I saw today
a little golden bird, perched
high upon a bar stool; she sings
to me, sometimes
I imagine
this is how it must feel to fly
too close
to the sun
I told her my wings
are not yet gone or
burned away -
only misplaced
but I think
I like them better
lost
tell me, little bird
do you fear nothing
are you not ashamed
of what you are
and could I
ever be as fragile
and forgive me, little bird
all my life they taught me
it is a far better sin
to fall in love
with your feathers
than the contours
of your spine
or the aura
of your skin
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140,075 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hey there earendil, I am going to review your poem and what a lovely little poem it is too. Why I say that out of all that I have stumbled upon in my travels, I have not yet stumbled upon something that speaks of the countours of ones spine coupled with a golden bird, all in the same poem. It is genius. Utterly pure genius I say. You my friend have the makings of being able to produce a second equally as good if not greater poem, I swear it! I can sense it in the message of your poem, and I can see it lurking behind your structure. Of course as I am a little bit late on this review you might have already penned this poem that I speak of! It would be a great thing if you had, a great thing indeed. The world becomes a better place indeed when a little more beauty and creativity is spilled into it.
I told her my wings
are not yet gone or
burned away -
only misplaced
but I think
I like them better
lost
Those words right there. Lovely just lovely. So meaningful, so eye opening and enigmatic. It makes me feel as if I have been transported to another world. One where everybody might have wings, be they big or small.
Your whole poem is a lovely one I say.
Hey Earendil!
I think the idea of talking to a little bird seemed to emphasise the idea of the message, which was also good.
I just want to say, I really liked this poem. The message it brought was sweet, beautiful and made me feel like I was flying a bit just reading it
What I didn't like was the structure and the layout of the poem. Because of the way you order your sentences on the poem, it makes the reading feel a bit broken up to me. For example:
I saw today,
a little golden bird,
perched upon a bar stool.
She sings to me,
and sometimes,
I imagine,
this is how it must feel to fly,
too close to the sun.
This makes the sentences seem more complete and whole. And having it like that, with the shortest sentence being 'I imagine' draws more focus to it. If you wanted to, you use long sentences and short sentences just for the parts you want to emphasise, words like fly and sun.
Apart from the layout, I really enjoyed it. Keep writing!
Deanie x
Oh wow, this poem is super good.
I can imagine this piece through my imagination.
I would like to read more of your poetry and be able to connect with them too.
Please continue this writing you got going.
Keep up the good work!!
Good luck and have fun with it