There have been a few religious-like poems floating around YWS, ones that don't mean any harm, really - just state the beliefs of the users. I had another one that I wrote a while ago, that I never posted for sake of my beautiful ratio - but hey, now seems like as good a time as ever to post it. Honestly, it was a fifteen-minute write, and I haven't looked over or edited anything yet. My goal here wasn't really intense imagery - I wanted to try something a bit more simple. Something a bit different. So, this is a pretty experimental poem, and I honestly don't know how it came out in the end. If it sucks, then oh well, experiment failed. If it's even relatively good, then... yay! But. Anyways. Enjoy -- maybe. Oh. P.S. like all religious poems on YWS, this one is strictly for saying things that I need to say - it's not meant to offend or degrade anybody else.
“It’s what you’ve been taught.” How many times have I heard that one? I've been taught the exact opposite all through those years of public school - and yet, I'm still on the defensive. “You only believe because, they tell you to.” No, dear person, that would make me a hypocrite.
“You can’t see Him, how do you know that He’s there?” You can’t see oxygen either, but that’s what sustains us - you can feel it, and you can breathe it. “But there’s proof that it’s there.” And obviously, you’ve never felt what I have.
When invisible eyelashes touch your cheek, and unseen fingers trace every single line in your hand - when you can feel nothing but pleasure, with "nothing" there to induce it; when you can hear the sweetest "silent" words in the galaxy - tell me then, how can that not be real?
“Clinical insanity.” Ha, that answer amuses me. “You all got high before you attended.” Why would I need to get high, if I could just go up? “That was a stupid rebuttal, and that giggle - what was that?”
That, my dear person, is what happens when invisible fingers and eyelashes find their way back to me.
Tell me, then, Have you ever had anybody stuff laughter down your throat? In the most literal sense, I mean. “I should hope not.” Well, I have, and personally, I feel awfully sorry for you. You're missing a lot.
“But, what if you’re wrong? What if all of this is in your head?” What if? I’ll be fine. And why do you take the chance? “Why should I believe in what can’t be proven?” Why deny the proof of what’s there? You’re sitting there watching me, trembling on the floor - the random bursts of giggles, or suppressed squeals of delight.
I can't believe you're asking me this - I'm sitting right here, right in front of you - you can see the pleasure that conceals my eyes - makes them totally invisible. They've been replaced by light and grace. You can hardly even find me anymore, because of the delight that just so happens to be hiding me. He is hiding me in glory, and you can't even tell what it is.
No proof? What’s all of this then? Hypocrisy? You haven’t met yourself. Insanity? You try it - I dare you. What I’ve been taught? How can you teach feeling bliss? Why believe? How could I - how could you - not? What if I'm wrong?
I absolutely love this! That's all I'm going to say, because, everything else has been covered! I has some trouble with this a while ago, and I eventually came to that conclusion. The flow to this poem it wonderful! I loved the dialog
I. Loved. It. ISHA! You are epicness itself. This pretty much sums up everything I keep trying to explain to everyone who is sceptical about my beliefs. *starts singing You Just Gotta Believe* (No, I don't know if that's actually a song, but it sounds like it could be, and - oh, what the heck.) *LIKES* I couldn't find a single thing wrong with it. LOVED the last two lines. I'M NOT WRONG No, you're not. GOD BLESS!!!
I think it was too long and got a bit boring after a while. I know I'm not really part of your "audience" because I'm not all Christian, but I think the best poems are SHORT and sweet. Too long, and ranting about your unyielding love for God maybe what Christian people do, but if you considered all the people who would be reading this that weren't Christian, you could make it a bit more entertaining. That's just me though, because I really can't relate. Keep your writing up though.
This. was. incredible!! It was simpler, but still had great feeling and imagery. I thought it was the perfect length- some people might have thought it was too long, and I don't usually love long poems, but this was just right. You captured everything in here wonderfully. Just wow! I am definitely liking this poem- honestly, I wish there was a love button!
This simple, amusing poem has made me happy. It's so damn true! Ahaa. I'm being serious. I couldn't find any faults with this poem. Like you said, if it was a fifteen minute job, then you can't really expect it to be flawless. But in my opinion, it was. It was a stunning piece that had me laughing and nodding along. Your voice is strong in this and it's really wonderful. Congratulations.
