Beecher, General, and some men come sprinting down a long hall way. The hall way was dark and had some engravings on the sides. A dead language that only the book could reveal. They continued running to reach the choppers and get out of the castle. The hall way twisted and turned an impossible amount of time. Everything seemed to be changing. The path behind them never looked the same. Something sinister followed them. Something unseen.
One of the walls next to a soldier exploded open as a new beast flew open. This thing was much bigger. At least twice as big as the normal beasts. It was ripped, its mussles were at least twice as big as any normal humans. It’s head was oval with no hair. Its skin smooth and completely black like the others. Its eyes glowing silver, its claws the size of knives.
It grabbed the mans head and squeezed it. His head burst from the pressure and blood flew everywhere on the walls. The new beast learched forward grabbed another mans head and smashed it against the wall. Breaking his helmet. The rest of the men turned their guns to the new beast and fired. They ripped through his skin and straight through his head spreading blood over the floors and walls even more. The new beast dropped to the ground and a puddle of blood spread on the ground.
Two more things jumped out breaking another hole in the celling.
“RUN!!” yelled the general as he and the men sprang forward running towards the end of the hallway. The two things chased them slowly gaining on them. The things ran on all fours. The end was in sight as Beecher and the General took the lead of the running men. A large open door showed into a large cassum like room. But a large stone started slowly closing the door. It proceeded from the ceiling closing the space up quickly. Beecher and the General quickly exchanged looks and started running faster so not to get trapped in the hell. One of the beasts managed to grab a soldiers leg.
“NO! NO! NO! YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME HERE!!!!” he screamed in panic as the remaining men continued running. “NOOOOOOOO!!” he sqealed as the beasts proceeded on him. One ripped off his arm and the other stabbed his knives of finger nails into the mans chest that went straight through his lungs and heart. The man struggled for breath and than blood seeped from his eyes, mouth, and nose, pooling on the marble floor.
Beecher and the General ran through the closing door. The rest of the men followed and the last did a quick and frantic dive roll and just barely managed to get through. The last soldier stood up out of breath and looked at his closest companion and said “we made it through mate” with an Australian accent. And he stood up on a thing but smooth platform that had a large hole in the middle of it.
The man just looked at him and his arm fell off. And than his head and he collapsed to the ground.
“WHAT THE HELL!!” the Australian man yelled. And took a step back as he felt a force hit him in the chest that felt like running into the wall and he heard his lung cage crack as he was thrown off the edge.
The rest of the men gasped as something stabbed through another soldiers throat and pushed him up against a wall. The general looked through and noticed that almost transparent tentacle had pierced the soldier. The tentacle looked almost like glass. And whipped around quickly and flung the man off the tentical and he fell to the ground.
The general quickly looked for a place to run too and noticed some spiral stair cases. The stair case was just as thin as the platform that they were standing on and spun up towards some light.
“TOO THE STAIR CASE MEN!!” yelled the General as he ran towards it.
His men followed frantically and sprinted up and up and up. The staircase spiraled for what almost seemed forever the men ran for their very lives, literally. Each person ran in a duo with each other and they ran and ran up the ever lasting stairs.
“COME ON MEN MOVE IT!! YOUR NOT DEAD YET!” the General encouraged as he led the way, the men ran exhausted. The general looked back and made out the shapes of the tentacles perusing the men up the stairs. They speared one man and knocked another off too his doom. “FASTER FASTER!!” yelled the General hastely. A tentical caught up to a man and hit him so hard it rocketed him forward as he flew through a door leading to the open court yard with several helicopters. The court yard was the end of the castle and a very large wall with two large towers perceeded the sides of the court yard and stretched completely around it.
A pilot got out of a helicopter and his mouth dropped at how many were left of his remaining squads and what was perusing them. Normal beasts climbed upon all the walls and jumped down a hundred yard jump and landed on the feet, unharmed. They started to come at all sides. Then some soldiers turned to fire some bullets to slow the beasts down. It sliced through them but thousands still remained and more were coming.
“GET YOUR ASS’S IN GEAR AND IN THE PLANES” commanded the General as he pushed men forward. “YOU GET IN THERE! FILL UP THE HELICOPTERS AND GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!! You five come with me” the general pointed to beecher and four other men as the jumped into the helicopter. “get this thing in the air god damnit” the General said to the pilot. The General picked up a microphone and spoke into communicating with all the chopters. “This is the General speaking. Ordering for every helicopter to take off now”
The helicopters started to gain height and then they noticed they weren’t alone the flying beasts patrolled the skies and one smashed into a helicopter’s top and was cut into pieces. Blood flew everywhere and the helicopter fell to the ground and exploded.
