Cover art for Shadow's Rising {Wing 5} Chapter 1

Shadow's Rising {Wing 5} Chapter 1

by dragonight9

Published December 28, 2024

12+

In Shadow's Rising Wing 5

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Chapter 1

Queen Sear of the Flame Wings

Smolder glided closer and closer to My. Pyre, his scales reflecting the light of the volcano below. Soon Jarid could see over the rim and into the mountain crater. It was impressive to say the least.

The crater covered the top of the entire mountain and was more than twice the size of the largest city Jarid had ever seen. The lip of the crater formed a natural wall which dropped quickly to a flat plain at the bottom of the crater on which the dragon city was built. Jarid could both see and feel the haze of heat emanating from it. On the far side of the volcanic crater there was a lake of lava, from which rivers of it flowed to all four corners of the city, bathing the city in a molten red glow.

A large and intricately carved structure was built on the closer side of the lava lake which Jarid assumed to be the palace of the Flame Wing Queen. A small stretch of land jutted out from it and connected to a small island in the middle of the lake where a shining gold building was built. Or at least, the island seemed small from up here in the sky.

Other than the palace, most of the city seemed to be a confusing maze of dragon sized buildings made of hardened lava rock and other bits of stone. There were numerous gems of varying sizes set into the walls or roofs of many buildings near the castle that reflected the light of the lava and added hues of green, blue, and purple to the red glow. From up here it was the most enchanting place Jarid had ever seen before. He realised it was probably always like this since the ash blocked out the sun leaving no way to tell day from night.

It had many similarities to a human city but there were also buildings that had no discernible function and large pillars dotted about the city. Each pillar was around the thickness of four dragon houses and varied in height from the height of a castle wall up to twice the height of the tallest tower Jarid had ever seen. They had strange holes, polls, platforms, and sculptures dotted about their entire height. There were also no walls of visible defenses of any kind, not that he could imagine dragons needing any.

“Here they come.” Smolder growled calmly. Jarid saw where he was looking and noticed three Flame Wings flying up to greet them.

“Well, I guess we should just hope they’re friendly,” Jarid joked. He could feel Smolder rolling his eyes as he tilted towards them.

“Just stay quiet. I’ll do all the talking. We can find this dragon born who might help you later. First, I need to see my mother,” Smolder said as he focused on the fast-approaching dragons.

Jarid nodded and hunkered down on Smolder’s back. He was pretty sure Smolder would keep any other dragons from trying to eat him, but he had to be careful. Up until now he was able to take his time befriending the dragons he’d met safely but now he was practically at their mercy. If Smolder didn’t protect him, he doubted he could take on three fully grown dragons on his own even with his training.

“Rogue Flame Wing! Identify yourself,” one of the dragon guards growled. “Where did you come from and why are you here?”

Smolder took a deep breath and straitened his back so that he was almost vertical which made Jarid feel like he was going to fall off. Then he saluted the soldiers.

“I am prince Smolder. Son of Queen Sear and I have just escaped from the human prison where I was being held captive. I have returned and wish to speak with my mother at once.” Smolder stated in a formal tone.

The dragons looked at each other in surprise. And suspicion.

“We have never seen Prince Smolder before, and it’s been years since he was captured by humans. How do we know you are the prince?” one asked, raising an eyebrow.

Smolder sighed. “Just take me to my mother. She will confirm my identity. But if you are just going to keep us waiting than get Vitrifon. He is still captain of the castle guard, isn’t he? I am sure he will recognise me as well,” Smolder growled impatiently. One of the guards nodded and few back down into the city.

“Vitrifon is the general now. Got too old for active duty some say, though you’d better not mention it around him. He can still kick your tail if he feels like it,” one of the remaining guards joked as they both chuckled for a bit.

“What’s that strange thing you got on? Some kind of chain from the human prison?” The other guard asked looking over Smolder’s shoulder. His eyes widened when he spotted Jarid. “You’ve got one of those humans hanging on you right now. Let me peel him off for you.” He said moving forward.