“You only believe because, they tell you to.” No, dear person, that would make me a hypocrite.
- I love the attitude of the persona. xD
Ha, that answer amuses me.
- I love the confidence of the persona here.
Have you ever had anybody stuff laughter down you throat?
- Typo: 'your'
“But, what if you’re wrong? What if all of this is in your head?”
- It's wrong to put a comma after a coordinating conjunction unless there's an interrupter. If you intended a pause, maybe an ellipsis or a 's/he paused' would help?
You’re sitting there watching me, trembling on the floor - the random bursts of giggles, or suppressed squeals of delight.
- I like the wording here.
No proof? What’s all of this then? Hypocrisy? You haven’t met yourself. Insanity? You try it - I dare you. What I’ve been taught? How can you teach feeling bliss? Why believe? How could I - how could you - not? What if I'm wrong?
- This is really powerful. The ending is powerful too.
- - - - - - -
That is one really strong poem you've got there. I just hope it avoids controversy or something. o.o Anyway, I like how you kept the wording simple enough. The way you divided the different details in the poem is done well. And, like I said in the nitpick, I love the attitude of the persona. If you're gonna make a 'controversial' poem or something like this, you gotta be brave and confident, and I think you are here. I don't see any hole in this that would totally bring this down.
Anyway, I just had a thought: If one doesn't believe in God, then how does a blind person that colour exists? xD Because other people tell him/her that it does? It takes more than that. It'll take the blind person's trust and faith and those are the same things you need to believe in God.
Oh gosh you guys. I love you so much. xD I fell asleep, thinking that I might have one more review if I was lucky - and I wake up to a second page of comments and a bunch of likes. <3
I really enjoyed this. It had great metaphors, and it showed what some people feel when they just know that God's there with them. I love that feeling. I guess I'll look at it stanza by stanza like some others have.
1. Amen. When someone tells me that a person thinks something because this is what they've been taught, I wonder if the person has a lack of thinking for themselves, as horrid as that might sound of me. I don't mean to sound rude, but it's true.
2. I can't even tell you how much I adore this stanza. I loved the metaphor you used there about oxygen. Very well written.
3. This stanza, to me, made me think about how you feel when you know God's with you. When you can just feel his presence right there with you. That truly wonderful feeling.
4. This stanza to me was just, eh, simply because it wasn't much of your witty and nice remarks to there questioning.
5. Oh, the presence of God described in this wonderful way. I love it.
6. Stuff laughter down your throat? I'm guessing by this you mean that just simple essence of pleasure of knowing God's there.
7. This stanza isn't anything special to me, but it's still great. It just lacks a bit of that spark the other stanzas have.
8. I feel like this stanza is telling the other people that God is protecting you, not letting you get hurt from the criticism there throwing at you. I love it.
9. You tell 'em.
10. I loooove this stanza the most. I sometimes think this, and never have the guts to say it. Wonderful.
I really enjoyed this poem as a whole. Awesome job.
Hey Ishizzle! I loved this poem! there was this one bit:
“You can’t see Him, how do you know that He’s there?” You can’t see oxygen either, but that’s what sustains us - you can feel it, and you can breathe it.
I was SURE you were going to do something like this, but i thought it would be something like:
You can't see your brain! Yet you believe it is there! You say you use it to think everyday! But the best part of a brain is belief, and you, my friend, have none! And you say he's not there so he's not real, but imagination is what a brains all about! So how do you believe you have a brain, when you refuse to use it's best features?
I know, not very poetic, too many exclamation points, but I wrote this at VERY short notice, I had no intention of even logging in to YWS this morning, let alone reading a poem and writing a stanza!
Again, great job! I loved this poem! I wish they had this in my english poetry book in school, in the middle of class I;d be all like "I know this poet! She's AWESOMESAUCE!"
I really like this poem (I even liked it) it was simple like you were trying to do yet it adresses very deep and controversial topics. This piece was also very different and strange but to me it felt refreshing, like a breath of fresh air. I also love the title and I believe it fits perfectly, my favorite part was : "Tell me, then, Have you ever had anybody stuff laughter down your throat? I n the most literal sense, I mean. “I should hope not.” Well, I have, and personally, I feel awfully sorry for you. You're missing a lot." (Sorry if I messed up the stanzas I've never learned where the quote button was, so I have to copy and paste.)
