As Soldiers start to load the helicopter to take off towards the third castle, Dr. Romanov confronts the General.
“I’ll have to see this myself” the doctor said shortly.
“Yes yes of course” replied the general.
Back on the helicopter pads Etrius sit deep in thought about his last encounter. Out of the corner of his eye he see’s a tall figure with Hair dyied Yellow.
“Boomer” Etrius said.
“Etrius, we’ve been assigned to be escorted by 4 squads of men”.
“Shit” Etrius replied. “Their all dead men” thinking back to the monsters.
As everyone moved towards the helicopters there was talk amongst the men. Wispers about “we finially get some action eh?” or “its about time”.
As the men arrivied at the helicopter pads they found 6 hellicopters. Etrius, boomer, loyid, Beecher, and the general loaded up in one. While the other men filled up the other helicopters. The men moved with excitement ready to get in on the action. Once inside the helicopters immidiatly took off moving towards what seems to be nowhere, but really everything is somewhere.
The helicopters traveld for a little more than 24 hours. Until it finially reached a massive structure. A castle, many times bigger than Lady Liberty. The amount of area inside was immense. The castle had a large outer wall with an enormous winding staircase that led to a giant wooden door. Inside of the castle are dozeins of massive towers and bridges connecting to each the size of football fields. The castle was a huge maze that seemed ever changing yet looked the same every time. The only differense from the castle to the others, apart from its massive size, is that this castle is worn down with giant chunks of stone missing from walls and roofs, also many stone structures have collapsed leaving pot holes in every nitch.
“All right soldiers proceed with caution!” The general said. The soldiers formed four arrows. Two infront of the doctor, general, Etrius, Boomer, and loyid. And two behind the group. The group eventully stopped about a hundred yards away from the door. Beecher jumped up on a large broken stone structure with a sniper rifle. Beecher looked closely through the sniper scope to get a better look at the door and whats around it.
He found that the door was blocked by several large stone blocks. “Looks like we’ll need those explosives after all Boomer!” Beecher said.
The group advanced up to the door and Boomer with two other soldiers advanced right up to the door. The door was huge at least 50 feet high and 30 feet wide. Who knows how thick.
“Gimme those explosives” said boomer to a soldier. Boomer grabed the explosives from the soldiers hand and typed in a code than carefully set in next to the door. “ALL RIGHT STAND BACK!” boomer yelled as he ran from the door. A giant explosion followed after a minute of detonating the bomb. The door was blown to smitherins, leaving only splinters behind.
Everyone advanced forward into a large room. Inside the room was a huge gap between the floor. How deep the gap is, is unknown because it goes dark after 10 or so yards. Over the gap was three thin stone beams. On the sides of the gap was three giant stone figures. Hundreds of feet high. Each stone figure had a hood and heavy armor carved into the stone. Each figure held a swoard in their hand pointing upward.
“Its amazing” dr. Romanov said. “Imagine how long it would have taken to carve this. And LOOK! Look over here there’s more”. He said with increasing excitement.
As the team advanced across the beams the finially reached the end and proceed up some more stairs leading to a open door. Once outside the team saw a bridge. A massive bridge bigger than a football field. It led to a tall tower reaching to the sky. One of the soldiers looked over the side to see a giant cassum that seemed botumless. The teams hurried to the other side and enterd in the tower to find it was completely empty. The group than saw four gaping doors right across from each other. Out each door was another bridge that led to another tower.
Everyone wanderd for hours, sure to keep together and not get lost. Until they finially came across a door that was sealed shut. The door was completely stone and a forign language was written on the boarders of it. The doctor stepped forward with the book and tried to translate it.
“It says.. Then It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, cannot be heard, cannot be smelt, it lies behind stars and under hills, and empty holes it fills. It comes first and follows after, ends life, kills laughter”.
“what the? What is this like an informative or something. Just blow up the damn door”. Said a soldier
“WAIT” yelled the doctor. “This could be important in future times. It’s a riddle, answer the riddle and the door opens”. The doctor said simply. “now lets see. Lets pick the main points first”
“okay…. Sure?? Why not just blow the thing up?” said a soldier.
“can’t be seen, felt, heard, or smelt” the doctor said ignoring the soldiers comment. “Kills people. Mmmmm. It’s a good one”.
“Its wind!” yelled a soldier
“Earth” shouted anouther
“Fire” says one
“water!” says the other
“air!” Said another soldier.
“you idiot I already said that” replied a soldier
“No you didn’t you said wind not air!”
