Cover art for Shadow's Rising {Wing 5} Chapter 12

Shadow's Rising {Wing 5} Chapter 12

by dragonight9

Published July 8, 2025

12+

In Shadow's Rising Wing 5

Author's note: The bolded lines within this chapter are meant to be in the dragon language but I have left them in human for ease of reading and reviewing.

Chapter 12

Through the fire and the flame

Jarid could hardly believe his eyes. Lt. Briar was standing just inside the clearing, but he was far different now than when they had last fought. Before, he had been fighting Lt. Briar the physical combat instructor, now he would be up against Lt. Briar the dragon knight warrior.

After the initial shock, Jarid was slightly surprised by the lack of fear he felt. The armor and dragon were certainly intimidating but he felt nowhere near the same magical aura coming off him as Brazor. Even the Flame Wing wasn’t the scariest dragon he had seen recently. In fact, he rather felt sorry for it. He had no doubt Briar treated it terribly.

“Ha, ha! That’s right, peasant. Cower in the face of noble power!” Dominic laughed. “Shall I cut off his escape sir?”

Lt. Briar growled angrily at his interruption. His furious gaze turned to the young man beside him. “What do you think you can do? You pathetic excuse for a noble. You allowed yourself to be beaten multiple times by this coward, and even shamed the honor of nobility by fleeing in fear from him!”

He grabbed Dominic by his neck and lifted him off the ground. Dominic’s legs flailed and his hands plucked helplessly at the thick fingers encircling his neck.

“I brought him here didn’t I? I did as you asked. Why?” he wheezed.

“I will not allow you to further shame us. If you wish to reclaim even the slightest ounce of honor as a noble, you can serve me as my hostage. There is no greater honor than dying for the cause of a noble. You should know that.”

Dominic’s eyes widened before becoming downcast as he stopped struggling.

“Hmph. seems you know your place,” Lt. Briar grunted before turning his gaze to Jarid.

“I know you commoners don’t have the guts to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve victory. But you… you even saved the one who betrayed you when the slavers came. Such weakness cannot be allowed to poison the nobility any further. If you try to flee I will kill this boy and come after you on my dragon. If you escape I will start killing your friends until you return to fight me. You can’t run away. So come here boy. I will feed your flesh to my dragon and scatter your bones across this forest.”

Jarid was slightly grateful for Briar’s little speech. It had given him plenty of time to re-compose himself, but now he was sick of it. All his old anger was slowly bubbling to the surface. After activating both his mana cloak and physical enhancement he walked across the field towards his opponent. Jarid closed his eyes as he walked forward focusing on his mana and entering the first stage of the dragonthro transformation.

Lt. Briar grinned and held Dominic in front of him like a shield. “There are no dirty tricks in war boy. I will show you the power of a true dragon knight!”

Briar sprinted forward and threw a flame-enhanced punch with his free hand. Jarid’s expression was one of calm fury. He leaned to the side as the punch grazed his barrier, then he placed a hand on Lt. Briar’s breastplate.

“Huh? What do you think you’re-”

Lt. Briar’s armor cracked as Jarid squeezed it before blasting him back with a small explosion in the palm of his hand. The blow sent Briar flying out of the clearing and into the trees. Brazor had called the technique of using small explosions to create force, deflagration. Jarid had enjoyed learning its uses.

Dominic dropped to the ground as the force caused Lt. Briar to lose his grip. Dominic coughed and drew in raspy breaths. Then he gritted his teeth with a glance at Lt. Briar.

“He’s insane. How could he do that to someone?”

Jarid couldn’t believe the irony. “Ha. You are no different, Dominic. In fact, if you continue as you are, I have no doubt you will become just like him. He truly believes he is better than you, just as you did for me. Your refusal to believe otherwise has blinded you and prevented you from any chance at real growth. Leave or stay I don’t really care, just don’t get in my way.”