This part was great and also the last line of the poem: My dear person -I’m not wrong. Great job on this! I really enjoyed it, I even got chills while I was reading Peace, Snickerdooly
Hi, Ish! Haven't been talking to you for awhile now. Came to this poem by accident. (Pffft... it was featured and congrats for that.) I'm glad that I did click it and actually checked it out. (I barely do that.) So far, I can see that your signature is very true: poetic pirate.
First, I'd have to say: I love your style. At first I thought, "Oh, boy... this is so long. Probably a repetitive poem - again." I was wrong.
This, as many others have said, is a very lovely poem. It wasn't bore, though very simple, not to mention a bit long. I loved the beginning and the way you ended it. What else is there to say?
Well, I have to admit. I kind of was confused of what you were trying to say here. I was like, is this about religion? - about beliefs? And was I ever glad that you answered GuiltySpark.
As usual, I do not like intruding in poetry, unless serious unintentional grammatical errors (which I didn't see here); so I guess I'd just have to tell you my favorite parts:
And obviously, you’ve never felt what I have.
This was partly hilarious. OK, I laughed at it. Well, not to mock. But it's true.
My favorite stanza:
No proof? What’s all of this then? Hypocrisy? You haven’t met yourself. Insanity? You try it - I dare you. What I’ve been taught? How can you teach feeling bliss? Why believe? How could I - how could you - not? What if I'm wrong?
I honestly just loved this. It really goes in deep with a relationship with God, and it's fun to read, because you have dialogue between two different people, one a believer, and one a non-believer. Just one thing:
stuff laughter down you throat?
You should be your. I didn't notice anything other than that. This is really good! Keep it up!
Haiii! I am here to review but before I do, I'm actually amused to admit that this is so close to being the opposite of a poem I wrote during my teens. I used to be a protestant but had great difficulty in believing in God for many of the reasons outlined in this poem so I eventually parted ways with my faith. But anyway, thanks for the flash back and on to some comments:
“It’s what you’ve been taught.” How many times have I [I like the dialogue but the response is too flat. I'd like to see you debating your side right from the start, right after that first line as that's certainly the interest of your poem and to be honest, if this was in a book of poetry, I wouldn't have read further than the first few lines without passing it over for something with a bigger kick-start.] heard that one?
“You can’t see Him, how do you know that He’s there?” You can’t see oxygen either, but that’s what sustains us. [I like these lines, nicely thought out. I think you could have given your adversary better fuel for the next line though. Their arguement should be as strong and well phrased as yours so it's all the more powerful when you know it down. Maybe something like, 'But you can breathe it and contain it. You can hold it inside you.'] “But there’s proof that it’s there.” And obviously, you’ve never felt what I have.
I'm not sure about stanza three. There's too many cliches in it for my liking but since you weren't aiming for pretty imagery I'm sure you already realise that it was a little basic so I'll leave that with you.
Stanza after that is okay. Nice back and forth with the dialogue. Not sure about stanza five. Nothing hugely of interest there.
Tell me, then, Have you ever had anybody stuff laughter down your throat? In the most literal sense, I mean. “I should hope not.” Well, I have, and personally, I feel awfully sorry for you. [A strange idea. I think this would nee more exploration for the reader to understand.]
After this point I felt that the poem gets a bit repetetive and without the structure of the arguement, it doesn't stand up as well. It's a nice way to put down your ideas though and I won't go into more detail since you've said it's just a quick write. See you around,
Normally I don't like poetry like this at all because I don't believe in God but I kind of liked this but at bits of this I felt like the poem got a bit intense, and self-righteous but thats just me. I liked the imagery especially the bits about the invisible fingers because I understood what you meant by it.
I've been seeing so many religious poems circling YWS. Not just about Christianity, but about Atheistim and Agnosticism (which I kind of classify the absence of religions, but whatever). And this pretty much sums up what I always try to tell everyone. It's so hard for me to describe, explain, but this is pretty much what it boils down to; I can feel him. He's there, and I can feel him with me.
This was beautiful. I'm not much of a poet, so I didn't note much wrong with it. Great job. I really enjoyed this.