“SHUT UP!!” yelled the doctor clearly irritated. “Now buffoons shut up and listin up before I blow you up with these here explosives! Now clearly the answer is something abstract. But what abstract thing kills things and is behind stars?”
“GRAVITY!!” yelled a soldier.
The doctor in reply mearly walked forward smacked him on the top of his head with the book. “NO YOU IDIOT!! Think before you do anything please” The doctor sat down and ponderd. “mmmm. Well its not any of the elements. What is in space? Lots of rock and stars and darkness and…. OF COURSE!!
“what?”
“Finially relized you’ve gone crazy?”
“NO FOOLS! Its dark”. He said plainly.
At the sound of dark the door realed down showing a large room. The largest of them all. The room looked like a massive collasum. The collasum had thousands of rows of steps that stretched around the entire dome, but there were no chairs were they were suppose to be. On the boarders of the collasum was dozens of doors, all opend. At the very top of the tower that seemed to stretch on forever. There was a small circle that allowed and beam of light in the center. At the exact middle of the collesum is a cone shaped statue with stairs stretching completey around the structure. At the very top of the cone is plautued and some small figure lay in the middle of the platue.
“General!! General!!! WE HAVE MADE A DISCOVERY!!” The general rushed in flanked by two squades of soldiers. The general took the sight in, in a matter of seconds. He recoverd him self and than presented himself in a very calm fasion.
“Excelent job doctor. This must be where they keep it” He motioned for two squads to circle the area and for Etrius to follow him down the stairs.
“mmmm, this is intresting. Some kind of forgin language. Writin everywhere. Lets see…” The doctor focused to the writing on the wall. “I felt its touch…. I felt it grow…. And than it consumed me. Death will slaw with wings, whoever disturbs it. Beware, The wise one. Beware”
At the same time Etrius and the General climed to the top and eventually reached the platued place in the very center was a small, dark, orb. Something swirled inside, something dark.
“Well go on Etrius. Get the artifact for me” said the General. Etrius slowly moved forward towards the orb. As he moved forward everything got colder and colder, until it was almost unbearably cold. Etrius reached forward and piced up the orb. The moment his fingers made contact a searing pain of ice fired through his arm and focused on his shoulder. It seared with pain and Etrius’s eyes grew wide and his mouth gaped. Etrius felt the cold spread everywhere. Nowhere was untouched by the freeze. It spread up his arm and down his body all the way to his feet. It started to creep up and rushed down his throat and he started thrashing. He started to see his own breath and continued gaping. He found he couldn’t move now. Suddenly the cold shot into his eyes, freezing them completely as he saw flying pictures infront of him. Flying so fast almost impossible to see. Yet he understood all of it. Everything, the orb dropped from his hand and he was free of the curse. He turned slowly towards the General.
“You knew about this didn’t you! Of course you did.” Etrius said with a mix of horrified and disgusted.
“I don’t quite follow you son” said the general “Now hand over the artifact”
“No I can’t do it. I won’t do it” said etrius as he rubbed his temples, and his eyes started switching from the monster glow to his normal green eyes.
“Etrius if you don’t cut this shit I will put you down” said the general as he pulled out a revolver from his poket.
“Don’t you see. He’s brain washing you” Etrius’s eyes continued switching colors.
“Im doing this for earth god damn it. I want this to end. Don’t you want it to end. Yes a war to end all wars”
The doctor continued poundering on what he read and than his eyes widen in amazment. “GENERAL! GENERAL! We must get out of here!! He can’t hear me. There fighting over something” The doctor turned towards Beecher. “Beecher, we have to get out of here. This is important. YOU TWO!! He said to two guards over guarding the door. If you value your lives, come with me” as the doctor ran out of the door.
“Last chance Etrius” said the General as he clicked the safety off his gun and took aim. Simultaneously a single soldier proceeded up the steps hurrying. As he finially reached the top he turned towards the general.
“Sir. The doctor and two soldiers just left, the doctor said something about a warning and death on wings and…”
“SHUT UP!!!” screamed Etrius as he swung his head to meet the soldiers eyes and the soldier exploded. Blood flew everywhere. His arms, legs, and head just blew right off from his body. It was enough for the general to quickly pull the trigger as a bullet flew into Etrius’s head. Etrius crashed too the ground the orb still in his hand. There was nothing moving in the orb. It remained still, didn’t even tremble.
“I don’t know how you saw it, but what you just saw is true. And I am not being brained washed” the general wisperd to etrius as he leaned over and picked up the orb and slowly walked off. Etrius’s last thought before he went black was that he had regretted his promise to Tania. You won’t. I promise. He regretted those last too words and than his eyes closed and he letter a finial shuttering breath.
