Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,453 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Hey, I thought this was brill. It took me a couple of reads to understand it but it was probably just me. Maybe the language was just too much for me
Keep writing-good luck
JJxVoodo
Okay. You
demandedwanted a review, and here it is.You've already heard me say how much I love it, so now I'm going to break it down and try and give some pointers (which makes no sense because I'm really not a poet).
In the first stanza, the last line (let loose and live a little) has a question mark at the end. (Yay for Captain Obvious.) If you're going to have it there, it needs to be inside the quotations. I know it may seem weird, but it's true.
"All the same" sort of sounds weird to me. I couldn't tell you how to fix it, but it's just something to keep in mind.
Remove the dash between karat and gold. If it's karats, you can tell you're talking about gold.
Pity me! needs to be in full quotations. Use the apostrophes (if that's what they're called in this sense) only inside dialogue ("They were an organization known in the lower classes as 'PC'; that's what I've come to learn." said Claire.).
You're talking about God here, so "him" needs to be capitalized. I think you just forgot this time around; every other instance of "He" was properly done.
I might as well hit two birds with one stone and spill what the poem means to me. (Now you have a permanent copy of this. Be grateful.)
If you treasure being natural and yourself, it will pay off with love and acceptance. Those who base their lives around the "coolest shoes" or "best clothes" are doomed to fail at some point. If you just let yourself be what God designed you to be, it will make Him happy, and you will be loved eternally. Those who criticize God and Christians and say He's left the world to suffer are the ones that left Him for material things in the first place.
There you go, Fishy.
Lessthanthree.
Wow! This really was very good! You had no grammar problems, no punctuation problems, and no capitalization problems. I'm impressed. However...some of the wording messed up the flow of the poem a bit. Maybe it's just me. I dunno. Maybe it's just perfectly rhymed "poams" that I read most often, so it kinda threw me for a loop.
It seemed very realistic and pretty sad, though. I also love the title! "Impudence" just seems to fit it perfectly.
Well, sorry for the somewhat small review. But there's really nothing more to say.
Very subtle and satirical. Great poem. All I have to say is your rhythm is a bit dead in the first stanza... your other stanzas look fine. I'm sure your message comes across without much explanation.
Wow, Cassy. This is amazing. I can't really give you a review here; I really have nothing to say other than that I love it. My favorite paragraph is the second one... just saying. xD
Keep writing, Isha. You're awesome!! =P
~Solvy <3
Well, i'm sorry about whatever happened with your friend, but a great poem came out of it!! I didn't see any grammar problems yay!
I loved it! It had a great message and you were able to connect everything you said and make it important to the poem. There were no out of place lines. you used great descriptive words and were able to get your message across clearly. Although, it would have helped create a more in depth message to explain more about what happened. All I can understnad is that your friend is a fake who wants pity and you are real and shining and this guy likes you for you, but I can't tell exactly what your friend did in all of this. Steal the guy? IDK.
I can feel the anger in this poem, which is really good. There's no awkward places in the flow of the poem, and no punctuational errors. Good job! I couldn't write a poem like this!