“No!” Smolder said, a bit more forcefully than he had intended. The guard stopped in surprise at the outburst. “Sorry, this human helped me to escape the prison and wanted to come with me. I promised that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt him,” Smolder said firmly, putting himself between Jarid and the guard.

The guard lost his shocked expression as he burst out laughing.

“Ha! Ha! Ha! What are you going to do with it? Keep it as a pet? You’d better not let it wander around or somebody’s going to snap it up for a midnight snack.”

Jarid knew this dragon had no idea he was understanding a word of what was being said but he couldn’t help thinking about the prospect of these dragons trying to eat him. He knew that it would make most people shiver in fright to hear themselves be described as a midnight snack, yet he found himself wondering how they would react if their food started talking to them. They’d probably be terrified and try to get away from him as quick as possible.

As he was pondering how dragons would react to talking food, his thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a large and quite round dragon. He was three times Smolder’s size and around one and a half times the size of the other guards. His scales were also faded a bit and much more wrinkled. Especially around his eyes which widened as he grew closer.

“Smolder? Is that really you?” Vitrifon whispered as he got within a few wingbeats of them.

“Yes, it is sir. I am so happy to see you again.” Smolder said with a smile. Relaxing for the first time that day. He stuck out his claw and the old dragon took it in his hands, smiling with tears in his eyes.

“Oh, it is so good to see you again my prince. You have grown into a fine young dragon. I’m sure your mother will be… glad, to know you have returned safely. Come, it is time for you to return to the palace.”

Jarid had seen a flicker of doubt and maybe sadness cross his face, but he didn’t know why. Had something happened to Smolder’s mother? Did she not want him back for some reason? Either way there was something unpleasant waiting for Smolder down in the Flame Wing city and Jarid prepared himself to stand by his friend no matter what it was.

Vitrifon whispered something to two of the guards. They flew quickly to the palace while the rest of the group descended into the Flame Wing city and landed in an open courtyard a fair distance from the palace.

The heat was not stifling as Jarid had expected but felt clean. Like it flowed strait into the center of his body. That was not to say it was any less hot. Jarid had rarely been bothered by even the hottest days in the forge, but this was making him sweat so much it was dripping off his face.

He tried to ignore it for now and instead asked Smolder a question using the mind stone in case the other dragons overheard.

Why did we land so far from the palace?

Unless there is an emergency, it is impolite to fly directly into the palace unannounced. Vitrifon likely sent those other two guards to prepare for our arrival.

Jarid nodded and began looking around the city.

There were a few dragons out on the street, but they quickly hurried out of the way. Many of them looked tired and depressed. The houses here looked like large caves made of plain stone with round openings sometimes covered with a strange kind of pale silk blanket. It must have been very heat resistant to not burn up here. From what he could see through the few open doors there was just simple furnishings like beds, tables, rugs, and shelves inside.

As they continued on, they passed a street that reminded Jarid of the market he had passed through on his way to Dragon Rider Academy. Its stalls were dragon sized of course but the big difference was that there was barely anyone there and the stalls were all nearly empty. There was a kind of sad atmosphere and Jarid wondered why it was so empty.

It didn’t used to be like this. Smolder answered. I wasn’t allowed outside much but this was one of the places I visited often. It used to be full of dragons displaying the prey they hunted or plants they harvested. There were even a few stalls where the rich could buy jewels. Many common dragons also had jewels in their houses. The glow of many houses filled the street with color.

I suppose the market closed when prey became scarce. Now the common dragons have been forced to sell their jewels for food. We can live off the mana in the air for a while but even common dragons can’t eat nothing forever. I can’t believe how much it’s changed. It reminds me of how I imagined the slums would look when I was prince.

Jarid patted his friend on the neck. You are still prince. Which means you can help make it better, right?

Smolder nodded and brightened up a bit.

Unfortunately for Jarid he couldn’t enjoy the moment as the heat was becoming unbearable. He wondered how any living thing could possibly enjoy living here. Then he remembered what his magic teacher had said about dragons and magic. They lived in regions where magic was strong, and it flowed through them. Humans on the other hand didn’t let magic flow through them but instead used magic within for strength. But what if he tried to absorb the magic instead and use it to cool himself?