Back at the top of the collasum the soldiers mutterd about the gun shot they heard. Beecher hopped too his feet and sprinted down the stairs and up the cone shapped stairs. He stopped abruntly as he meet the general. Not 10 feet away. The general just turned his head and kept walking after the brief silence. Beecher hurried up to the top and his eyes widen as he saw Etrius’s dead body.
“LOYID!! STOP HIM!” Shreeked Beecher as he whipped his head back around glaring at the general intently.
“Hold it right there” said loyid as the General came to the top of the collasum. Loyid brandished a very large straight swoard and held at the generals throad. Two men flanked Loyid and raised their guns to his head. Along with the other squads that had him completely surrounded in case he might try to kill their General.
“So what are you going to do? Kill me? Well what are you waiting for?” the general said impatiently. “Come on now I don’t have all day” While Loyid just sat their undecided weither to slice off the general’s head or not. But suddenly one of the many doors surrounding the collasuem. Than another closed, and another until all doors snapped shut and weren’t budging a bit. The solders looked around alert of every movement. There was a loud scattering, claws banging on wood and stone.
“Do you hear that?” asked a soldier. The soldiers looked franticly for the source of the noise until they noticed a single soldier parallized with fear, and looking straight up. The others followed his gaze and saw hundreds of beasts crawling on the walls. The soldiers gapped in fear and terror. And almost in response to their silense a single beast emerged from the darkness and lashed out at a soldier. The beasts claw fell true and sliced the mans face in half.
“AGHHHH!!” the soldier screamed before he fell to the ground dead. The others immedietly turned their weapons and opend fired at the beast, tearing it in half. The other beasts fell from the ceiling and attacked the men. The soldiers fired franticly and used their guns as bludgeons when the beasts came too close. A beast threw himself at a soldiers back and the soldier raised his gun and smacked the but of it into its head shattering its skull.
“BOOMER!!” yelled the general “HOW MANY EXPLOSIVES DO YOU HAVE LEFT!”
“Enough to blow us outta here” he yelled back. “LOYID!! Cover us!” Boomer said as he opened his explosives and attached them to the door. Loyid sprinted back to Boomers place and sliced a beast in mid air in half as he lunged for Boomer. He spun around and sliced off a beasts head and stabbed through another’s head.
“CAN’T YOU GO ANY FASTE BOOMER!!” yelled Loyid in a struggle of keeping Boomer alive. The general took out his revolver and fired with perfect accuracy. A bullet flew out of his gun and struck a target in the head. He fired constantly.
“That should do it” boomer stepped away from the explosives and seized his shot gun and fired at a group of beasts proceeding on the General, he killed all of them in one shot. Another came to flank boomer and he dropped his gun grabbed his neck and snapped it.
“All right men!! LETS GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!” screamed the general at his soldiers who were fighting for their lives. Beecher, however, was still at the top of the cone mourning over Etrius’s dead body. The beasts started to rush up the stairs of the cone. A large beast lept from the edge of the stairs to hit beecher in the back and finish him off. Beecher ,in response, jumped and used his sniper rifle to blast the beasts head in half. He than fired continuously at a small path way killing all beasts that got in his way. He made a large jump and landed at the bottum of the collasum and sprinted up the stairs to reach the top and found that he was he was surrounded by an enormous amount of beasts.
“BEECHER!!!!!!!!!!” screamed Loyid as he sprinted forward and sliced through beasts on his way and lunged forward and sliced through the circle of beasts that surrounded Beecher. A beast leaped out and raised his claws to kill Loyid. Loyid raised his sward and spun it masterfully slicing off the beasts claws and finished off with slicing off his leg and raising his sward high and bringing it down upon his head. Beecher managed to fight off the other beasts and the two men managed to punch a giant hole and run for their lives.
“COME ON YOU TWO!!” yelled the general as his men started firing at the beasts to punch a hole in their ranks so Beecher and Loyid could run through. Massive pieces of stone started falling from the ceiling and it caused the floor to start splitting. Beechers eyes widened and he made an extra sprint and just managed to jump and land safly on the other side. Loyid wasn’t so lucky. He stopped and realized that he couldn’t jump the distance. Beecher ran to the hole that Boomer just blew open along with the general and what was left of the squads of men.
When all the men were out of the collasum large blocks of stone fell and piled upon the opening.
“Come on men. Lets get moving” said the general to his exhausted quadrants of men.
“Hey wait! What about Loyid and Etrius!!?” said Beecher.
