*This song/poem is under my folder titled “The cake curse”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Unhappy Emilia
Had to watch way up in the sky
As every Hallows’ Eve
Her husband, Josiah, brought children to their own unique demise
For that was not what she saw when she met him
And their children, Marguerite and Merle
Had to agree
But sometimes she wondered if one day
Josiah would be free
Oh, a happy day it’d be!
No longer in Heaven would there be three!
Unhappy Emilia
Would be happier indeed
So that is why she always waits on Hallows’ Eve
Why she tells the kids to never give up hope
For one day, maybe one day
Josiah would reach for the Heavenly rope
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
A super quick one from me here! I like the shift in tone from sorrow and despair to an almost hopeful tone at the end. I also like how you repeated Hallow's Eve because it added a rhythmic quality for me, and I think it reinforced your Halloweeny theme.
Some of the lines could definitely be clearer, this one for example:
I was too caught up in trying to decipher it to actually enjoy the flow of it.
I wonder if you could maybe separate this into stanzas too. Where it's lyrics, I was expecting it to follow a more traditional format and this one block made it harder for me personally to find the rhythm and flow of it.
Would love to hear how this one would hold up with music - I'm picturing a creepy organ in particular!
Thanks for sharing
Icy
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed!
Hey friend! This is a really interesting song. I noticed a common theme in a lot of your songs or poems is that you start by introducing us to the people who will be mentioned throughout the piece. So in this one, we are introduced to Emilia and her husband Josiah, as well as their two children Marguerite and Merle.
I really like the rhyming in these four lines. I love how you rhyme the word be with three. That part flowed very well. It seems like Emilia's husband and daughters had died and entered heaven. I'm not exactly sure how they died, but it seems like it's the reason why she is so unhappy. It's almost like she's hoping that he will return on Halloween. I like her character, and how she doesn't give up, despite going through so much. I really like how you capture this feeling of her longing for them to return.
I really liked your rhyming throughout this piece and I can really see how you have improved so much! This one was awesome. I would love to know more about the death and exactly how they died, but overall I enjoyed reading through it.
Your friend,
Ellie