Jarid closed his eyes as the dragons approached the place and concentrated on relaxing. With every deep breath in he pulled in the magic around him, and with every exhale he surrounded himself with ice magic. It took most of the journey through the massive palace to work it out but eventually he was able to get into a good rhythm. He tried to increase the strength of his ice magic but the most he could manage was a cool breeze around him for a few seconds. It was still hot but at least it was somewhat bearable now.

As Jarid opened his eyes once more he saw that they were walking up to a pair of giant doors made of obsidian and inlaid with gold. Jarid couldn’t help but stare in awe at them and he quickly glanced back regretting that he had missed out on most of the palace.

“Now presenting the returned prince of the Flame Wings… Smolder!” A guard announced. Jarid quickly faced forward again and flattened himself on Smolder’s back. The guards pulled the door open and stood to the side so they could enter.

Smolder took a deep breath and Jarid patted his shoulder comfortingly. Here we go mother. Let’s see if you’ve changed at all in the time that I’ve been imprisoned, Jarid heard Smolder think through the mind stone.

He was probably just thinking aloud and Jarid felt a bit guilty for listening in, so he took off his rider’s helmet and stuffed it in his saddle bag as they entered the throne room. Jarid peaked around Smolder’s neck to admire the room.

Most of the walls were decorated with jewels and gold while the roof far above them had a mosaic of a Flame Wing Queen being coronated with a beautiful crown made entirely from precious stones.

Queen Sear sat on her throne watching them as they came in with the stern, unreadable expression of a ruler. She was about average for an adult dragon, that is to say, she was only slightly smaller than an elephant. Her scales were a radiant deep red with small gold flecks that looked painted on the tip of each scale. Her wings were tucked behind her in a rigidly formal way while her tail curled around the base of the throne from behind. She had piercing blue eyes like sapphire and two short, straight horns with gold patterns wrapping each.

The doors closed behind them with a boom. Jarid expected the queen to relax now that it was just her and Smolder in the throne room, but she continued to watch Smolder with a superior expression until he stopped and stood, strait backed, at attention. Then she nodded slightly.

“Well at least you haven’t forgotten how to behave before your queen.” 

Her growl made Jarid jump after the tense silence. There didn’t seem to be any hint of affection or relief in her voice to indicate she was glad her son had returned alive.

Smolder let out a sigh so small that if Jarid hadn’t been riding on his back he would have missed it. Jarid realised Smolder was probably expecting this response from her which he thought was kind of sad, but perhaps that was just how mothers treated their kids in the Flame Wing tribe.

“I will hear a full account of your time in the human realm after allowing yourself to be captured in due time but first there are a few things to address,” Queen Sear began. Smolder clenched slightly when the queen referenced his kidnapping as allowing himself to be captured but the queen went on.

“First is that foolish garment you are wearing. You should discard it immediately. I can smell human from here. Second…” She began but Smolder raised his talon. The queen frowned at his interruption but waved for him to speak.

“I am sorry for interrupting my queen but in order to rid myself of these garments I must explain part of my story to you and request a small favor. Nothing that would cost you anything of course.” He quickly added before nodding to Jarid. Jarid nodded and quickly dismounted. As soon as the queen noticed him, she jerked back on her throne with a look of panic and disgust before quickly gaining control of herself.

“Smolder. Why, exactly, have you brought a HUMAN into MY throne room?” She growled, barely containing her rage.

“I know you despise them after what happened to father, but this human helped me escape from my captors and reach the palace safely. In return, I promised him safety while he was here and escort to the temple,” Smolder explained.

The queen’s expression changed from boiling rage to stern disapproval, but before she could say anything Jarid reached into his bag and brought out the jewels given to him by the commander. The sparkled in the firelit throne room and quickly caught the queen’s attention as Jarid laid them out before her.

Queen Sear paused as she considered the offering.

“Very well. I can grant that… thing, safety while it is here. Provided it does not touch any of our riches,” she declared.