Dominic cowered under Jarid’s gaze while his face fell in shame. Jarid ignored him and turned towards the Flame Wing. He reached up and crushed the mind gem on its forehead. The dragon’s body wobbled as if unfamiliar with how to stand on its own. Jarid quickly removed the rest of the riding gear strapped to its back.

Standing in front of the dragon he held its head in his hands and pet its snout compassionately.

Leave quickly before your master returns. I am sorry for the pain we have caused. He whispered to the dragon.

The dragon’s eyes widened in surprise and confusion. Then Jarid pushed its head away to get it moving. The Flame Wing glanced back even as it moved away, flapping its wings awkwardly to get off the ground.

Jarid watched it go but the moment was interrupted by the sound of trees crashing down and an arrogant laugh from the edge of the clearing. He turned back to find Dominic had fled and Lt. Briar was emerging from the crumbling trees he’d been knocked into.

“Ha, ha, ha. It seems I was not the only one holding back in our last fight. But I don’t want to play around with you this time,” Lt. Briar spoke, his voice dropping to an ominous growl. “I just want you to die.”

With a yell he threw out a stream of flame at Jarid while leaping forward to deliver a mighty blow.

Jarid saw it coming and sighed. The attack seemed so simple after everything Brazor had put him through. In fact, he was beginning to see this as more as a chance to test his abilities than as a deadly battle. So he decided to use only flames and experiment with everything he had been taught. Jarid condensed a fireball and threw it at Lt. Briar.

The fireball easily cut through the loosely spread flames and impacted Briar before he could even see it. This was quickly followed up by Jarid launching himself towards his opponent with deflagration beneath his feet. The fireball surprised and stunned Briar for a moment, giving Jarid the opportunity to punch him hard in the gut.

Lt. Briar was a seasoned warrior and, almost on instinct, he turned to absorb the blow and threw his own punch at Jarid’s midsection. The blow landed on Jarid’s mana shield which absorbed the damage and allowed Jarid time to react and grab Lt. Briar’s arm before flipping him and throwing him down into the ground. 

Jarid landed and dusted himself off. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he mulled over the impact, or rather, the lack of it. He had hardly felt anything from his opponent's blow.

Lt. Briar quickly scrambled to his feet and roared with rage at the sight of Jarid standing there calmly, before charging him with flame-enhanced fists.

They traded blows with Jarid’s mana shield and Lt. Briar’s armor taking the brunt of the hits. As the fight wore on, pieces of Lt. Briar’s armor began coming off. First his vambraces, then his shoulder guards, his leg pieces and shoes. At last his helmet cracked under the heat and he removed it to clear his vision. As he did so, Jarid used his opponent's temporary blindness to land a clear blow on his face causing him to stumble back. His breastplate was the only piece of armor left on him. The feeling of his fist striking flesh at full force felt disgusting even through the mana shield. 

Jarid shook off the feeling and prepared for Lt. Briar to launch back at him, but the Lt. had paused. He looked at Jarid with hatred and spat out some blood.

“You can’t beat me boy. You can’t escape your tainted blood. Today will end with one of us dead but no matter who it is, I’ve already won. If you kill me, you and your family will be executed for murdering a noble. And if I win…” he smiled with sadistic joy. “I’ll kill everyone you love, slowly.”

A wave of cold washed over Jarid. Lt. Briar opened his mouth to speak but before he could, Jarid dashed forward and punched him in the chest, shattering his breastplate and sending him through one tree and into the next. Lt. Briar coughed up more blood but his teeth clenched in a mad grin even as the blood dripped down his face.

“It’s useless! No matter how strong you are. You will never be able to protect them!” he roared as he launched a barrage of his fastest and strongest spells.

This time Jarid didn’t even bother dodging or using any spells. He simply strengthened his magic barrier and walked towards him. The heat of these flames was barely any hotter than simply walking through the Fire Mana zone. His rage now fueled him as his eyes glowed with draconic magic.