“Don’t tell me you want to go back in there? Loyid can handle him-self. He’s gotten outta tougher situations” said the General.
“And Etrius?” said Beecher.
The general ignored his comment
“All right men there’s a court yard north-west of here. The helicopters have landed there. If we can get there we can get the hell outta here.”The men continued to catch their breath and saw something in the distance.
“What the hell…” said a soldier right before a large figures claws knocked him off the bridge and into the botumless pit. The other soldiers turned and took aim at the beast that just killed one of their companions. It was a bat like being. It had a long slim body that was very slimy. Its head had massive fangs and those shinning eyes. Its legs were long and enormous. Its claws were at least three feet long and curved and extra sharp. It had bat like wings that were in total about thirty feet long.
The men immedietly opend fired upon the bat like things and manged to puncture its wing when it was directly above the bridge. The beast fell and smashed into the bridge cracking the stonework minorly. The men split into two halves of the bridge. One half were closer to the collasum were they just came from and the other half was closer to the end of the bridge. The beast stop flailing and the men stoped for a moment. A soldier steped closer to make sure it was dead. The beast’s tail shot forward and smacked him off the bridge. The beast suddenly learched up and attempted to fly. It managed to hover very slowly.
The men, suddenly alarmed, started firing trying to finish it off. Machine gun fire came from everywhere. The bullets hit everywhere. They pierced its wings, its head, and its body. The bat like beings glowing eyes went dull and went completely out as he fell back down too the bridge.
“NO!!!!” screamed the general as he noticed the already weak bridge. But it was too late. The beast fell dead from the sky and bashed into the bridge. The bridge started falling away. The general, Beecher, and two squads of men still left managed to barely make it to the safe side away from the coliseum and a single squadren and Boomer fell on the bridge. Boomer just managed to catch an edge on a side of the outside of the coliseum. A single man managed to grab on to Boomers leg and another soldier and another managed to grab a soldiers leg and hung on for their life. Boomer just held on tight showing little amount of struggle with keeping the men up. Only a handful managed to catch on to a foot or a leg of another soldier hanging for their lives. There were five or so men fell, fell down into something that seemed bottomless.
“Allright men time to climb down” Said Boomer kicking the soldiers off as the hung on to the wall for themselves. The general and Beecher just stared at Boomer and the rest of what was left of the men.
“Come on men!” started the General. “Move out” The men slowly started forward hesitantly.
‘Hey you two. If you value your lives follow me!” Dr. Romanov said hastily while running through the door. Dr. Romanov ran out of the door sprinting down the enormous bridge with the two soldiers right behind him. As each ran they panted heavily. The doctor ran straight until they reached another tower and took a sharp right.
“Come on soldiers!! Quickly!” The doctor said panting heavily. The soldiers stopped dead as they saw an enormous bat like being fly over them. “ahh it seems to be beginning” the doctor said. “Come on now quickly”.
The group ran for about 15 minutes and started to hear machine guns and screaming. “INSIDE NOW!!” the doctor yelled. The trio quickly ran inside another tower. Once inside they stopped to catch their breath.
While inside the doctor sat down to catch his breath and he saw something out of the corner of his eyes. “eh? What’s this?” as the doctor walked forward he saw that it was a giant door made completely out of gold. A think layer of dust lay on top of the door. But on the boarder of the door there was an encryption in a foreign language. The doctor leaned forward in attempt to translate it.
“what’s it say doc?” says one of the soldiers.
“It says.. Once I could kindle fire, Now I am cold as ice, I have forgot desire, but have becomed only desired, buried in earths blind vise, change wholly, yet the same, Wild with abding flame” the doctor sat down pondering upon the riddle.
“well clearly its something obvious” says a soldier
“What??” says the other
“Well I mean that the must expect us to think its really hard..” says the first soldier.
“but when its really obvious…” continues the other
“so obviously it must be obvious because we really think its not obvious…”
“but maybe they know we’ll figure that out….”
“So they would obviously make it hard. OBVIOUSLY!!”
The Doctor slapped his forehead and sighed “Of all the soldiers I had to save I choose you two idiots!”
“Idiots!?” where!!” said the soldiers simultaneously.
“Oh for the love of god I should have just left you were you guys would have been more useful to the world” said the doctor.
“Hey….. why are you changing the subject?” said a soldier.
“UGHHHH!” replied the doctor
“well its your fault for changing the subject”
“moving on!!” said the doctor clearly irritated.
“Uh fine”
“yeah have any other brilliant ideas in the head of yours doc” said another soldier sarcastically.