Jarid had bowed as soon as he set out the jewels but quickly realised that the queen saw him as no more than a rodent and such formality was unnecessary. He quickly set about taking the saddle off Smolder. The queen watched him with disgust for a moment before turning back to Smolder.

“As I was saying, the second thing we need to address is your…” The queen was cut off once more as one of the side doors to the throne room burst open and in tumbled a young dragonet that looked to be about three years old. Behind her a couple of dragons Jarid assumed to be castle staff dropped their talons in defeat as they watched the little dragon scramble to her feet and run towards the queen. The queen glared at the staff members and opened her arms as the little dragon leapt into her lap.

“Mommy! Mommy! Those mean teachers were making me do all the numbers. I don’t know how to put them all together, and they were getting really mad at me!” She cried. Smolder’s eyes widened and he stumbled back in shock.

“Now what have I told you about interrupting me while I am in a meeting Hearth? You must wait in the hall until I’m done.” The queen chided gently.

“But moooommyyyyyyy. They were chasing me.” Hearth cried punching Sear’s shoulders with her little fists. The queen certainly seemed to be affectionate enough with her. But why not Smolder? And more importantly… 

Since when did Smolder have a sister?! 

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
yoshikrab
Review
yoshikrab wrote a review Review · Aug 31, 2025

Hey dragonight!

I've been seeing this work in the green room for a while and decided to give it a shot. I'll try to leave a review whenever I can!

Looking at some other reviews, it looks like this is the FIFTH volume of your series??? which is.... wow!! you must have put a lot of work into this story and it shows. I can feel the really strong worldbuilding, from the dragons' society to the contrast with the humans (scavengers,,, anyone???) which reminds me a lot of Wings of Fire. Actually, when I first started reading, I thought it was a WoF fic cause I saw Smolder (the SandWing) and the you had Flame Wings so maybe it was a new type of dragon idk...

but after reading a bit there's some big differences (maybe I need to read some of the earlier books to understand) between your story and WoF so I'll try not to compare them if you'd prefer I don't.

I was mostly intrigued by the magic system, especially the difference between the way humans and dragons treat magic that Jarid so kindly explained to me, so thanks for that.

Other than that, I'm excited to see where this story will take me even though I'm probably missing a lot of context. But on the other hand(talon), I think a separate book should be able to give enough context that doesn't require backreading.

Anyway.. see you in the next few chapters!!

-yosh out

Thanks so much for giving this a read! (and yes, I was heavily inspired by WoF. If you read Wing 2 you may see more similarities).

I should probably do a bit of explaining at the start of each Wing, but I plan for it to be one book split into six parts, so the reader wouldn't be lacking as much context.
Still, not a bad idea to describe the characters again.

Random avatar
Ravena
Review
Ravena wrote a review Review · Feb 2, 2025

Hello, My Friend!

Back from a long battle with technical issues, with a long-overdue review XD It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the opening chapter of this new Wing, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What The Black Eyes See
~ A full analysis and breakdown


Gosh, this opening covered just about everything I was hoping it would--and then some! Given what we do--and don't--know about Flame Wings and their territory by now, I was both nervous and excited to see what Jarid would find. A thriving dragon city hiding a dark secret, or a slum that wears its issues on its sleeve? Looks like a little bit of both! Let's get into the details though.

Plot and Pacing: Great! We got to catch up with Jarid and Smolder exactly as we left off, we were given an amazing introduction to the Flame Wing's volcanic city, and even got to meet Sear and some unexpected new characters. I very much enjoyed all the first impressions--it gives us so much to think about, without being too overt.

Descriptions and Setting: Brilliant! I thought your descriptions of the dragon city were just gorgeous!! With details on the use of magic, what a typical day looks like (and used to look like), and the dragons' body language, it also feels like you're really building up the dragons' culture here. Descriptions for the characters were likewise great, though I noticed a little dip in the visual details of Sear and Hearth--not a big deal either way, just something I wanted to note for this area.