Lt. Briar watched in horror as Jarid seemed to simply walk through the hellfire of flames he was sending his way. He scrambled back and threw out his hand, letting out a stream of flame so intense the grass blackened and the nearby trees were charred.

Jarid continued to walk forward, slow and steady. A deep and menacing growl grew in his throat. His outline black against the raging flames except for his glowing draconic eyes.

Lt. Briar’s eyes widened as far as they would go as he froze at the peak of his fear. Jarid grabbed his arm, cutting off the flames. Then he bent it back until it snapped. Lt. Briar cried out in pain as tears welled up in his eyes. His fear finally tipped over into madness as he started laughing once more.

“Y-You can’t kill me. Ha, ha, ha! I am a noble. I am invincible! Kill me. Just try it. You will never escape. I’ve won! Ha, ha, haaaaaaagh!”

Jarid couldn’t bear to hear the sound of his voice anymore. Grabbing him by the throat, he slammed Lt. Briar against a tree and held him there with magically enhanced strength. Jarid could see the fear in his eyes, but what shocked him was that the cruelty and arrogance never left his gaze even now. Jarid had no doubt he would follow through with his threat if he let him go.

Yet, even so…

Something within him wouldn’t let him crush this monster’s throat. His anger drained away as he was confronted by the reality of killing another person. Could he really do it? Was there no other way? He had always believed that anyone could be redeemed if given the chance, but now he wasn’t so sure.

The smell of blood and the feeling of Lt. Brair's throat in his hands made him want to vomit. He could see the broken bone sticking out of Brair's arm and it made his own arm tremble. As his magic weakened so did his grip on Lt. Briar’s throat. 

The Lt. gasped and pulled at Jarid’s fingers. He could see Jarid’s hesitation and a goblin-like grin split his hideous face.

“You can’t do it. Can you, boy? And here I thought you’d be used to it considering how you dealt with those slavers. But deep down you’re just a scared commoner child. A true warrior wouldn’t hesitate to end his opponent’s life, but you are no warrior. You are no Dragon Rider,” he hissed.

Jarid’s grip tightened again and he raised his fist, charged with fire magic to deal the final blow. His face a grimace, trembling as he tried to force a look of fury. Tears ran down his face from the swirling emotions within.

“He is more of a dragon rider than you will ever be,” a calm and gruff voice spoke from behind Jarid.

The surprise and mess of emotions swirling within him caused Jarid to lose concentration on his magic as he spun around.

“Gunther!?” he called in surprise and relief.

Gunther nodded and came up to Jarid, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Being able to kill does not make you a warrior, and certainly not a dragon rider. The true strength of both is knowing when to spare a life. But you are still young. Such a decision should not be forced upon you yet. Though I fear it won’t be much longer. When such a time comes, remember this. A strong man can kill the weak and defend themselves, but the strongest of men is the one who can defeat the strong while defending the weak. Hesitation can mean death when facing an opponent as strong as you are, so don’t worry about your opponent’s life more than your friends’. Don’t regret it when you make a wrong call. Learn from it and move forward.”

That is how you turn the defeat of failure into the victory of growth, Jarid remembered.

Then Gunther moved past Jarid to stand before Lt. Briar choking on the ground. He glanced over his shoulder.

“You should get back to the academy. When that boy from Grey Squad told me what was happening, Ben had just lost his round. Move quickly since your round may be starting shortly. Don’t worry. I will deal with this man.”

Jarid hesitated for a moment but slowly started backing away. Then he turned and ran, picking up speed as he shook off the horrors of that moment. The smell of blood and smoldering trees hung in his nose long after he had left the clearing, but he couldn't afford to linger on what had happened there. He had to focus. Shadow was counting on him. If Steven lost too, then he would be the only thing standing between Black Squad and utter defeat.

With a burst of wind magic he rocketed off towards the academy, The guards at the gate seemed especially slow letting him back in but the moment the doors opened he sprinted towards the dragon dome. He could hear the chatter of the crowd as he drew closer and when he burst into the arena the crowd cheered with a sound like thunder echoing off the mountain.