A beast managed to leap upon the generals helicopter door. He struggled to hang on and was slipping. The general camly picked up his pistle and stood a foot from the beast and raised his arm. He fired his bullet and it perced his forehead, clearing his head and whatever was inside it. The thing flung its head back and didn’t even have time to let out a finial scream before it fell to the ground, lifeless.
Another helicopter wasn’t so lucky. Three beasts managed to grap a hold near the back and through it off balance. A soldier inside the helicopter raised his machine gun and was about to kill the beasts when one leaped inside and tackled him. His gun flew out of his hands and out the door. The beast got down on all fours and proceeded to attack the man. He took out a knife and close-lined the beast with the knife and stabbed it into its neck.
More beasts jumped onto one side and tipped the plane over. It fell slowly to the ground with the blades still turning. The helicopter hit the ground hard and skirted to a stop. Beasts started to surround the helicopter but not actually approach it.
The General and Beecher looked down on the wreckage. As they flew away from the caste so very slowly. They looked down and saw two completely different things, a graveyard and an opportunity.
As the other helicopters flew off into the distance leaving many other soldiers behind in the castle, inside one of the helicopters held the General and Beecher. The General appeared very relaxed yet shaken. But Beecher was overwhelmed by all the things that just happened.
“I can’t believe it” He thought. “Etrius dead, Loyid and Boomer left behind, and I’m left with this son-of-a-bitch. My entire team is dead. And I know that this basterd had something to do with it. He shot Etrius” Beecher pondered upon this trying to take everything in.
“Is there something bothering you Beecher” The general asked cautiously.
“DAMN RIGHT THERE IS! My teams dead and you murdered Etrius. MURDERD HIM!! I should kill you right now” Beecher reached for his sniper rifle but stopped immediately as he saw he was surrounded by a squad of surviving soldiers pointing their guns at his head. “So you guys still on his side. After he lied and left your friends to die in the castle. He’s a double crosses. Why do you still trust him? He killed Etrius one of our best of friends. He left your best of friends in their dead or to become dead. He is a liar and a cheat”
Silence was the only thing that hung in the air. Clearly Beecher’s speech moved the soldiers and they were deciding. Deciding wither to trust Beecher or shoot him on the spot.
“Lower you arms soldiers” The general said plainly. “He can’t do anything.” But he had done everything. He had opened a small voice in the soldiers mind. A voice that asked them “why they were doing what the General said. After all he did lie and he did leave many of their friends left behind to die. Also there beloved Boomer and Loyid were lost inside, thrown away like a piece of trash”. Everything that the General didn’t see Beecher saw in seconds.
“Well then, I suppose I will be in my quarters” Beecher said with his usually scowl, except this time, it never left his face. Never has and never will except for one last time. As he walked off into the back of the helicopter were lay a small bed in which he laid on the remainder of the flight, gun in hand in case someone might just burst through the door. Gun in hand
Points:
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Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello there
. Anyways, I think that the story is getting to be interesting but no major events. I guess that's normal because it is just only chapter three. Once again though, check for those spelling errors. If it could help, give someone else to read before you post it.
Ziggie
Well, the third chapter is posted already? I just reviewed the second right now. I have been off 'air' for a while. I think generally my comment will be the same. Seperate your chpater into parts to make it easy to read. For someone like me, if I had not been reading the Castle Series and saw the huge chunk of words, I would have turned away because I am tired...under normal cirsumstances that is not the case
Again, great potential in your writing. You should review my first chapter from my novel "Song". Its hanging around here somewhere. I posted it a few days ago and no reviews
Wow, a massive block of text. It makes the story hard to read, and can often intimidate the reader. Try separating the paragraphs with another space, or even separating every line.
Besides that, try not to use CAPS, that is, capital letters. YWS has this thing called BBcode to script bold or italic text into your stories. It's very easy, just write this [ b ] in front of the text you want to be bold, then write this [ / b ] behind it, but without the spaces. Replace the 'b' with and 'i' for italics.
I saw a lot of grammar and spelling errors there, so try to use a grammar- or spell-check before submitting your work.
You did good here, keep writing!
Jenth