Characterization: My GOSH, where to begin?! I feel like we're seeing a different side of Smolder as he interacts with fellow dragons. I'm pleasantly surprised to see how willing and ready he was to defend Jarid, and I can already see this interesting approach he has to Sear as a queen, and the problems in his territory. On the flip-side, it's nice to see Jarid trying to support Smolder--not out of fear for what will happen to him without a dragon bodyguard, but genuine concern for his wellbeing.

As for Sear, Hearth, and Vitrifon, love the dynamics going on here. Sear very blatantly displays callousness, greed, and favoritism all in one chapter, giving a very...not great first impression of her character, and a bit of insight into what could be going wrong in this territory--and where Smolder's bitter attitude might've come from. I don't want to come down too hard on Hearth yet since she's just a little dragon and sounds adorable (haha), but thus far her attitude seems just a bit bratty. And finally, Vitrifon--a bit of balance to all this negativity, I love how he has this sort of grandfather or mentor-like energy with Smolder. Just a sweet old dragon trying to help the prince out. Overall, a great cast to kick off with!

Grammar and Wording: I did catch a couple of minor things, which I dropped below in the next section. Otherwise, all good!

Where The Dagger Points
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations


Not much to put here! Let’s break it down…

On the far side of the volcanic crater there was a lake of lava from which rivers of it flowed to all four corners of the city bathing it all in a molten red glow.


I felt like this sentence was a bit of a run-on moment. Perhaps adding a comma before "bathing it all in a molten red glow" would help?

We’ve never seen prince smolder before, and it’s been years since he was captured by humans.


Wow, this really put the timeline of Smolder's capture into perspective! But anyway, the reason I put it here was that Smolder's name wasn't capitalized. Likewise, I think "prince" should be capitalized in the same way "Queen" is.

It used to be full of dragons displaying the prey they hunted or plants they harvested. There were even a few stalls where the rich could by jewels.


Again, love this line, the only reason I put it here was that "by" should be "buy" I think.

That’s all! Great writing job!

Why The Grin Widened
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts


Oh my gosh, where to even begin?! It's too early to form any solid theories for me, but I'm already curious if and how we're going to see anything linking back to Scorch, Ash, maybe even some clues about Surge?? Oooo...

As for reactions:

most of the city seemed to be a confusing maze of dragon sized buildings made of hardened lava rock and other bits of stone. There were numerous gems of varying sizes set into the walls or roofs of many buildings near the castle that reflected the light of the lava and added hues of green, blue, and purple to the red glow.


I LOVE the descriptions of the city. It's like the perfect mix of primal, with the hard lava stone and rivers of lava, but refined with details like the gemstones (my favorite element thus far--sounds gorgeous) and the marketplace. Props for setting design!

“Yes, it is sir. I am so happy to see you again.” Smolder said with a smile. Relaxing for the first time that day. He stuck out his claw and the old dragon took it in his hands, smiling with tears in his eyes.


Aw, as mentioned before, I love how you showed off a bit of the bond that Smolder and Vitrifon have here. Something tells me that Vitrifon will have to step in to help them before this Wing ends, and I'm excited to see what his role will be.

Humans on the other hand didn’t let magic flow through them but instead used magic within for strength. But what if he tried to absorb the magic instead and use it to cool himself?


Super cool way to not only show off how uninhabitable Flame Wing territory is to humans, but how Jarid will make due!

“Very well. I can grant that… thing, safety while it is here. Provided it does not touch any of our riches,” she declared.


The fact that Sear changes her mind on a dime with just a bag of gems...Thus far I am highly suspicious of her character--whether she's just a bad queen/mother, or something worse, I don't know. But I have my eye on her >.>

Since when did Smolder have a sister?!


Since Hearth is so young, and it's been years since Smolder was taken, I'm so curious about this whole situation! Did Smolder even know about her before now? Huh!

Our Mad Thoughts...


Overall, that was an incredible opener for the new Wing, and I can't wait to catch up! Great work! :D


Thus concludes my review. To leave off, here are some inspiring quotes, courtesy of your resident Poe freak ~

"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."

Thanks so much for the review, and glad to have you back!