The official announced above the crowd. “And Jarid of Black Squad enters the arena with nine seconds before disqualification!”

Jarid was breathing hard and it felt like his lungs were going to explode. Placing his hands on his knees he caught his breath for a moment before walking to the far side of the area where there was a large raised platform at the beginning of an intricate obstacle course. On the platform Logi stood waiting with his hand out for Jarid to shake.

Jarid hopped up onto the platform and went to shake Logi’s hand. As he did so Logi smiled triumphantly and dropped his hand. Jarid stood confused for a moment before the official cried out, “Ooooh! It looks like Jarid was unable to shake his opponent’s hand before time ran out. Therefore he is disqualified!”

The crowd roared in disapproval, they had been excited to see the upcoming match, but Jarid hardly noticed. He froze, unable to accept what had just happened. The lid he had hurriedly shoved over his emotions on the way here was now blown away. He was struggling just to keep his magic in check as his mind roiled.

What did this mean? It wasn’t fair! Who did this? The nobles. They cheated! My fault. Didn’t make it in time. What will happen to Shadow? My fault…

Ariel ran out into the arena and yelled at the official. “Jarid was here in time. It was never stated to any of us that we were required to shake hands. This is completely unfair!”

“Tsk, tsk, young lady,” the official replied in a superior, knowing voice. “If you had bothered to read article 60, subsection 9, clause 21, you would have known that in the event of absence for any official match a countdown will begin; giving the participant exactly one and a half minutes to enter the arena and shake their opponent’s offered hand so the match can begin. Perhaps if you were as studious as Logi you could have warned him. Ignorance of the law is no excuse.”

Jarid was still lost in the maelstrom of his thoughts when Logi interrupted them with a pitying laugh.

“Too bad, peasant. Unfortunately the will of the nobility is law, and that law is infallible. Your way of thinking puts our way of life at risk. Don’t get too down on yourself though. You never stood a chance. Besides, who really cares about the lives of a few dragons anyway?”

Jarid’s fists clenched and a dark aura of magic began leaking out as his entire body trembled with barely controlled rage. He quickly turned and walked away before he did something they would both regret. The platform cracked and groaned behind him as he left and the sand steamed slightly all the way to the edge of the arena.

He wasn’t about to give Logi the satisfaction of losing control. This wasn’t over yet. They were tied now and there was one event left. He would save his magic until then. No matter what, they were going to win.

No matter what, he was going to rescue Shadow.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Tikaya
Comment
Tikaya commented Comment · Nov 25, 2025

Oh that is a twist I did not expect. Ah well, random round redemption it is. (I skimmed this chapter, sorry) And hey, if he doesn't make it in the random round... Well, maybe THEN he gets to do illegal things to save Shadow. Pleeease.

Not much to say that I haven't already.
(I found another reason why Jarid couldn't go btw. lol) He promised to protect Smolder and he would certainly be putting him at risk if they tried to run away, but I'm just making excuses, it may not change how you feel. Though I suppose I should be happy you are this invested in my characters that you feel frustrated in the first place. Thanks :)

I hope you enjoyed reading.

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Ravena
Review
Ravena wrote a review Review · Aug 2, 2025

Hello, My Friend!

Finally back, and SO excited to see what you have in store here!! *ahem* It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What The Black Eyes See
~ A full analysis and breakdown


WOOOOOW!!! You did NOT hold back for this chapter! My gosh, the incredible detail and intensity of not just the fight, but its buildup, its conclusion, even the fallout was spot-on! Like, I was speechless by the end of this! Buuuut as you can probably infer by now, "speechless" is a very temporary state for the likes of me XD So, let's get into the details!