343GuiltySpark wrote:I didn't really understand what's meant by this poem. I'm sorry. I'm just stupid I believe. Is it about denying the existence of God?
Bahahaaaaa, no. This is absolutely not denying the existance of God. xD It's the questions I get asked about my faith everday - about my answers. It's a bit of an argument I'm having with everybody I've ever argued with. Er... 'debated' might be a better word.
animekaratepup wrote:Overall...... THIS WAS AWESOME.
Can I save this? Like, to my computer? I'll be sure to have your name on it.
Absolutely! xD As long as people don't take the credit for my work and though, I don't care.
I'm glad you guys liked it so much, and I'll try to fix up what you pointed out. ^^
I'm gonna number my comments by stanza, instead of quoting, for the most part.
1. I LOVE THIS STANZA. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
....Actually, you probably do, since you wrote it.
2. I was expecting wind, but I think I like oxygen better.
And yes. So true.
3. ...you have to feel it to understand it. Others just don't get that. It's like knowing what wet is, or the story of the kid in a closet, who doesn't know the outside world except for pictures.
4. Hahaha! The only high I ever get is a spiritual high. ......that makes me sound weird. But it's true.
5. I really like this "fingers and eyelashes" imagery.
6. I love it when a person randomly starts laughing in youth group worship. Best. Night. Ever.
7. Yep. If it's all in my head, I'm a fool-- but I'd rather be a fool for this than for anything else. (Love this.)
8. Hrm. Hiding? I've never heard this before. What do you mean?
9. Hahaha, I love this stanza.
My dear person - I’m not wrong.
LOVE THIS ENDING.
Overall...... THIS WAS AWESOME.
Can I save this? Like, to my computer? I'll be sure to have your name on it.
Hey there! First off, let me say...I LOVED this poem. It is simple, but I really enjoyed reading it. There were only a couple things that I found wrong with it... but not very many “It’s what you’ve been taught.” How many times have I heard that one? “You only believe because, they tell you to.” No, dear person, that would make me a hypocrite. Wonderful opening! I loved it! “You can’t see Him, how do you know that He’s there?” You can’t see oxygen either, but that’s what sustains us. “But there’s proof that it’s there.” And obviously, you’ve never felt what I have.
When invisible eyelashes touch you're cheek, and unseen fingers trace every single line in your hand - when you can feel the purest form of pleasure; hear the sweetest silence known to galaxy - tell me then, how can that not be real?
“Clinical insanity.” Ha, that answer amuses me. I loved this line!!!! Favorite of all of them! “You all got high before you attended.” Why would I need to get high, if I could just go up? “That was a stupid rebuttal, and that giggle - what was that?”
That, my dear person, is what happens when invisible fingers and eyelashes find their way back to me.
Tell me, then, Have you ever had anybody stuff laughter down you throat? In the most literal sense, I mean. “I should hope not.” Well, I have, and personally, I feel awfully sorry for you.
“But, what if you’re wrong? What if all of this is in your head?” What if? I’ll be fine. And why do you take the chance? “Why should I believe in what can’t be proven?” Why deny the proof of what’s there? You’re sitting there watching me, trembling on the floor - the random bursts of giggles, or suppressed squeals of delight.
You can see the pleasure that conceals my eyes - makes them totally invisible. You can hardly even find me anymore, because of the delight that just so happens to be hiding me. He is hiding me, and you can’t even see it. I didn't really get this stanza...maybe a little rewording would make it more clear No proof? What’s all of this then? Hypocrisy? You haven’t met yourself. Insanity? You try it - I dare you. What I’ve been taught? How can you teach feeling bliss? Why believe? How could I - how could you - not? What if you’re wrong?
My dear person - I’m not wrong.Beautiful ending!
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I absolutely love this! That's all I'm going to say, because, everything else has been covered!
I has some trouble with this a while ago, and I eventually came to that conclusion.
The flow to this poem it wonderful! I loved the dialog
~Allie Rose~
I. Loved. It.
ISHA! You are epicness itself.
This pretty much sums up everything I keep trying to explain to everyone who is sceptical about my beliefs.
*starts singing You Just Gotta Believe*
(No, I don't know if that's actually a song, but it sounds like it could be, and - oh, what the heck.)