“well it’s a curious riddle… im really not quite sure” the doctor said
“yeah yeah well you two just keep talking im going to sit down” the soldier put down his gun and sat down on a large rock. The moment he touched it, the rock sunk too the ground slowly and they all heard a loud creeking noise.
“Whats that??!?” said the doctor.
“LOOK!!!” yelled a soldier and pointed towards the door. “ITS OPENING!!”
The doctor looked puzzled “curious. We didn’t even figure out the riddle…”
“ah stop your yapping. Just be happy we got the damn thing open.” Said a soldier irritated.
The door continued opening incredibly slowly. It creeked so loudly that the group was slightly worried that someone would hear. “bang bamn, crash, boom” they trio turned their heads as they heard the results of a battle occurring. It was very faint but still shuck each man up.
When the door eventually came to a complete opening it revealed a hidden treasure. A small golden pyramid, the men stood staring almost hypnotized. Through a small window it shown light upon the pyramid and it reflected to light up the room. The room actually looked more like a royal castle room. There were banners draped on the walls. However most were ripped. It was like a giant hall way and apparently an enormous chunk of a wall had collapsed and blocked all from proceeding down it. And on each of the banners and on the very roof of the room was the signature “C” with a circle around it.
“what could have possible caused that kind of damage! The place looks like it went through a hurrican than bombed.” Pondered the doctor. He again turned his attention back to the pyramid and noticed that it was almost glowing. It was becoming so bright that it almost hurt to look at it. The funny thing was that the pyramid was hovering. It wasn’t resting on anything but levitating. And when the doctor looked up he noticed that an incredible fancy chair hovered fifty or so feet above the pyramid. The chair was immensely expensive just by the look of it. Possible evil royal.
“Careful soldiers, there’s always a catch”. The doctor said cautiously. The doctor took a heavy stick of wood that had fallen from the roof. The doctor used it to press down gently on one of the squares apart of the wooden floor. The square pressed in and three large darts fired from the left of the square tile.
“That’s why you have to be careful”
As the three men advance forward careful not to step on any squares or trigger or any traps . When the three came just a foot away from the pyramid they stopped dead.
“ahh the heck with it” says a soldier and reaches forward.
“STOP!!” Screams the doctor and shot his hand forward in an attempt to stop the soldier from doing something stupid. But it was too late and the soldier grabbed the pyramid. The moment the pyramid left its place a long sharp pyramid spike fires forward and goes straight through the soldier’s chest. After seconds of the soldier’s struggling and gasps for breath his hands started turning into solid gold and he started thrashing around as the gold crept everywhere and engulfed him completely except for his mouth which was still gaping open. The gold ran down his throat and into his lungs making them stop completely the man thrashed violently until it subsided into a violent trembeling as he suffocated. Than into nothing as his head hung to the side. Than the door begins to close, slowly creeping back.
“GRAB THE PYRAMID AND GO!!” screams the doctor as he runs through the door. The soldier quickly grabs the pyramid and runs through the door with the doctor on his heels. The two men barley got out leaving the golden corpse of there fallen soldier behind. As the new duo slid to the door and managed to escape. The doctor quickly looked back and noticed that the floating chair had fell and shattered on the ground.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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*chuckles* okay thanks for the reply. I'll work on that
Hello
. You know, with a smaller piece you can spot mistakes easier and refer to them.
I must have missed this when you posted it. Now I had to read chapter one first to try and remember where I was?
Anyways, this chapter, the writing aspect, is more of an improvement from the first chapter. There is a lot going on that gets me thinking a lot of things at once, you know, some thought provoking stuff. This clearly shows that you are creative. I think you should watch out for spelling errors. And next time maybe post like a part one and part two so that reviewing is made 'easier' for some of us
You are good though. I like your story
Ziggie.
Lol thanks for the reply luv. okay i'll look into that.
P.S: intresting picture u got there....
Hey T.
Overall, it's not half bad. You've got some grammatical and spelling errors, but the plot was interesting and the characters were great.
First of all, try breaking up the text so it's a bit easier to read. At the moment, you have three huge blocks of text, and it's very easy to get lost halfway through a chunk of your story.
Secondly, instead of using caps to emphasize yelling, try using italics. It makes your story look somewhat neater. I know it may not bring the umph that you want, but it will make it seem cleaner.
Thirdly, I noticed that you repeated a lot of your adjectives in the same paragraph. Vary it! Thesauruses will come in handy many times in the writing process.
All in all, great job! Can't wait to read the rest.
~blu
Yea Yea a little darker than what i have been writing but hey its my apart of my novel please read. i would love some critics