Plot and Pacing: Fantastic! The fight's pacing was very nice, fast-paced while also managing to zoom in on all the great details and big, epic moves. The rush to the arena at the end had me at the edge of my seat, especially with the news that Ben lost his match. Overall, great chapter to get the blood pumping! lol

Descriptions and Setting: LOVELY, I feel like you really doubled down on the visual and sensory notes in this chapter, and that really came through. From the emotion that drives the characters' actions, to the very distinct scents and sounds that pop up, very nice!

Action: AWESOME! The fact that Briar was almost laughable in his attempts to fight Jarid really showed off the incredible amount of power he's gained from his time with Brazor, and the fluency with which he used his powers instead of 'zoning out' like he did before shows that it's not just a physical or magical advantage, but a strategic and mental one as well. Seeing all of that hard work and months of training transfer over here was awesome!

Characterization: I love that the new challenge here, rather than just Jarid proving himself, is restraining himself. I mean, we've seen some vile characters that really test Jarid's resolve before, but Briar actively urging him to kill, after all he's done already, while threatening everyone Jarid loves? That definitely felt like a whole new class of villain, one that can and would push Jarid to his limits.

All of this, when he hasn't even gotten to the tournament yet! Sheesh!

Grammar and Wording: Overarchingly? No complaints! Contrariwise, this chapter felt incredibly well-written!

Where The Dagger Points
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations


As far as the little things go, I only spotted one extremely minor thing! Let’s break it down…

In fact, he was beginning to see this as more as a chance to test his abilities than as a deadly battle.


"As more as" here feels like it was maybe intended to be "as more of" perhaps?

That’s all! Great writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts


Ooo, man, theories...I get the strange feeling that this *may* not be the last time Briar appears, which is nerve-wracking. It felt like Jarid was right to spare him and not prove his point, but at the same time, that be the risk in sparing enemies >.> Likewise, man, sounds like things are coming to hinge on these final rounds in the tournament! Man, the stakes have risen so much, Briar caught me totally off-guard, I don't know what to expect anymore lol!

But, onto highlights and reactions...

Through the fire and the flame


I don't know if that was an intentional Dragonforce reference, but I love it for that reason lol.

After the initial shock, Jarid was slightly surprised by the lack of fear he felt. The armor and dragon were certainly intimidating but he felt nowhere near the same magical aura coming off him as Brazor. Even the Flame Wing wasn’t the scariest dragon he had seen recently. In fact, he rather felt sorry for it. He had no doubt Briar treated it terribly.


Love the setup here, and the empathy shown toward the dragon! So fits Jarid's character (and that is a very fair assumption to make about any dragon Briar would take on). Plus, it again shows how much he's grown, given Briar used to be the terror of the academy, especially for Jarid and his group.

“I will not allow you to further shame us. If you wish to reclaim even the slightest ounce of honor as a noble, you can serve me as my hostage. There is no greater honor than dying for the cause of a noble. You should know that.”


Oh man, this whole side-arc in the fight with Dominic was great, and funny in an ironic way. It just made me think of that sort of "the mob eats its own" sort of philosophy, and boy, that definitely applied here.

Lt. Briar grinned and held Dominic in front of him like a shield. “There are no dirty tricks in war boy.


"Dirty tricks" says the guy with a human shield?!?!?! >.>

You are no different, Dominic. In fact, if you continue as you are, I have no doubt you will become just like him. He truly believes he is better than you, just as you did for me. Your refusal to believe otherwise has blinded you and prevented you from any chance at real growth.


SO satisfying to read this moment. And just as we can so clearly see Jarid's growth in this fight, we can see Dominic's lack thereof, which is cool. Every academy has its, for lack of a better term, Draco Malfoy lol.

Jarid ignored him and turned towards the Flame Wing. He reached up and crushed the mind gem on its forehead. The dragon’s body wobbled as if unfamiliar with how to stand on its own.


YES, save the dragon!! Love it!

As he did so, Jarid used his opponent's temporary blindness to land a clear blow on his face causing him to stumble back. His breastplate was the only piece of armor left on him. The feeling of his fist striking flesh at full force felt disgusting even through the mana shield.