*LIKES*
I couldn't find a single thing wrong with it.
LOVED the last two lines.
I'M NOT WRONG
No, you're not.
GOD BLESS!!!
I think it was too long and got a bit boring after a while. I know I'm not really part of your "audience" because I'm not all Christian, but I think the best poems are SHORT and sweet. Too long, and ranting about your unyielding love for God maybe what Christian people do, but if you considered all the people who would be reading this that weren't Christian, you could make it a bit more entertaining. That's just me though, because I really can't relate.
Keep your writing up though.
This. was. incredible!! It was simpler, but still had great feeling and imagery. I thought it was the perfect length- some people might have thought it was too long, and I don't usually love long poems, but this was just right. You captured everything in here wonderfully. Just wow!
I am definitely liking this poem- honestly, I wish there was a love button!
This simple, amusing poem has made me happy. It's so damn true! Ahaa. I'm being serious. I couldn't find any faults with this poem. Like you said, if it was a fifteen minute job, then you can't really expect it to be flawless. But in my opinion, it was. It was a stunning piece that had me laughing and nodding along. Your voice is strong in this and it's really wonderful. Congratulations.
Hello there.
Nitpicks:
- I love the attitude of the persona. xD
- I love the confidence of the persona here.
- Typo: 'your'
- It's wrong to put a comma after a coordinating conjunction unless there's an interrupter. If you intended a pause, maybe an ellipsis or a 's/he paused' would help?
- I like the wording here.
-
That is one really strong poem you've got there.
Anyway, I just had a thought: If one doesn't believe in God, then how does a blind person that colour exists? xD Because other people tell him/her that it does? It takes more than that. It'll take the blind person's trust and faith and those are the same things you need to believe in God.
Never stop writing!
Oh gosh you guys. I love you so much. xD I fell asleep, thinking that I might have one more review if I was lucky - and I wake up to a second page of comments and a bunch of likes.
<3
I really enjoyed this. It had great metaphors, and it showed what some people feel when they just know that God's there with them. I love that feeling.
I guess I'll look at it stanza by stanza like some others have. 
When someone tells me that a person thinks something because this is what they've been taught, I wonder if the person has a lack of thinking for themselves, as horrid as that might sound of me. I don't mean to sound rude, but it's true.
1. Amen.
2. I can't even tell you how much I adore this stanza. I loved the metaphor you used there about oxygen. Very well written.
3. This stanza, to me, made me think about how you feel when you know God's with you. When you can just feel his presence right there with you. That truly wonderful feeling.
4. This stanza to me was just, eh, simply because it wasn't much of your witty and nice remarks to there questioning.
5. Oh, the presence of God described in this wonderful way. I love it.
6. Stuff laughter down your throat? I'm guessing by this you mean that just simple essence of pleasure of knowing God's there.
7. This stanza isn't anything special to me, but it's still great. It just lacks a bit of that spark the other stanzas have.
8. I feel like this stanza is telling the other people that God is protecting you, not letting you get hurt from the criticism there throwing at you. I love it.
9. You tell 'em.
10. I loooove this stanza the most. I sometimes think this, and never have the guts to say it. Wonderful.
I really enjoyed this poem as a whole. Awesome job.
Hey Ishizzle! I loved this poem! there was this one bit:
I was SURE you were going to do something like this, but i thought it would be something like:
You can't see your brain!
Yet you believe it is there!
You say you use it to think everyday!
But the best part of a brain is belief,
and you, my friend, have none!
And you say he's not there so he's not real,
but imagination is what a brains all about!
So how do you believe you have a brain,
when you refuse to use it's best features?
I know, not very poetic, too many exclamation points, but I wrote this at VERY short notice, I had no intention of even logging in to YWS this morning, let alone reading a poem and writing a stanza!
Again, great job! I loved this poem! I wish they had this in my english poetry book in school, in the middle of class I;d be all like "I know this poet! She's AWESOMESAUCE!"
Hehe, later Ishizzle! Much Love! <3
I really like this poem (I even liked it) it was simple like you were trying to do yet it adresses very deep and controversial topics. This piece was also very different and strange but to me it felt refreshing, like a breath of fresh air. I also love the title and I believe it fits perfectly, my favorite part was
:
"Tell me, then,
Have you ever had anybody
stuff laughter down
your throat? I
n the most literal sense, I mean. “I should hope not.”