I will certainly add more description for queen Sear but I held off on Hearth since I describe her in more detail in the next chapter.

Also, I was curious if it was clear how much more beautiful the city used to be vs now.
I mentioned this in earlier chapters, but dragons in this world can actually use the dense mana in the air of a mana zone as energy. Meaning they can go for a very long time without food. Thus making the fact that there is a food shortage even here all the more desperate. Was this clear in the chapter?

Thanks ;)

User avatar
CrimsonTears
Review
CrimsonTears wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2024

Hello hello! It tis me! SkyVibes! But you can call me Sky! Let’s get into it shall we?

Starting with the title, I’m not entirely sure what {Wing 5} means. I do know this is the first chapter obviously though. If Wing 5 means book 5, please ignore my stupidity. I do really like the title of this book as I find it eye catching and intriguing which is important to an author because you don’t want a story with a boring title! Now moving onto the chapter’s title…I first of all love the name. I was a big fan of Wings of Fire and I’m assuming this is your own spin on the series since you included the name “Flame Wings” which is similar to Sutherland’s dragon type names. This is a great way to gain a reading community interested in dragons considering Wings of Fire is a popular series regarding dragons.

I’m assuming this has something to do with dragons being that you’re using the word “scales” in the first sentence. I like how you add in the minor detail that the scales reflect the light. Details add so much flavor to a literature piece and this is perfect!

I am a little confused as to why these possible dragons have human names like Jarid but I shall keep reading!

Other than the palace, most of the city seemed to be a confusing maze of dragon sized buildings made of hardened lava rock and other bits of stone.


Ah okay so this is a dragon series! Otherwise this would be a mansion for a mere human lol! I like how you add the details of how these are made. This is again something that makes me think of Wings of Fire because if I remember correctly Sutherland added the detail of how dragons made their homes, like RainWings. This is something not a lot of people think about but dragons being an animal species build homes to fit their environment. This makes me think the land they are is somewhat desolate and not many trees being there is a volcano with active lava. But perhaps some plant growth thrives from the sea.

“Well, I guess we should just hope they’re friendly,” Jarid joked. He could feel Smolder rolling his eyes as he tilted towards them.


This sentence makes me think that Jarid might not be a Flame Wing. Since Smolder is coming to speak with his mother I can piece together that Smolder is a Flame Wing. If Jarid is not the same breed of dragon then this is probably why the other Flame Wings wouldn’t be friendly towards him. OR MAYBE SMOLDER IS A TRAITOR??????? I shall keep reading. This is very fascinating to me.

“Rogue Flame Wing! Identify yourself,” one of the dragon guards growled. “Where did you come from and why are you here?”


Omg “Rogue”???????? Am I right about Smolder??? But also this proves to me more that Jarid is not the same breed as this is a singular noun, not plural which would include Jarid.

Smolder took a deep breath and straitened his back so that he was almost vertical which made Jarid feel like he was going to fall off. Then he saluted the soldiers.


Hm okay. Perhaps Jarid is not the same breed because he is a human ???

A minor editing note I would like to mention is that in my opinion I believe when Smolder is answer of who he is, the word “prince” should be capitalized since this is a title. Just like Queen Sear’s name is capitalized.

“We’ve never seen prince smolder before, and it’s been years since he was captured by humans. How do we know you are the prince?” one asked, raising an eyebrow.


Also, where I have italicized your sentence, the words should be capitalized.

“What’s that strange thing you got on? Some kind of chain from the human prison?” The other guard asked looking over Smolder’s shoulder. His eyes widened when he spotted Jarid. “You’ve got one of those humans hanging on you right now. Let me peel him off for you.” He said moving forward.


HE IS HUMAN!!! AH HA!!!

Jarid knew this dragon had no idea he was understanding a word of what was being said but he couldn’t help thinking about the prospect of these dragons trying to eat him.


This is another detail I find fascinating. It makes me think that maybe not all humans understand dragons or maybe they do and dragons don’t understand humans can understand them except for Smolder.