OOO, love those grizzly little sensory details. Fits the tone too—it's not so in-depth that this book suddenly feels like a body-horror novel, just enough to make you wince a little at the thought.

Today will end with one of us dead but no matter who it is, I’ve already won. If you kill me, you and your family will be executed for murdering a noble. And if I win…” he smiled with sadistic joy. “I’ll kill everyone you love, slowly.”


DUDE, this guy is officially unhinged!! And man, did this amp up the stakes of this fight, because it gets you thinking—is this Jarid's first *conscious* death? Will he be driven to take a life? Oh man...

Lt. Briar watched in horror as Jarid seemed to simply walk through the hellfire of flames he was sending his way. He scrambled back and threw out his hand, letting out a stream of flame so intense the grass blackened and the nearby trees were charred.

Jarid continued to walk forward, slow and steady. A deep and menacing growl grew in his throat. His outline black against the raging flames except for his glowing draconic eyes.

Lt. Briar’s eyes widened as far as they would go as he froze at the peak of his fear. Jarid grabbed his arm, cutting off the flames. Then he bent it back until it snapped.


THIS ENTIRE MOMENT WAS SO COOL!!! The slow walk through the flames, the smoldering forest, the draconic traits manifesting, and that casual, apathetic 'snap' of the arm. BRUTAL!! Probably my favorite moment in this chapter.

The smell of blood and the feeling of Lt. Brair's throat in his hands made him want to vomit. He could see the broken bone sticking out of Brair's arm and it made his own arm tremble.


Again, big points for sensory notes, and what a place to use them in!! Oof—and the body language, his arm shaking as he sees what he did to Briar's arm. Again, you immediately start questioning what Jarid is capable of, and if he can be driven to take the ultimate action.

Jarid’s grip tightened again and he raised his fist, charged with fire magic to deal the final blow. His face a grimace, trembling as he tried to force a look of fury. Tears ran down his face from the swirling emotions within.


The emotion!!! I love it!! We don't just hear about Jarid's hesitation, we can see it here!!

Being able to kill does not make you a warrior, and certainly not a dragon rider. The true strength of both is knowing when to spare a life. But you are still young. Such a decision should not be forced upon you yet.


Such wise words from Gunther, and what an excellent point to make! Jarid shouldn't even have to be making these decisions, and bringing that point to light really added a whole new layer of just utter vileness to Briar's actions (and here I thought that wouldn't be possible).

but he couldn't afford to linger on what had happened there. He had to focus. Shadow was counting on him. If Steven lost too, then he would be the only thing standing between Black Squad and utter defeat.


I love how you made it feel like that whole tournament, something that could very well determine Shadow's fate, is still happening in the background, and again managed to amp up the tension with Ben's loss and reminding us that Black Squad has just two rounds left—including Jarid's fight here—to win.

As he did so Logi smiled triumphantly and dropped his hand. Jarid stood confused for a moment before the official cried out, “Ooooh! It looks like Jarid was unable to shake his opponent’s hand before time ran out. Therefore he is disqualified!”


WHAT THE-?! That is CHEAP!!

Buuuut..that was smart from a writing perspective. I love the tension of them being neck-and-neck with only one event left, and since we know Jarid would've smoked anyone he faced, this feels like a smart way of getting him to lose without affecting the power scaling. I almost wonder if that was...intentional >.>...

Our Mad Thoughts...


Overall, that was SUCH a cool chapter, I can't wait to see how this tournament closes! Nicely done! :D

Thus concludes my review. To leave off, here are some inspiring quotes, courtesy of your resident Poe freak ~

"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."

I was so excited to read this review! As one of my personal favorite chapters, I was looking forward to your comments.

As mentioned, I wanted to show off all my characters' power at the beginning of the series and this was Jarid's moment to shine! I couldn't exactly have him face off against another student as you so deftly pointed out and it gave me the chance to do a big moral dilemma scene as well.

