*This song/poem is underneath my folder titled “The cake curse”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs <33”. Enjoy!*
Marguerite and Merle
They both loved Hallows’ Eve so dearly
Always dressing up as new monsters
Always trying to crack up a scare
Even down to high school
The twins didn’t give a care
But those poor kids, they had died that day
It was an accidental prank at a Hallows’ Eve party
In deepest darkest revenge
Their father created a cake
And gave it out on that last October day
For whoever ate it became a monster
Something that he thought would make his kids say “hooray!”
Children like Malik and Silence
Close friends were they
Had bitten into the cake
Made monsters by mistake
In revenge people are blinded
In revenge the light is burning
For not everyone deserves
To harbor such a curse
Marguerite and Merle were the original Hallows’ Eve kids
Then came Malik and Silence
And many more
The curse, it goes on and on
But to stop it would be such a bore!
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
This is a great poem for the spooky season of October, Especially with All Hallows' Eve. I like how the poem starts off with the children being little jokesters, who play tricks in their Halloween outfits, and then gradually end up becoming monsters. It ends up showing how revenge, even though it is done in a harmless way can become something greater than it was meant to be. I would like to think that the father would hold some sort of guilt or regret for what he has done to the children, especially with the two that were accidentally turned.
The line "But those poor kids, they had died that day," being used early on in the poem was foreshadowing the curse. (Foreshadowing is awesome) The line holds meaning and mystery, making the reader think that something really bad had happened and the children died. In a way, the children do die, as they lose their humanity to the curse.
I do think that instead of using the word 'burning' for the line, "In revenge the light is burning," another word such as 'blinding' would make more sense. It would also make the meaning of the line much clearer to understand.
Overall, it was a really good poem and and enjoyable read.
This is a really cool poem and in time for Halloween. The last line could use some work, it's kind of a heavy tone shift and a bit jarring for the last line. I do really like the idea of "The cake curse" and the names are cool. The rhyming is good, and the formatting is good. I'm not sure I quite understand the line "In revenge the light is burning" though