Well, I have, and personally,
I feel awfully sorry for you.
You're missing a lot."
(Sorry if I messed up the stanzas I've never learned where the quote button was, so I have to copy and paste.)
This part was great and also the last line of the poem: My dear person
-I’m not wrong.
Great job on this! I really enjoyed it, I even got chills while I was reading
Peace,
Snickerdooly
Hi, Ish! Haven't been talking to you for awhile now. Came to this poem by accident. (Pffft... it was featured and congrats for that.) I'm glad that I did click it and actually checked it out. (I barely do that.) So far, I can see that your signature is very true: poetic pirate.
First, I'd have to say: I love your style. At first I thought, "Oh, boy... this is so long. Probably a repetitive poem - again." I was wrong.
This, as many others have said, is a very lovely poem. It wasn't bore, though very simple, not to mention a bit long. I loved the beginning and the way you ended it. What else is there to say?
Well, I have to admit. I kind of was confused of what you were trying to say here. I was like, is this about religion? - about beliefs? And was I ever glad that you answered GuiltySpark.
As usual, I do not like intruding in poetry, unless serious unintentional grammatical errors (which I didn't see here); so I guess I'd just have to tell you my favorite parts:
This was partly hilarious. OK, I laughed at it. Well, not to mock. But it's true.
My favorite stanza:
It was beautiful, Ish.
Jashy ♥
I honestly just loved this. It really goes in deep with a relationship with God, and it's fun to read, because you have dialogue between two different people, one a believer, and one a non-believer. Just one thing:
You should be your. I didn't notice anything other than that. This is really good! Keep it up!
This was beautiful and powerful. It really describes the Christian heart when they come up against skepticism.
This was just glorious.
God bless you and keep writing!
Your brother in Christ,
H.
*likes*
Partially due to my partiality toward the things of God, and the fact that this answers common Atheist/agnostic FAQs.
Lovely.
-Jojo
I threw in a few edits, and a bit more on my half. xD
I'm not sure if it made things better or worse, though.
Haiii! I am here to review but before I do, I'm actually amused to admit that this is so close to being the opposite of a poem I wrote during my teens. I used to be a protestant but had great difficulty in believing in God for many of the reasons outlined in this poem so I eventually parted ways with my faith. But anyway, thanks for the flash back and on to some comments:
“It’s what you’ve been taught.”
How many times have I [I like the dialogue but the response is too flat. I'd like to see you debating your side right from the start, right after that first line as that's certainly the interest of your poem and to be honest, if this was in a book of poetry, I wouldn't have read further than the first few lines without passing it over for something with a bigger kick-start.]
heard that one?
“You can’t see Him,
how do you know that
He’s there?”
You can’t see oxygen either,
but that’s what sustains us. [I like these lines, nicely thought out. I think you could have given your adversary better fuel for the next line though. Their arguement should be as strong and well phrased as yours so it's all the more powerful when you know it down. Maybe something like, 'But you can breathe it and contain it. You can hold it inside you.']
“But there’s proof that it’s there.”
And obviously, you’ve never
felt what I have.
I'm not sure about stanza three. There's too many cliches in it for my liking but since you weren't aiming for pretty imagery I'm sure you already realise that it was a little basic so I'll leave that with you.
Stanza after that is okay. Nice back and forth with the dialogue. Not sure about stanza five. Nothing hugely of interest there.
Tell me, then,
Have you ever had anybody
stuff laughter down
your throat?
In the most literal sense, I mean.
“I should hope not.”
Well, I have, and personally,
I feel awfully sorry for you. [A strange idea. I think this would nee more exploration for the reader to understand.]
After this point I felt that the poem gets a bit repetetive and without the structure of the arguement, it doesn't stand up as well. It's a nice way to put down your ideas though and I won't go into more detail since you've said it's just a quick write. See you around,
Heather xxx
Hey CHANG,
Normally I don't like poetry like this at all because I don't believe in God but I kind of liked this but at bits of this I felt like the poem got a bit intense, and self-righteous but thats just me. I liked the imagery especially the bits about the invisible fingers because I understood what you meant by it.
Anger
Hi there.