The twists and turns of a tournament arc are one of the things I love so be prepared for a few more ha, ha ;)

May you continue to enjoy as you head into the final chapter of Wing 5!

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Nethmi Review
Nethmi wrote a review Review · Jul 11, 2025

From the first crackling moment when Lt. Briar steps into the clearing as a full-fledged dragon knight, the tension crackles sharper than a dragon’s breath on dry tinder. The transformation of Briar from a physical combat instructor into this fearsome adversary is more than just a power-up—it’s a psychological game changer, and you deliver it with such a clear contrast that I could practically feel Jarid’s shock and simmering determination simmering beneath his calm exterior.

Your depiction of the clash between Jarid and Briar reads like an intense, cinematic battle where every punch and spell crackles with consequence. The way Jarid activates his mana cloak and enters the dragonthro transformation stage is deliciously dramatic, and the technique of deflagration—using small explosions to hurl his enemy—is bananas clever. I loved how you seamlessly weave these magical elements into the physicality of the fight, making it feel visceral but believable in this fantasy world.

Dominic’s presence injects a perfect touch of snark and vulnerability, his cowardice contrasting with Jarid’s fiery resolve. The way you capture the toxic arrogance of Lt. Briar — calling Jarid a “pathetic excuse for a noble” and threatening to scatter his bones — fuels the stakes while underscoring the class conflict simmering beneath the surface. This isn’t just a fight for survival; it’s a battle of ideals and honor, draped in flames and shattered armor.

Your pacing here is fantastic. The fight scenes never drag or lose momentum, but you also pause at key moments—like Jarid’s hesitation to kill Briar—to explore deeper themes of mercy, honor, and growth. Gunther’s timely intervention delivers a powerful philosophical punch: strength is not just about the power to kill, but the wisdom to spare. That emotional complexity adds layers beyond the typical “hero vs villain” trope and leaves me rooting harder for Jarid as a flawed but rising warrior.

The final twist of Jarid’s disqualification feels both crushing and infuriating—an unfair, politically charged moment that perfectly sets the stage for the tension to escalate. The way you capture Jarid’s inner turmoil—the anger, self-doubt, and desperate concern for Shadow—makes his struggle deeply relatable. And Logi’s sneering dismissal of dragons and commoners alike is a cold reminder of the societal injustice that looms over this fiery contest. The simmering rage that bubbles inside Jarid here feels like the perfect catalyst for an epic comeback.

Your language is vivid and cinematic without losing clarity. Every punch, every flame, every shattered piece of armor paints a clear picture but leaves enough mystery to keep me turning pages. The little details—the cracks in the armor, the burning sand, the shifting crowd’s roar—bring the world to life with texture and energy. Also, the way you handle Jarid’s internal conflict and magical buildup is smooth and well-paced, letting the reader experience his growth as both warrior and person.

If I had to nitpick, a touch more sensory detail in the quieter moments—like the sounds of the arena or the smell of scorched wood—might add an extra layer of immersion. And a few short, punchier sentences could sometimes heighten the urgency, especially in the fight’s peak moments. But these are tiny bananas in a basket full of fantastic storytelling.

Overall, this chapter is a blazing testament to your ability to blend high-stakes fantasy action with nuanced character development and social commentary. The dragons, the magic, the rivalries, and the heartache all burn bright here, promising an explosive continuation. Keep fanning those flames, Nedi—your story is on fire, and I’m loving every scorch and spark of it!

Wow! What a review! You certainly have a knack for expressing an exuberant amount of enjoyment.

As a lover of dragons and fire myself your descriptors were straight heat! I haven't enjoyed reading a review this much in a long time. Great job!

I totally agree about adding more sensory detail. I'll be adding the smell of the scorched stage and perhaps describing how the heat felt beneath Jarid's Magic cloak too. Thanks for the great ideas and I'm so glad you enjoyed! ;)



Obsessing over what you regret won't get you anywhere.
— Steggy