot better. Varying sentences creates a much nicer flow. It makes us readers smile.

My favourite thing about this was definitely the character's themselves. Like I said before, they were fun to read about and definitely entertaining. Although we didn't see much of Bob, he is officially cool. He came across as funny and sarcastic, two things that I love. What I also liked about your characters was the fact that they weren't both the same. Writers often fall into the trap of making their characters annoyingly similar. Luckily, you haven't done this. Mark and Bob seem to have different personalities, so well done for that. You have made Jeff happy. Another thing I liked were your character's names. They are classic, every day names that you don't actually see often in stories. They're similar to Jeff, that's what I especially love about them. I also think that your names suit your characters, so that's definitely a plus!

Overall, this was pretty good. All that you need to do is consider what I've suggested and fix it up a bit. I don't really have much to say. Besides, I need to go and feed Jeff now. He's a greedy bugger aye...

Keep writing!

xoxo Skins (With help from Jeff)