I like the details you add about the dragons having a mind stone. However, I would add further detail or who is asking the question and who is replying as at first glance I missed this mind stone detail and was confused about the sentences revolving around that as I thought it was Jarid’s own thoughts.

Queen Sear sat on her throne watching them as they came in with the stern, unreadable expression of a ruler.


I don’t know how old Smolder is but this tells me his mother has been ruling for a good minute as the stern, unreadable expression of a ruler shows experience.

As soon as the queen noticed him, she jerked back on her throne with a look of panic and disgust before quickly gaining control of herself.


I like how you begin to show her utter shock of a human being in her throne room. However, if she is a dragon, I would add a detail that maybe her wings flared out to really drive it home that she is shocked.

The queen makes me think of Tsunami and her sister’s relationship with their mother Queen Coral. The separation of one sibling does cause a difference in a relationship of a parent and I like how you show this detail at the end of the story.

I also LOVE how you end the chapter. This isn’t a boring chapter and you add a question that a reader also has. This compels the reader to continue reading and that’s an accomplishment!

Overall I loved reading this little story and I will continue to read it!
Have a wonderful day/night! Soar high and keep on writing!
-Sky

Thanks for the review!

I wasn't sure about the capitalization on a few things so thanks for pointing that out.
As for how the Wing in the title works, this is part 5 of my book titled 'Shadow's Rising' and the previous parts can be found in my portfolio. That's why some things may go unexplained since the reader should know it already (but I do try to give reminders/refreshers here and there)

I hope you continue to enjoy reading :)

User avatar
Snoink
Review
Snoink wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2024

LOL! I had a FEELING that Smolder might have a new sibling that he didn't know about, hahaha. I feel slightly vindicated now that the chapter is over! :D

Anyway! This seems like I've jumped into the middle of a series, which is kind of cool (ahhh another series writer, yay!) but also slightly confusing, haha. So! Here's some suggestions from someone jumping in... take them or leave them, I guess. XD

I thought you did a really good job at setting the scene up for the most part! Though I realize that this isn't your first book, I felt like I had a fairly good grasp on what was happening, even though all of these characters are clearly new to me. There's a couple of things I think it would be cool to touch on though...

At first, I didn't realize that Jarid was a human! In fact it was this line that first clued me in...

Jarid nodded and hunkered down on Smolder’s back.


I think you could probably add a description in a little earlier that might help set it up. Like, maybe Jarid can lean forward in his saddle to look at the dragon city. Or maybe he can compare what a dragon city looks like to a human city and present his opinions on it -- which honestly sounds completely fascinating to me, so I would probably be excited about that, even though it admittedly slows down the story a tiny bit. But still! Digressions can be fun. :)

Another thing that might be fun is if you talked a little bit more about how they communicate. Do they speak in a common language at first? Is Jarid speaking in the dragon language? Could Smolder be talking in the human language? Do they share the same language? Knowing such a thing might be a fun thing that helps set the story better.

Also, it might be good to set up their relationship a bit more? It seems like they're friends, but also the dragons might view him as Smolder's food, a threat, or a pet... it's rather hard to tell. It might be good if Smolder tried to prepare Jarid for how to act, regarding manners, and what to do and not to do. Not only would it help prepare us readers so we get to enter the dragon world with Jarid, but it would also be good for Jarid, just in case he did something rude. So, basically, it's a win-win situation for both Jarid and the reader... yay!

Another thing... it might be fun if Smolder tried to prepare Jarid for dealing with his mother. Like, you have a little bit of the anxiety about meeting his mother for the first time and everything, along with Jarid's sheer curiosity, but it might be fun for Smolder to be like, "ALL RIGHT. This is what you SHOULDN'T do. Just like meeting your friend's parents for the first time... it's bound to be exciting!

But yeah! This is very well-written and engaging. Good job! :)

Thanks for your advice!

This is simply part 5 (or Wing 5) of the same book so some things like Jarid being human and able to speak the dragon language have already been thoroughly explored. However, comparing the dragon city to a human city sounds like a great idea. I'll make a note of that for editing.
Thanks ;)



There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
— Arthur C. Clarke