You are my hero.
No, really.
I've been seeing so many religious poems circling YWS. Not just about Christianity, but about Atheistim and Agnosticism (which I kind of classify the absence of religions, but whatever). And this pretty much sums up what I always try to tell everyone. It's so hard for me to describe, explain, but this is pretty much what it boils down to; I can feel him. He's there, and I can feel him with me.
This was beautiful. I'm not much of a poet, so I didn't note much wrong with it. Great job. I really enjoyed this.
Love & Blessings,
Aushy
Bahahaaaaa, no. This is absolutely not denying the existance of God. xD It's the questions I get asked about my faith everday - about my answers. It's a bit of an argument I'm having with everybody I've ever argued with. Er... 'debated' might be a better word.
Absolutely! xD As long as people don't take the credit for my work and though, I don't care.
I'm glad you guys liked it so much, and I'll try to fix up what you pointed out. ^^
Kidding.
I'm gonna number my comments by stanza, instead of quoting, for the most part.
1. I LOVE THIS STANZA. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
....Actually, you probably do, since you wrote it.
2. I was expecting wind, but I think I like oxygen better.
And yes. So true.
3. ...you have to feel it to understand it. Others just don't get that. It's like knowing what wet is, or the story of the kid in a closet, who doesn't know the outside world except for pictures.
4. Hahaha! The only high I ever get is a spiritual high.
......that makes me sound weird. But it's true.
5. I really like this "fingers and eyelashes" imagery.
6. I love it when a person randomly starts laughing in youth group worship. Best. Night. Ever.
7. Yep. If it's all in my head, I'm a fool-- but I'd rather be a fool for this than for anything else. (Love this.)
8. Hrm. Hiding? I've never heard this before. What do you mean?
9. Hahaha, I love this stanza.
LOVE THIS ENDING.
Overall...... THIS WAS AWESOME.
Can I save this? Like, to my computer? I'll be sure to have your name on it.
I didn't really understand what's meant by this poem. I'm sorry. I'm just stupid I believe. Is it about denying the existence of God?
Hey there! First off, let me say...I LOVED this poem. It is simple, but I really enjoyed reading it. There were only a couple things that I found wrong with it... but not very many
“It’s what you’ve been taught.”
How many times have I
heard that one?
“You only believe because,
they tell you to.”
No, dear person, that would
make me a hypocrite. Wonderful opening! I loved it!
“You can’t see Him,
how do you know that
He’s there?”
You can’t see oxygen either,
but that’s what sustains us.
“But there’s proof that it’s there.”
And obviously, you’ve never
felt what I have.
When invisible eyelashes
touch you're cheek,
and unseen fingers trace
every single line
in your hand -
when you can feel the
purest form of pleasure;
hear the sweetest
silence known to galaxy -
tell me then,
how can that not
be real?
“Clinical insanity.”
Ha, that answer amuses
me. I loved this line!!!! Favorite of all of them!
“You all got high before
you attended.”
Why would I need to get
high, if I could just go up?
“That was a stupid rebuttal,
and that giggle - what
was that?”
That, my dear person, is
what happens when
invisible fingers and eyelashes
find their way
back to me.
Tell me, then,
Have you ever had anybody
stuff laughter down
you throat?
In the most literal sense, I mean.
“I should hope not.”
Well, I have, and personally,
I feel awfully sorry for you.
“But, what if you’re wrong?
What if all of this is
in your head?”
What if? I’ll be fine.
And why do you take the chance?
“Why should I believe in what
can’t be proven?”
Why deny the proof of
what’s there?
You’re sitting there watching me,
trembling on the floor -
the random bursts of giggles,
or suppressed squeals of delight.
You can see the pleasure that
conceals my eyes - makes them
totally invisible.
You can hardly even find
me anymore,
because of the delight that
just so happens to be
hiding me.
He is hiding me,
and you can’t even see it. I didn't really get this stanza...maybe a little rewording would make it more clear
No proof?
What’s all of this then?
Hypocrisy?
You haven’t met yourself.
Insanity?
You try it - I dare you.
What I’ve been taught?
How can you teach feeling bliss?
Why believe?
How could I - how could you - not?
What if you’re wrong?
My dear person -
I’m not wrong. Beautiful ending!